Hello! This is an introduction. My JW life, I admit now, is typical. In ways it’s typical for: JW demographics, life passages, time in a high control group. I’m not much of a writer but here goes…
My first memory was at a large stadium, summer assembly, in 1961, in California. I was five. My family associated with JW’s consisted of one unbaptized parent that attends here and there and a baptized crazy aunt. I started studying regularly with a pioneer couple. Within months, at age 10, regular attendance at meetings & field service, followed. This continued where ever we moved (I’ve lived from one end of the west coast to the other). My family life was not especially stable. I lived with either parent or different relatives. Stability came from having “the truth”.
The apex was the approaching mid 70’s. In my late teens/early twenties I entered my idealistic stage. Baptism was at 16, then pioneering after completion of high school. I desperately needed all the answers in a neat package. My zeal was enhanced with the 1975 peak of fervor and “ingathering”. In the late seventies, foregoing an education, I married a JW and had several children in close succession. I continued to try to keep up with all the requirements. At this point it began to dawn on me that I might have dug myself a hole and I’d better start looking for a rope to either hang myself or pull myself out.
With my slow slide down the curve in the early eighties, I went through the initiation of seeing the underbelly of the organization, JW imperfections and pressure. The usual: Elders using power for monetary gain, self righteous judgmental types, immorality covered over based on congregational position, double lives, all while proclaiming “We are God’s chosen people”. I could never be a good enough Christian. You must do more! My extended family life was controlling and judgmental. I had married into a struggling family business.
By the mid 80’s I hit the wall. The business failed. I’d had enough of the religious pressure and manipulation. We had children to raise. I decided it was time to “get back to basics”. Take care of what is most important. My values basically were “the golden rule” (found in most religions and belief systems) and caring for my children. These core values have not changed to this day.
One more learning lesson for me: quit whining and pull yourself out of the hole! We both went back to school, at different times, and learned new skills that ensured a reliable decent income. We became mostly inactive as far as the JW’s, attending once in a while. I like a statistics quote for the 80’s: we were part of the ones that just tired out. JW family called me selfish & my husband worldly.
We attended sporadically through the ninety’s. I wish I had the knowledge in 85 that I have today, examining my religion. It would have saved us the embarrassment of being the Jehovah half-wits for fifteen years!!! You know the ones. The parents both work. The family attends sometimes. Field service is way optional. The kids have worldly friends, attend parties, run for school office, and go out for sports but no saluting the flag! “Worldly people” at work think you’re a little weird and the witnesses make fun of you!
We did study through a book or two with the children, during this time, but had an unspoken pact not to encourage baptism while they were teenagers. If they decided to have a different religion, so be it. We had seen so many lives deeply affected as teenagers “sow their wild oats” then are punished and ostracized.
Here’s the end of the cycle with no regeneration. I’m on the internet reading the news last August. JW molestations headlines. Nice lengthy article about Kentucky molestation lawsuit and other similar lawsuits. I ask what else is being covered over? Why can’t I examine my religion!? BTW I want to thank everyone for all the information on the websites. You do make a big difference.
Chronologically, I began with more on cover-ups. Then, of the GB attitude and handling of life and death matters of blood & neutrality. So many lives lost and ruined sincerely trying to serve God. The reality is a group of men/corporate publishing & real estate power have the audacity to proclaim themselves God’s mouthpiece that must not be questioned and demand high compliance. I then focused on the psychology of mind control and high control groups. This has become my filter of understanding my JW history. I continued to read everything I could on the internet. Then I purchased several books to finish reading what wasn’t posted. The doctrinal points were easily dismantled. The quotes only sites speak for themselves. To sum it all up: JW’s are just what is found in reference books, an odd offshoot of the SDA’s.
It seemed like it was only over a few days. I began to think with my own mind. After continued reading and reasoning my beliefs are now along the Atheist/Agnostic/Skeptic lines. I had salvation vs. punishment questions but that’s for another thread.
By this time, I’m astounded, exclaiming to myself “you idiot you were just selling books!” I remember so smugly saying “I would never end up a follower of Jim Jones drinking purple kool aid!” I lived in SF and passed by his temple regularly in 1971. I also lived in Oregon when the Rajneshees were big and proclaimed “Look at all those expensive cars! How could anyone be that stupid to blindly believe like that?” I am!!! and might have killed my children over the blood doctrine to prove it.
I talked to my children about the research. They were studying off and on. They now pursue other beliefs; the one baptized was regretting it and wants a normal life. Apologizing to them some how felt like a death row prisoner blubbering on about repentance. My present family situation is precarious due to the shunning doctrine.
This is lengthy. I’ll sign off now…
“When the long, long day is over, and the Big Boss gives me my pay,
I hope that it won’t be hell-fire, as some of the parsons say.
And I hope that it won’t be heaven, with some of the parsons I’ve met-
All I want is just quiet, just to rest and forget.”
The Spell of the Yukon and other Verses by Robert W. Service