My sisters family

by RevLeFrench 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • RevLeFrench
    RevLeFrench

    Hi Everyone!

    I found this site and thought I would let some people know of my experiences.

    My sister is a baptised witness and had a bash at getting me to join. She thought it would help straighten me out and save me, (I had been a very naughty boy and had just been released for a very serious crime where I hurt some people).

    I have always had an interest in theology and have always believed in a god, I just didnt like him that much because i blamed him for things that had gone wrong in my life.

    The first meeting I want to was horrible. An elders wife ran up to me and was saying how lovely it was to see me there and I told her exactly what she could do in some very colourful language. My sister wasnt surprised at my action but was extremely embarressed!

    I kept going and got right into it but I couldnt read a watchtower. I didnt like the way it was written with all the 'true christians do what we say', used to really annoy me. I used to fall asleep a lot in the 2nd half of the meeting but always claimed to be 'deep in prayer' if anyone pointed it out. I turned a lot of things around in my life and managed to control my anger for the first time. I was taken in by an elder who worked really hard on me. A few years later and I was working for him (My sister is an accountant and I was a Private Investigator but was helping with the accounts). As I was looking at the accounts I could see a lot of things wrong and told my sister to stop working as I could see we would not get paid for this work. I was already tens of thousands of pounds down as a few people had gone bankrupt on me and i was really struggling so I didnt want to lose more money, I just couldnt afford it.

    The elder, John, said he was getting a tax refund and "promised to Jehovah!" that he would pay me. I took his oath and cracked on, not taking work from other places to complete these accounts works (3 years worth!)

    Accounts complete, tax refund issued, I recieved nothing. I wanted to kill the guy and was fuming. I had already uncovered fraud in his accounts and spotted some pretty wierd things going on (He was going 'up North to sell nappies' but never had paper work and had photos of him with another woman) and I started to look into him a bit closer. I discovered a lot and he was in a financial mess even though he had plenty of cash coming in.

    I kept asking for payment and he basically told me to get lost. I took it to the elders, they done nothing. I cannot remember everything but we ended up on the phone and he was crying, thelling me how poor he was and he was going to lose his house. I explained that I was angry because he had lied to me and everyone else by saying he didnt owe me anything. Long story short, I wiped the debt for him. 10 days later he bought a brand new mercedes.....

    It rocked me completely. There where a lot of rumours going around the congregation about me, most were lies, some were true but I knew they had got the ture ones by accident because I had never told anyone about parts of my past! I decided the only way to build my faith was to start at the beginning and build from there. I managed to get hold of some old JW books and all the watchtowers from 1879-1949. I read through them all and was left with more questions than answers. There was a war in my own head as I was reading things that didnt add up. I discovered so much and I urge everone to do the same.

    I started pointing things out to my sister but she wouldnt listen. The more I tried to show her, the less she would listen and it would end in an arguement. After 3 years, I said something that hit a chord with her. I dont remember exactly what it was but it was about how the watchtowers are written and the psychology and propaganda in them. She started to notice it herself and we would chat about it. It was really slow and hard work but little by little I could see the walls coming down. She has 2 daughters and a son. The son has grown and moved away, he hates religion with a passion. The two girls are with her, one is baptised and refuses to listen to anything negative, the other stopped going as soon as her mum did.

    My sister wont leave because her daughter threatened to move out and live with other witnesses. She doesnt go to many meetings now, just enough to keep people off her back. Her daughter get lots of problems with witnesses trying to bully her and I always jump in and wave a big spikey stick around so they leave her alone but she still goes back.

    If anyone has any ideas on a different way of reaching my niece, that would be good.

    I still have a belief in G-d. It stops me from biting peoples heads off which is good and I have to thank the witnesses for that. I would love to see John the elder again and give him a big hug! He was DF'd a while ago when they finally done something about him leading a double life. I have a lot to thank him for, Without him I would never have looked or researched things for myself.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    No specific advice this morning from me, but thanks for your full detailed story. Welcome to this forum. General advice is to read Steve Hassan's COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and his second book, RELEASING THE BONDS; EMPOWERING PEOPLE TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES. Those might help with the niece.

  • Murray Smith
    Murray Smith

    Rev . . . with the job you did on your sister (nice going), you've probably had more success than most of us here.

    I feel a void myself in that there is no specific approach that is known for it's good success rate. Individuals and circumstances make for a lot of variety . . . but if more information on the more successful approaches to take were available . . . I'd love to get on to it too . . the above refs (esp Hassan) make a good starting place

  • Broken Promises
    Broken Promises

    By the sounds of things, I'd be afraid to owe you money!

    Glad you're out, as well as your sister. As for your niece who is still in, give it time. No one leaves until something happens that opens their eyes to the "love" of the congregation, or something else that gets them thinking.

    I also recommend reading the Steve Hassan books. And welcome!

  • Lozhasleft
    Lozhasleft

    Hello and welcome.

    Loz x

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    My sister is a baptised witness and had a bash at getting me to join. She thought it would help straighten me out and save me, (I had been a very naughty boy and had just been released for a very serious crime where I hurt some people).

    Well, I'm not sure what to say here. I hope that this type of activity is behind you. I would hope that instead of this mentality you could become the kind of role model your niece needs to look up to. How about showing her that you can be successful and a nice person without the Witnesses? How about encouraging education so that she could have a fulfilling job that contributes to society? You could do that by setting the example here also.

    I wish you success in your personal life, and that of your family.

  • RevLeFrench
    RevLeFrench

    Hi, thank you all for the welcome!

    Yes I was bad and very stupid back then. I have changed a lot and although now and again I growl a bit, I take a walk for half an hour and tell myself to stop being an idiot and Im good. It was a case of de-programming myself from a lifetime of being taught to be aggressive.

    I will checkout those books, Thank you. I bought 'crisis of conscience' but have not read it myself yet.

  • clarity
    clarity

    RevLeFrench welcome to this place.

    I like your honesty Rev. Wow, I hear you on that cheater who beat you out of your money, how disheartening. To top it all off, you went a step farther to write it off for him .... and he stung you again!!!!! What a bastard!

    I hope you find support here. You may have been a bit of a tough guy but there is a seam of kindness in you that is 'gold'. Lead with that ... and your niece will listen.

    clarity

  • nugget
    nugget

    Everyone is different and has to have reached their own personal tipping point. The recommended reading really helped us and may give you some ideas of your own.

    Welcome to the board glad to know the violence is behind you.

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