How did your family tell you to bug off? no contact, etc...

by carla 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  carla

  I am just wondering about what the usual method for jw's to tell you to get the heck out of their life until you shape up and come back to jah routine?

  One more question- Let's say someone decided to go back but were possibly df'd, da'd or even just rumored to be an apostate, now they come back and they sit in the back and generally get treated like crap until the elders say their 'time out' is over. Can the family talk to them while they are in the dog house so to speak or do they have to wait until the elders give the ok? and that person is usually looked down upon forevermore from my understanding, will the family stiill have much to do with them? Well, that was more than one question! my thanks as always.
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  blondie

  Every jw deals with this separately. Officially, jws are to have little or no contact with df'd or da'd family that do not live under the same roof. There are exceptions such as 1) taking care of sick parents or sick adult children (serious illness) 2) or dealing with "necessary family business" which is kept ambiguous on purpose.

  Until the BOE that handled the original judicial case determines they can be reinstated and it is announced, no one is supposed to have any contact with them. Even casual contact by the elders that were not on the committee is not allowed.
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  flipper

  CARLA- From personal experience I can tell you that when an announcement is made to the congregation that a person is DFed - as Blondie says - ALL JW's are supposed to shun this person , or are expected to fall in line with WT society counsel to shun this person, family or not. I spent 4 years of my life getting shunned in this manner from 1998 to 2002 in a DFed state. No contact with my family at all.

  In further answer to your 1st question - EVEN IF a person is just inactive and stops attending , many times JW family members will give you the silent treatment, no explanation on why, no courtesy, just an unspoken alleged understanding that WE are out of line by not attending meetings. For instance, my non-witness wife has been given explanations in letters by my 23 & 22 yr.old daughters why they won't assopciate with me ( even though I'm just an inactive JW ) - but they have NEVER told me face to face themselves . They just shun me. Their supposed explanation to my wife : " We can't talk to Dad because he doesn't love Jehovah or respect the faithful & discreet slave His organization. " My wife thinks they are crazily controlled by cult mind control. I agree. But THAT'S why it doesn't hurt as much as it would because I know if they were in their right authentic non-controlled minds - they wouldn't treat me this way. They have a psychological disorder called " dissociative disorder ". Hopefully in time, they'll change.

  And if a person is reinstated - only THEN can the congregation members talk to this person - only after the elders O.K. it by announcement of the person's reinstatement. But you are correct in your assumption- even IF a person gets reinstated they ARE NOT treated with the same respect like nothing happened. Usually reinstated ones are NOT invited over to someone's house for dinner and fellow witnesses are encouraged to build the reinstated persons faith up by going out in service with him or her, associating at meetings ONLY - as a period of probation time is served by a reinstated person where it takes up to a year or more to get ALL " privileges " of commenting at meetings, giving talks in the Ministry school, etc . back like the rest of the witnesses. So essentially you are still being punished punitively for your " sins " even AFTER reinstatement. It's disgusting, boorish treatment - not to mention the dirty looks and cold shoulders you receive from fellow JW's in your kingdom hall.

  My take ? Why bother with these loutish freaks ? It's just not worth coming back to ill treatment , and for what ? To impress people who hate you anyway ? No thanks. This cult sucked 44 years out of my life- I'll never give them back ANY of my time as a member. Hope this opens your mind a bit. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  GrandmaJones

  I think that associating with close family members happens a lot. You don't get disfellowshipped for it. The worst I have heard is that someone got a sheparding call about it, and that family told them that they needed to mind their own business. End of story.

  Recently an elder stepped down after his daughter got DF"d and told the CO and the BOE that she was his baby girl, and would always be his baby girl, and he intended to be there for her. A lot of us thought that was just great, and were impressed that an elder and not just a R& F member did this. He hasn't lost other privileges though, and there have been no "local needs" talks about it.

  Now I also know members of the congregation who DON'T do this, and who have shunned their parents, children, etc. for twenty or thirty years and will never talk to them until they are reinstated. They can't be persuaded, even by example, that they are not taking the right stand, and they are appalled at the elder, who they think should be severely reproved. They consider anyone who does this with a close family member to be extremely "spiritually weak" and really look down on them.

  No one, however, has anything at all to do with DF'd or DA's outside the immediate family that I know of.
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  TweetieBird

  My husbands family has as little contact with us as possible. My mother-in-law called me the other day to tell me that she saw someone that looked like me and it made her so sad.
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  dozy

  By a cursory email telling me that they would ignore any contact whatsoever by email , phone call or any other means because of my "attitude towards the WTBTS / FADS". Well - it saves a stamp , I suppose. And I'm not even DFd or DAd & still attend the odd meeting.

  Like Flipper's experience , other family members have just suddenly out of the blue stopped any contact without formally putting it in writing or giving any indication - they don't even send anniversary cards any longer ( even though my wife is still a JW ) or inquire when anyone in my family is ill. I would have had more respect for them if they had met up & said - "Look , I respect the society more than you & until you straighten up I don't want any contact."

  Can you just feel the love.............!

  Re reinstated DFd ones - no contact is allowed until the announcement. Even then they always have the stigma that "so-and-so used to be disfellowshipped" and are never regarded by most as being a "spiritual person".
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  badcompany

  I've always been curious about this. It seems to be different per locality and even congregation. I was DF'd in '80, re-instated '83 and DA'd '93. In that time my parents have flip-flopped. My dad has been an elder/PO since '72 in VERY conservative congo's. They took me in back in the early '80's when I totally augered in drugs and what not. They always check up on me (I talk to them at least every couple of weeks). Whenever I go to their house there is always a gin and tonic made for me... although nothing to eat. I think it's the "do not break bread" thing. But gin's ok. Both of my parents have been to my houses over the years. BUT... there have been changes from time to time that I'm sure are attributable to doctrinal changes or pressure. My dad actually called me recently to apologize for not being very friendly when I visited them.