by Vidiot 8 Replies latest social humour
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-religions-youve-got-all-wrong-because-hollywood/
The article describes four different religions (Rastafari, JWs, Amish, and Scientology); JWs are #3.
The JW entry is pretty accurate (and as usual, funny), but surprisingly doesn't mention the two-witness-rule-related legal troubles the WT has been having lately.
They believe that there are exactly 144,000 people in history that God will bring to heaven in their living bodies after Armageddon, and their hope is to be one of those people, which raises the question: Is there an undercurrent of bitter competition among Witnesses to be one of the few out of the many millions to secure a seat on God's bus to eternity? If you don't find yourself in that exclusive crowd, the best you can ask for is to be resurrected on Earth after the end times are over. If you don't fall into one of those two categories, you are just plain dead.
Anybody who thinks that is not qualified to write an article "correcting" the view of JWs given by Hollywood. So he's "correcting" the view given by Hollywood? He needs to be corrected.
So they will go "to heaven in their living bodies"??? What??? What does that mean?
"Their hope is to be one of these people". That was never my hope. I wanted to live here on earth.
"Is there an undercurrent of bitter competition among Witnesses to be one of the [144,000]?" This guy is clueless and presumptuous. "Bitter competition" to be one of the 144,000? Most of the JWs I know had no desire to be one of the 144,000, and the few partakers in my area were viewed as nutjobs.
There is plenty of sound, accurate info against JWs that I acknowledge, but I do not like it when Hollywood, the writer of this article, or anybody else paints an inaccurate picture. I like facts, truth, accuracy, honesty.
I read this article this AM and thought it was great (other than the glaring 144,000 error of course), but now it is no longer on the site and a google search for the article just takes you to the Cracked homepage. Revision (hopefully)?
There is plenty of sound, accurate info against JWs that I acknowledge, but I do not like it when Hollywood, the writer of this article, or anybody else paints an inaccurate picture. I like facts, truth, accuracy, honesty.
These type of articles only goes to justifying in the minds of the R&F dub that all "wordily" article's are a bunch of lies.
I read this article this AM and thought it was great (other than the glaring 144,000 error of course), but now it is no longer on the site and a google search for the article just takes you to the Cracked homepage. Revision (hopefully)?
I just checked and it has been taken off. Hopefully it is for revisions and not being pressured into taking it off by one of those "cults" written in the article.
I understand Magnum's and others feelings about the mistake with the 144,000 but as a non jw and talking to many non jw's about the cult you must understand that non jw's cannot wrap their head around jw theology at all. When I tell a non jw about the 144,000 and the paradise earth scenario they will say, "you mean they don't want to go to heaven?!? no, you must mean that 144,000 get to go and the others get stuck on earth?" or something to that effect. They cannot understand that a jw may truly have no desire to go to heaven.
Boggles my mind too.
Then they start doing the math of only 144,000 and they start asking how that works out? ha, yeah well it doesn't does it? at least in the non jw mind.
The non jw's I refer to either are Christian or have a knowledge of Christianity growing up going to a traditional church of some sort. The jw and Christian view of heaven is miles apart as is their view of God, Christ, etc....
The writer discusses it being pulled here:
http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/199423/scientology/20#msg3383057
Here is the part about the JW's in the article,
Jehovah's Witnesses are the people who knock on your door on Saturday afternoon to ask if you've heard The Good News, like they're going to tell you you just won the lottery. They're mostly harmless. They seem like pleasant enough people, even if they don't celebrate birthdays.
But beneath that skinny tie and loose-fit khakis lies one of the grimmest denominations of Christianity you'll find. Jehovah's Witnesses absolutely are not fucking around.
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Cue Slayer's "Reign in Blood."
First of all, Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the world is in the process of ending right now. And it started ending just over a century ago. Witness scripture is kind of on a fast track. Apparently, Satan rebelled and got kicked out of heaven on Oct. 1, 1914, and it's all gone downhill since then. It's like the gritty reboot of Christianity.
They also don't believe in an afterlife. They believe that there are exactly 144,000 people in history that God will bring to heaven in their living bodies after Armageddon, and their hope is to be one of those people, which raises the question: Is there an undercurrent of bitter competition among Witnesses to be one of the few out of the many millions to secure a seat on God's bus to eternity? If you don't find yourself in that exclusive crowd, the best you can ask for is to be resurrected on Earth after the end times are over. If you don't fall into one of those two categories, you are just plain dead.
grandeduc/iStock/Getty Images
Upside: no hell.
As mentioned, Jehovah's Witnesses are also opposed to holidays and birthdays, declaring them pagan. (Though they do encourage their followers to randomly give gifts to their kids to keep them from fleeing a religion free of gift-wrapped Ninja Turtle toys.) They're also opposed to military service, saluting the flag (which has caused some issues, as you can imagine), and singing national anthems. They're not big on depictions of the cross, either, because Witnesses believe that other churches' use of the cross is idolatry, and also that Jesus was killed on a single, upright post, instead of a traditional cross.
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Makes a crucifix look like a luxury.
Basically, it all sounds really depressing. Plus, they don't allow blood transfusions under any circumstances, even if it could save a life. And they have to knock on your door. Jehovah's Witnesses are required to be evangelical. Every month, they have to submit "field service reports" detailing their efforts to convert people. If they don't, they're deemed "irregular." If they go six months without submitting one, they're "inactive." And Jehovah help you if you ever leave, because then you're labeled "wicked." And if a Jehovah's Witness happens to disagree with any of the rules or scripture, they're immediately declared to be "mentally diseased." Did I mention they don't fuck around?
They have a super dark outlook on everyone else, too. They think the U.N. is evil and part of the Antichrist (which is weird because they very briefly joined them). They also believe all other religions are wrong and their followers will be destroyed when Jesus comes back. So, yeah, not extremely friendly to outsiders.
And things aren't just rough inside the faith, either. They've had plenty of stuff to deal with from the outside. Jehovah's Witnesses were also one of the targets of the Nazis during the Holocaust. Since they refused military service, Hitler rounded them up and put them in concentration camps along with the Jews, where they were marked with purple triangles.
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You can never again slam the door in their faces without feeling like a total asshole.
So next time you have them knocking on your door, just remember that they're actually Jesus' version of Kyle Reese, getting ready to unflinchingly fight a terrifying future war.
