Are JWs just innocent victims or accountable for their actions/choices?

by unshackled 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  unshackled

  I've been wrestling with this question for a while now. Seems everyone on here either has family that are still JWs, or at least what were good friends. I'm focusing mainly on our JW family members.
  
  My large family is pretty much split down the middle…half the siblings have left, parents and other half are in. Some of my siblings that are out choose to be overly apologetic for our parents stance. They don't hold them accountable for their actions. They just feel sorry for them, which I do too. But also feel they are accountable because we all have been treated like garbage. This is a CHOICE they have made, not us.
  
  I specifically think of my father who is what I would call a Fundamentalist JW. Why did this seemingly intelligent man lead our family into this destructive cult? Is he really that naive? I struggle with some bitterness and anger about that.
  
  So when it comes to the shunning JWs do, the cutting off of DF'd loved ones, and even the willingness to let their loved ones die because of the blood issue. Are these actions not willing actions? Again, they do have a choice.
  
  Every one of us in here recognized a voice inside of us that something was wrong, and we eventually took action to leave. I'd say that credit lies in good character….what does that say about the ones that stay in?
  
  Now this isn't an equal comparison, but consider Nazi soldiers. Sure they were brainwashed with propaganda or forced to go along, but ultimately they could have chosen differently. They didn't have to assist in the death of millions and millions of innocent people. You wouldn't feel sorry for such a nazi as an innocent victim. Being a JW is a watered down version of the same herd mentality.
  
  By extension, what do you think when they knock on your door? Just an innocent sheeple not knowing any better? OR, imagine the gull of these people, the ego it takes to knock on a door and tell someone "you're not living your life like me, you're going to die." Doesn't that take a certain amount of being an asshole to do that? Does the elite status play upon the ego so as they enjoy feeling superior, therefore, enjoy telling people such things? I just remember hating it…all the time.
  
  So I'd like to know how others have dealt with these feelings. Are JWs completely innocent victims we should apologize for or should they be held accountable for the ugly actions they take up? Or somewhere in between?

  Hope this makes sense...I just kinda hammered it out. Your thoughts would be much appreciated.
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  leavingwt

  They are both accountable (and responsible) AND they are victims. It's not mutually exclusive. I've forgiven myself for being involved in what what destructive and harmful. I cannot undo it.
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  yknot

  We all joke about the Org being the 'Borg' .......

  But the assimilation process and the difficulty of disassimilation back into an individual has deep parallels.

  Accoutabilty usually occurs only in those quiet and intensely personal moments of individual regret.......

  Collectively they are captives
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  life is to short

  I struggle with this all the time in regards to my husband. I mean how can he go door to door all the while knowing that the hall is sending sex offenders to the very same doors he is hitting at another time. The child who opens the door to him could in three months open the door to a man who could rape her.

  I just do not get it, also he has admitted that he knows it is not all right but he believes Jehovah is still with the religion. I just do not see how you can feel that way and what you said right here is totally what I have been thinking only I did not know how to word it as well as you have.

  (imagine the gull of these people, the ego it takes to knock on a door and tell someone "you're not living your life like me, you're going to die." Doesn't that take a certain amount of being an asshole to do that? Does the elite status play upon the ego so as they enjoy feeling superior, therefore, enjoy telling people such things? I just remember hating it...all the time. )

  Even when I pioneered I hated telling people that we had the truth, I alway felt who am I to go to these people's door and tell them everything they have believed to be true their whole lives is wrong. I guess I was never sure of it myself.

  Now I ask my husband so what if you do find a family who wants to become a JW what are you going to do with the children. The elders have a strict do not tell policy on the child rapists in our hall, so are you going to let the children be in danger. Or are you going to say well this is the true religion only we have a slight problem that men and woman who rape children are are here also but God has forgiven the rapists and well you cannot know who they are and of course we are supposed to trust our brothers and sisters with our lives and so you children might be spending time with men who have rapped even their own daughters but they will never reoffend as Jehovah will never let that happen and if it does happen forget calling the police as your child will have to meet with three elders and they will have to be two witness to the fact that they were raped because these men would never lie especially to the elders.

  So does this sound like an appealing religion to join.

  I hold my husband accountable for this and I just do not get it how he can carry on.

  LITS
• 

  unshackled

  Yes...I think I've come to terms with it being a little of both - victim and accountable.

  There's been very little communication over the past 3-5 years between myself and my JW family members. I'm know they chock it up to "oh he's so lost and an hurtful child to his parents". Ironic though as I've been the only one to make any attempts in the past 8 years or so.

  So not sure if I just keep it this way and avoid contact, this would be easy as it is the status quo. OR get in touch and let them know exactly how I feel about the Org and religion in general, in turn severing all ties for good.

  What bugs me is the non-JW family members still in contact simply ignore that they are treated like crap. Ignore that one of our sisters is DF'd and thrown under the bus by the family. I want to stand up to it and speak out against. But to what end? Has anyone else taken this route?

  Just wondering how everyone else balances these things in any attempted relationships with their JW families...
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  carla

  Life is to Short, ha, if my jw ever cruises this site he will think you are me! I could have written that except for the pioneering part of course.
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  Lady Lee

  I too think it is both. There are many Witnesses that still maintain contact with DFed family members. They figure that what the elders don't know won;t hurt them.

  I think there are many JWs who despite the WTS are good people.

  And there are JWs who use the WTS' rules to excuse their abusive behavior whether they realize that is what they are doing or not.
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  moshe

  If they are all innocent, then there are no victims of WT tyranny.
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  unshackled

  Thanks for sharing Life is Too Short. It must be a tough situation. I find it difficult even though I live far away from family. In the same household would be another thing altogether.

  I wonder if your name is good advice for this thread? Life is too short. Sometimes I want to rattle the cage, but is it worth it? Good luck and peace to you.