Not good enough

by tigger23 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • tigger23
    tigger23

    Jw kids have a lot to live up to. We, like any other kids try to please our parents. We follow their rules and expectations and do everthing we can to make them proud. Then there is the pressure to please God. Most kids brought up in a christian religion also feel this pressure. He sees everything, hears everything - even knows your thoughts (heaven forbid they be in anyway immoral - for this is as bad as committing the act).

    One of my main pressures growing up was how the rest of the witnesses viewed me. My problem started when my dads health and nerve problems got the better of him. He was unable to meet his requirements as a senior member and so had to resign from his position. From here on in he was viewed in a different light and so was our family. Not being regular in our spiritual endevours excluded me from all of the little clicks in the congregation and left me very lonely.

    My parents still held up all of the stipulations that made my life a living hell at school, thus ensuring I never made any close friends. Eventually my need to socialise cost me my "faith" and I chose to hide the religion as best I could. Then I questioned what was wrong with all of my new found friends. They were not the immoral, wicked and deceptive people I had been told they were. So I chose my path.

    I have recovered quite well from the traumatic experience and am living the life I want to live. But no matter how hard I try to convince my self otherwise I still feel like an outsider. Not ever good enough for the people I grew up with and not quite part of the real world. Does it ever feel quite normal?

  • ozziepost
    ozziepost

    G'day tigger,

    Welcome aboard and thanks for your post.

    You ask "Does it ever feel quite normal?". I'm told by others more experienced than I that it can take many years, even 15 years to get it out of your system. As others have well expressed it, your mind was captive to a way of thinking. To change that will take some time, like being de-programmed.

    Mrs Ozzie and I spent much time with others in reading, reading, reading. We had to determine what we REALLY believed. Once we were sure of that, we were in a position to help others.

    Don't let your feelings distress you. As others have said: "Life's a journey". Enjoy the ride.

    BTW some of us from the board gather each 2 months for a bbq in the Sydney region. We gather on a Sunday afternoon. A great opportunity to "say it like it is" with good company and good food. The wine's pretty good, too! The next one is in February.

    E-mail myself or Prisca for details.

    Cheers,
    Ozzie

    "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
    Anonymous

  • Celtic
    Celtic

    Almost. But remember, these feelings are not unique to Jw's / Ex JW's only, people feel like this from across all sectors of modern society. Perfectly normal feelings.

    Good to see you here and hope you enjoy your stay.

    Peace and WhatKnot, Whatknot indeed.

    Mark
    [email protected]
    * http://www.can-online.org.uk
    Community Action Network

  • Princess
    Princess

    Welcome Tigger. Yes, for me it does feel normal. I have been out for five years and no longer differentiate between myself and other normal non-jw people. The ex-jw will always be a part of me, but for the most part I am only reminded when I run into a jw.

    It takes time and you have to get out there and socialize with normal people. The world is a great place to be. Enjoy your freedom.

    Princess

  • avengers
    avengers

    Hey man. Glad to meet you. Enjoy your freedom and don't ever allow anything or anyone to take it away from you.

    Freedom without any strings attached

    BTW some of us from the board gather each 2 months for a bbq in the Sydney region
    Wish I lived down under.
  • ozziepost
    ozziepost
    Wish I lived down under.

    Yes, we love it! But from what I've seen of your part of the world, it has real character. Mrs Ozzie and I quite like it. Or maybe it's just the lovable inhabitants!

    Cheers,
    Ozzie

    "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
    Anonymous

  • plmkrzy
    plmkrzy

    Hi and welcome aboard Tigger
    I heard stories of the day's when it's all better.
    I'm not possitive yet but I think there's a place you eventually get to and discover you just found a better place to keep the crap. And then you realize how much wisdom you have accumilated because of everything and surrived. And then you feel pretty damn good about yourself.
    Thats the road I want to be on anyway. It may seem like a real narrow one at times but you have lots of company.
    plm

  • SYN
    SYN

    Tigger, you've gotta put it behind you, fill your mind with other thoughts, get a hobby, anything. Keep yourself occupied, start THINKING again, and you will find the weirdness goes away, to be replaced with a distant memory of what you once were.

    One day years from now you will realize just how naive the Dubs really are, and then you will be truly free to live again.

    "I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone." -- Charles Darwin, The Origin Of Species, 1869.

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