Advice/Encouragement from experienced Faders?

by Mad Sweeney 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mad Sweeney

  When your insanely active JW family members start leaning on your more moderate JW family members who still talk to and associate with you to get them to "mark" (aka "shun") you, how do you channel your anger/frustration into something useful?

  I keep trying to show the moderate JWs the contrast between the unkind active JW's shunning behavior and the REAL love the Christ spoke about. It works to keep my moderate Dub family in touch with me but it doesn't really do anything for my mood. Every time a JW family member tells me that another Dub has been leaning on them to avoid me it frankly pisses me off.

  It isn't that I want to associate with uber-Dubs, but I don't want them actively working to take my remaining family away from me, either.

  I'm sure this happens (or has happened) to many of you. How did/do you deal with it?
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  blondie

  Well, what about if you had friends and one friend told the other they should not associate with you because they did not want to? It's a test of friendship and love. They have to stand up for their feelings about what love is all about. It is not just the first friend but how loyal and loving is the second friend, can they stand up for how they feel about you and not let others pressure them.
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  nugget

  Every time someone resists the pressure to shun you it is a victory. I haven't spoken to my sister and her elder husband for over a year I recently discovered that they are pressuring other members of the family to find out about our spiritual status. It doesn't occur to them to contact us directly to ask how we are or what we are doing because we may not be worthy of the attention.

  Keep being reasonable, keep being there for those that love and care about you and feel pity for those who have allowed their love and compassion to be hi jacked by a cult.
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  The Scotsman

  Someone said to me or maybe I read it (can't remember now!) that one of the greatest defences we have is to look happy, content and pleased with our life.

  JWs think that everyone that leave's must be faithless, immoral, depressed, worldly etc etc.

  If you can show that life after Watchtower is pretty good it is harder for them to ignore you.

  The slanderous stories that went around about me were shocking. Biggest was I had a breakdown and was severely depressed. but application of the above was the best response.

  I was invited to my sisters wedding (big JW event) and I went out of my way to tell anyone that asked how I was that everything was great, great job, going holidays etc etc. It puts them off balance and they start to view you as almost normal.

  When I first left I was pretty much shunned by everyone but in time people started to mellow, my mother started to phone again and people sent emails etc. Direct family members really backed off but it is better now - not great - but better.

  My final point I suppose is that it will never be perfect - you, me and everyone else that fades, DAd, DFd will be viewed as an outsider to some extent and to be kept at some sort of distance - though for some moderate JWs that distance is minimal.

  Best of luck with it - this site is living proof that life after Watchtower can be great and can include those who are still active JWs.

  The Scotsman
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  Mad Sweeney

  Thanks for the experience and advice. I knew I wasn't the first or only one experiencing these things.

  It isn't so bad being shunned by some family members; those who would do such a thing are probably not going to be your favorite people in the family anyway. But when they put pressure on other family members to find out about us or to discourage them from associating with us, they've gone too far.