Hello everyone. I've been checking out this site for a few weeks now and after feeling quite encouraged, I finally decided to register. So here is my story...
I'm 26 and I've been associated with the JWs for about 16 years. I took zealously to the 'truth'.
But things changed when I got married. I married my 'best' friend in 1997. We moved to a congregation that he was sure would allow him to grow spiritually. Well, somewhere along the way, we both lost our zeal. Our congregation was part of a circuit that was the wealthiest in our state. So naturally, quite a few of the 'friends' were well off financially. It became evident to me that money gave you status and priveleges in this congregation (and many others like it). You were only invited to go out with others if you drove a certain type of car and lived in a certain type of home. Imagine that! Materialistic witnesses? Never!
Anyway, my 'stay' there only made me depressed. I had 1 true, loyal friend and a host of substitutes for the real thing. I suffered from major depression and anxiety all because I was lonely and felt like I couldn't measure up. I felt punished for not being good enough. I still hung in there until this past summer.
For the past 2 years I've been begging my now ex-husband to 'take the lead' in our household. I figured we'd be better off spiritually. I knew I was weak (and so was he). But nothing ever changed. Not to mention the fact that he cost us our house and hurled us into a bankruptcy! More and more I felt that being married was not for me. I expressed this to him and to my best girlfriend. Of course, I thought sure Jehovah would help change my thoughts. Well, that never happened.
The beginning of my end happened when I decided to return to school in June. I met someone there and was attracted to him. This wasn't much of a surprise to me since I hadn't been intimate with my ex in about 2 years (another long story). So at that moment reality sunk in that if I could have feelings for someone other than my husband, it was time for me to go.
So I left at the end of August. Of course, my ex called the 'almighty' elders to 'save' me and to talk sense into me. That got old quick. They weren't interested in what led up to my decision or pushed me to that point. I could have told them about all of my ex-husband's indecretions, but that would have looked like a desperate attempt to bring him down with me. All they were concerned with was whether or not I would try to make things work. Well that's what I had been trying to do for 2+ years with no results!
The ex lied to all of my friends and spread gossip about a situation that no one else knew about. He built up his own little support system. Even my own parents were in his corner! People I hadn't spoken to in months were calling to find out if I was really leaving the truth. Ha! Witnesses don't gossip!
Anyway, after I left him, I immediately satisfied my deprived sexual appetite *yay*, so that my ex would have 'scriptural' grounds for divorce and would stop telling me about how he's changed and for me to come back.
Despite losing my best girlfriend, I don't miss the org anymore. The people in it, with the exception of a few, can be ruthless and cut-throat. They are slanderers, busy-bodies, manipulators and the list goes on. People have been given the license to look down on others.
After I got DF'd I ran into a young girl who is about 19, single and pregnant. Clearly she said all the right things so as to not get kicked out. I greeted her politely and she maded it clear that I was DF'd and should not be talking to her. Never has anyone looked at me in such a way. For a few minutes I felt 'small'. But never again!
I have never pretended to be anything more than human, so why would I allow someone else treat me like I'm less than one?
I'm am happier than I've ever been. No depression, anxiety or loneliness. I feel like I can breath again. My life is truly just beginning!