Many, Many thanks from all you folks who made a comment. You brought tears to my eyes. When reading your comments emotions just overwhelm me. That's a new thing for me in the last couple of years I cry now. I stop crying when I was about 9 years old. I just ate it up and held it in the pit of my belly. This caused in later life alot of doctor visits. My dear wife reopened mind is bringing out the climax of my story. But I forgive her she is the one who has been to hell and back with me all these years, I love her dearly. So here is more of my story. By the time I reached my teenage years I had pretty much blocked out memories of what had taken place in my earlier childhood. With my parents hardly ever around I had plenty of opportunity to fish, ice skate, be with my so called worldly friends and do whatever I wanted to do. And of course being a teenager all I could think of was girls. Even though my mother would have loved me to be a eunuch I had other things on my mind. You see my mother hated women, she would make comments all the time that lady had to small of breast or she was to fat or to skinny. But mostly she was obsessed with other womens breast size, I think even more than me. She had a very sick preverted way at looking at women. On the other hand boys or men could do no wrong. I think she would have been very happy if I had boy friends only and never looked at a girl. At any rate I was very good at living a double life, being a good Witness boy at the K.H. and being my real normal self elsewhere. This all changed when my parents moved me to Florida form Illinois. At 16 I was pulled away from all I knew. I did not even get to garduate with my class mates in Illinois. I still had two years of school left, so what was I going to do. Since I was not a very good student in school mainly because of my learning disability, college was out (that was bad and according to my parents that was a sin because the WT said so and I would die at armageddon if I did.) With 1975 just a few years away my dad would tell me over and over (don't have any interests in anything in this world science, sports, career, don't make any friends in this world they are all going to be destoryed at armageddon). To this day that stills makes me sick to my stomach also I always felf, why did be get to enjoy what he wanted to do with his life but I was not allowed to. I found this very unfair. You would have thought I should be seeing the light but no and the reason why is he also would tell me if I ever left the so called truth He and mother would never talk to me again I would be like a demon to them and they would have no part of me. Since my only reference point of religion was being a JW I could not see anything else. That summer in FL I ended up going out in field service with a group of pioneers several times a week. During that time of association they convinced me that as a male if I wanted privileges in the congregation and survive armageddon I had to be baptized. At 16 years of age I was baptized really having no idea why I qualified, I hardly knew anything about the Bible I was told what to believe all my life and never study with but I could answer the questions in the "Lamp" book because it was a open book question and answer session. By the time I was 19 years old I wanted to get married and leave this house before armageddon came. One of the reasons was to enjoy the pleasures of sex in case I was destroyed at armageddon. In 1974 I married my beautiful wife of 37 years now. My poor wife she had now idea what she was getting into. Unlike me she was not raised a JW and I meant her a month before she got baptized. All she knew was she was marrying an elders son and I must be very spiritual person, Yeah Right! What the poor thing got was a really mess up husband. Soon after we got married depression and high anxiety started to kick in, causing me to have many physical and emotional illnesses. We were told by many older ones and elders I was too young to be this sick and I must be going something wrong against Jehovah or we have a demon or I not reading my bible enough and on and on. Justly so my wife would get upset with me because I had a hard time making a living. I bounced from one job to another. Depression and anxiety would hit again and again I was never happy. As time went on we had two children and my overwhelming anxiety would kick in even harder. We would have elders come over to see us but again I was told I am not doing enough bible reading and field service or we had demons and Jehovah's spirit had left me. I even had a circuit overseer wanting to know why I was missing meetings and I told him Jehovah had blessed us with a child and I had to work more to support my family. His answer to me was "Jehovah did not bless you with a child. You had sex with your wife and she got pregnant". Thank you very much. All that did was make me feel guiltier and more depressed and more worthless. And the so called friends in the hall in reality we found very little emotional support and comfort from them especially from my parents. The counsel we got was usually critical and harsh. For the next serveral years I did little in the so called truth. I always felt like the 5th wheel when we were around the friends. By the time I reach my thirties I felt I needed to do something with my life. I will tell that story another time. My ritalin is wearing off. Ha Ha. Totally ADD
Part 2 not for the weak of heart
by TotallyADD 3 Replies latest jw friends
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I quit!
We would have elders come over to see us but again I was told I am not doing enough bible reading and field service
I was told that I needed to do the same thing when I was depressed. It turned out that being a JW was causing my depression.
Thanks for the story. Please continue.
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Ding
With 1975 just a few years away my dad would tell me over and over (don't have any interests in anything in this world science, sports, career, don't make any friends in
this world they are all going to be destroyed at armageddon).
For the 1975 deniers, here is yet another example of the harm caused by Fred Franz's end times speculations.
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OnTheWayOut
What the poor thing got was a really mess up husband.
My wife too, but in the long run your wife is better off with your messed up life than with a thoroughly JW life.
We were told by many older ones and elders I was too young to be this sick and I must be going something wrong against Jehovah or we have a demon or I not reading my bible enough and on and on.
Justly so my wife would get upset with me because I had a hard time making a living.This sounds like the story of Job.
Elders only have 4 or 5 answers and most of them are the "You need to do more" answers. MORE: Field service, praying, meeting attendance, reading the Bible and WT material, reliance on the organization.
Thanks for continueing your story. You really know how to drag it out and keep me hooked. Looking forward to the next installment.