My Daughter and Jehovah

by obiefernandez 5 Replies latest jw experiences

  • obiefernandez
    obiefernandez

    I have a five-year old daughter and I've been fully inactive for about 3 years. So she got a limited degree of JW exposure as an infant. Most of my immediate family are still Witnesses, but we don't have dealings with them on any regular basis. So imagine my surprise a couple of months ago when she brings up Jehovah during a lunch conversation.

    As far as I can tell she has no concept of God, or Jehovah as a spiritual entity or what that would entail. She thought Jehovah was a person, or a person in a story (???). She's kind of hard to understand sometimes. Anyway, I found it amusing, but I had no qualms telling her that I thought Jehovah was part of an ugly story. That he doesn't exist. (Guess that makes me a true apostate, eh?) That the people that talk about Jehovah don't like birthdays or Christmas. That was about the extent of the conversation.

    I wonder if you other exJW parents have experiences with young children and exiting the Witnesses. Do you fear, as I do, that our JW relatives will try to indoctrinate them behind our backs? I have told my parents straight-out on a couple of occasions that I don't want them to talk JW stuff to my children. Of course, that is probably of limited effect or they will rationalize ignoring my directives once the kids are old enough to start thinking for themselves.

    I have thought long and hard about the supposed "spiritual need" that many people talk about. Do you think it's an actual innate need like the JWs teach? Cause if so, it is futile, even unwise to not give our kids some sense of spiritual direction. There must be a good strategy for immunizing them against the dub bullshit that they will inevitably be exposed to. One of the options that my wife and I discussed briefly was to associate loosely with a church, particularly the Unitarian-Universalists, whose teachings are diametrically opposed to JWs.

  • pandora
    pandora

    My daughter is 10. I have not been associated with a church of any kind in her lifetime. But she has had dealings with my JW relatives. Last summer she wanted to go to church with a neighbor. This began a nice long conversation. Ultimately I told her that I had been doing a lot of research on the subject of religion and was not convinced that any of it was true. I told her that since she was still impressionable, I didn't want her to be exposed to any doctrine that would be drilled into her head as the "absolute" truth. I told her that she needed to be old enough to do the research and see both sides of the argument before deciding on anything. She understood this. We also discussed my being raised as a Witness and she felt that it must have been awful. Since she doesn't have anything to do with My mother (who is still in the Borg) she realizes that it must not be that good. She says she NEVER wants to stop talking to me, because of some religion. I love that child of mine.
    -P-

  • zanex
    zanex

    I am a fairly new father of a baby girl..she will be 1 on friday and I have been out of the borg collective for about 6 years now and my parents are practicing jws and my pop is even an elder...my daughter is still young enough where I dont have to worry too too much about explainin anything to her yet but I have to set the law down to my parents and I am still lacking in finding a way to explain it to them..thakfully my wife has very large fangs and she knows how to get my parents to back off...hmmm maybe thats why I married a wordly..heh heh...but yah I worry about my parents tryin to "undercover preach" to my daughter but I think that if I have open communication with my daughter that it will be enough for her to able to use her own good sense cuz her mom and I are two of the biggest cynics alive so I can only hope that once our daughter is old enough to see the difference between "jw" and "the world" that she is able to make the right decision...but whatever she does I have to memeber to support her..anyway..sorry bout the long drawn out windy post...lol...I'll go back and check into my room in the insane asylum...chuckle...

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    OB,

    Welcome to the watering hole of life! Someone whom I respect a great deal once said (poor paraphrase) "The world has had enough of being religionized. What it needs now is to be "spiritualized". Although I am involved deeply in a religion, it is only because it appeals to my intellect and to what I think real spiritualization means. The simple truths taught by Jesus and others are basic moral and ethical behavior that tells us how to treat each other with dignity and respect, honesty and justice. Anything else is purely a function of supporting these basic values.

    I hope you and pandora don't give up on all religion. I don't know what research each of you are doing, but if we focus on the noisy minority it clouds the reality that most people of most religions are genuine, loving and caring folk. ( I should say most people of no religion as well, although I think they are much more affected by the teachings of religion than they are want to admit).

    Warm regards and welcome, again.

    carmel

  • blue aquarian
    blue aquarian

    You are not imaging things. It is the mission of every god-fearing JW to convert you and your children. Your parents are hoping that your child's zeal will shame you back into "the truth". How do I know? My mother did everything in her power to retain control of her six children after my father refused to be baptized or attend her church. When I decided to leave, she turned my brothers and sisters against me. I could write a book on the things that happened to me "in the name of the truth" that included physical, emotional and sexual abuse all designed to break me. Don't back down! Be there for your daughter and tell her that there is no greater power than love...the love that a father has for his child, his family and god. Tell her that sometimes people make mistakes about God because they don't understand the true power of his love for EVERYONE. If you speak with confidence and authority, as my father did may years ago, you will give her the thread that she needs to find her way out of the mess. I've never forgotten how my father guided me through the darkest years of my childhood. Thanks to him, I am a college graduate with enough Master degrees to make soup and a happy, healthy marriage and family of my own. I was the only child of my family to "make it" in the real world. How I thank the fact that my father refused to give up on his children, even though only one of them was able to break free. He continues to love and help them in spite of their hate and abusive behavior. That is the meaning of true love.

  • GinnyTosken
    GinnyTosken

    Obie,

    A few of us here on the board discussed similar issues on a thread awhile back:

    "How do you spell God?"
    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=10059&site=3

    My son just turned 11. I don't try to protect him from being exposed to the Jehovah's Witnesses's beliefs, or any others, for that matter. When he asks questions, such as, "Why doesn't Grandpa hang up Christmas lights?" "Why doesn't Grandpa come over on my birthday?" I explain why, prefacing my remarks with, "Some people believe . . ." If the beliefs seem really strange to him, he'll usually ask, "Why do they believe that?" Then I explain some more.

    I watch him sit and mull this stuff over. After he's had some time, I'll ask him, "What do you think of that? Does it make sense to you?" Usually he spots a few problems with the beliefs himself. Sometimes I'll point out some others. I figure this is good practice. He needs to understand and beware of logical fallacies; I won't always be there to protect him from harmful beliefs.

    We've attended the Unitarian-Universalist church together, a group that satisfies my own spiritual needs very well. It gives me space and quiet to contemplate what I value. I enjoy the music, the fellowship, and the affirmations. The children study many different belief systems, and I like that my son is getting this exposure.

    While I consider myself an agnostic, my son is leaning towards atheism. He was very troubled by the movie Titanic--"Why didn't God answer those people's prayers?" I don't have a good answer for him.

    What is even stranger to consider is that at his age I was preparing for baptism as one of Jehovah's Witnesses--entering into a contract for which I'd be held liable 10 and 20 years later. I can't imagine encouraging or allowing my son to do something like that.

    Ginny

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