Jw kids have a lot to live up to. We, like any other kids try to please our parents. We follow their rules and expectations and do everthing we can to make them proud. Then there is the pressure to please God. Most kids brought up in a christian religion also feel this pressure. He sees everything, hears everything - even knows your thoughts (heaven forbid they be in anyway immoral - for this is as bad as committing the act).
One of my main pressures growing up was how the rest of the witnesses viewed me. My problem started when my dads health and nerve problems got the better of him. He was unable to meet his requirements as a senior member and so had to resign from his position. From here on in he was viewed in a different light and so was our family. Not being regular in our spiritual endevours excluded me from all of the little clicks in the congregation and left me very lonely.
My parents still held up all of the stipulations that made my life a living hell at school, thus ensuring I never made any close friends. Eventually my need to socialise cost me my "faith" and I chose to hide the religion as best I could. Then I questioned what was wrong with all of my new found friends. They were not the immoral, wicked and deceptive people I had been told they were. So I chose my path.
I have recovered quite well from the traumatic experience and am living the life I want to live. But no matter how hard I try to convince my self otherwise I still feel like an outsider. Not ever good enough for the people I grew up with and not quite part of the real world. Does it ever feel quite normal?