Nice Reminder

by Lunatic Faith 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Lunatic Faith
    Lunatic Faith

    So, I received a wake up call in the last 48 hours that reminded me of the need to keep my head down if I don't want to get my ass DF'd for apostasy. Someone on here posted an interesting blog about this Baptist minister who doesn't believe in God any more. Found here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/beliefs/207757/1/Reasons-for-disbelief-The-top-ten-reasons-I-am-an-atheist

    I really enjoyed the article and decided to post it to FB. Bad idea! I got an email from an old JW friend in another city who told me she was a bit confused and wondered if I was still a JW. I went ahead and told her the watered-down truth, so she is out of my life. I felt like I had jumped off a cliff when I admitted it to her.

    That night my brothers get together, along with their families and my stepson, and talk about how I am an apostate and if I don't get myself under control they are going to disown me. My nephew texted everything that was being said to me which threw me into a deep depression. Here are some of the things they said:

    "She has nothing good to say about the truth."

    "That's why we should stay away from Facebook. FB makes apostates."

    "I hate Facebook."

    "She (me) said on her blog that she is searching and has an open mind. That's the surest sign of an atheist--an open mind."

    WTF!!!!!!!!!! Do they realize how stupid that sounds? So if only atheists have an open mind does that mean religious people HAVE to be close minded?

    So I decided, 'Well, hell. They already think I'm an apostate...' so I took one of my brothers a box of all of our service stuff: leather bound text holders, territory holders, magazine and brochure holders, book bags, etc. I never plan on using them, I don't want to just throw them away, so I gave them to him. My hubby thought I was crazy. Nothing like coming right out and saying, "I'M DONE!" He took them with no comment and a lot of false cheerfulness. (whatever)

    On the way home, I stop in at the local grocery store and run into an elder I have known all my life from the cong I am supposed to be attending. He was very kind and told me if I ever needed to talk to anyone, about anything, he would be there for me. He didn't ask me where had I been, he didn't tell me he had missed me. He just said he knew I was having a hard time and they think about me a lot. I found it very kind. I have known him my whole life and always trusted him, but I just thanked him and walked away. What else can you say?

    When I got home I found my husband had posted an inflammatory comment on FB about families that disown and judge other family members because of religion. Which initiated another message from an old JW friend in Montana who wanted to know what was going on. I thought about telling her the truth, but decided I was finished with telling people all my personal business. So I told her he was having family issues. Period.

    But this situation plunged me into an interesting crisis. This whole process of fading has been very interesting. I seem to swing from absolute certainty to periods of doubt and fear. The last two days made me wonder if I was in fact doing the right thing. It scared me that people I have always cared about could come to hate my name. I realized, if I want to fade successfully and not receive any "visits" I need to keep my head down, stop putting stuff on FB, and keep my opinions to myself.

    I know this isn't the way a lot of you fly, but I don't want to have my name blackened. I would prefer people say, "Yeah, I don't know what happened to LUna." Rather than, "Well, you heard she was an apostate, didn't you?" "OMG, really? She was always so theocratic. Now she's the devil!" Anyway, you get the point. If you're trying to fade, keep quiet.

  • tec
    tec

    I don't even know what to say about those comments. Do they know how cultish those comments sound? Most religious people accuse atheists of being close-minded (if they accuse them of anything, that is).

    So I decided, 'Well, hell. They already think I'm an apostate...' so I took one of my brothers a box of all of our service stuff: leather bound text holders, territory holders, magazine and brochure holders, book bags, etc. I never plan on using them, I don't want to just throw them away, so I gave them to him. My hubby thought I was crazy. Nothing like coming right out and saying, "I'M DONE!" He took them with no comment and a lot of false cheerfulness. (whatever)

    Mmm. Are you sure you want to do a fade, lol? Sounds to me like you're more the person to call others out on what they're saying about you, if you think it is unjust.

    I'm sorry, because I know how it has to hurt that people you love are both (mis)judging you, and treating you badly, as if you no longer are the same person as you were five minutes ago. I was glad to read that your husband had posted something inflammatory about the practice on FB, though. Shows how much he is in your corner, and loves you!

    Will it really matter to you what people who are willing to treat you so terribly will think of you? I understand the family, but the rest... why worry about what they think?

    Tammy

  • Lunatic Faith
    Lunatic Faith

    I have spent my life worrying about how others view me, and although I am trying to lose that obsession, it is slow going. The fears of alienation and exclusion are so deeply embedded I have a hard time not having a morbid fear of having my name announced from the stage, or sitting in a judicial meeting. A year ago, I never could have imagined I would be in this situation. I really want to 'buy out more time':) until I have become jaded enough to not care. Unfortunately, I still do--about some. Not all, just a few old and dear friends who are still deeply entrenched.

    I know that sounds stupid and self-defeating, but "everything in its time".

  • tec
    tec

    It doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds as if you know yourself well, and are taking a course of action that is right for you, while leaving yourself room to grow and become stronger than what you already are.

    Tammy

  • miseryloveselders
    miseryloveselders

    Its so crazy reading this stuff. No matter how many times I read these kinds of threads and posts, I still find myself somewhat surprised at how JW relatives treat those with doubts, or those with changed opinions. I'll never understand it, I'll never understand why people just can't live and let live. Its amazing how people lose sleep over someone else coming to a different conclusion on a religious matter. I've been hesitant at times to label JWs a cult, but if the boot fits............

    Sorry you have to go through this Lunatic. Life aint never fair, never easy.

  • Mat
    Mat

    Hi LF, the periods of doubt and fear you describe are called "floating". I don't know if you have read it but it's described in Combatting Cult Mind Control a book I'm sure most here will reccomend, if you haven't already heard of it. Thread about it here:

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/177735/1/I-had-the-floating-sensation

    I totaly understand the not wanting to make a clean break. It was easier for me as I had no family in it, but even I couldn't bring myslef to just leave like that.

  • charlie brown jr.
    charlie brown jr.

    It's a wonderful thing to live for yourself.....

    Not worried about what so called friends will think

    Even family need to take a backseat to your happiness....

    Your alive and you will DIE....... so take these moments to make yourself happy and if your happiness can be shared with family or friends even better......

    It's not fun living a LIE!!!!

    There is only one YOU! and You NEED HAPPINESS!!!

    Love to all

    Charlie Brown Jr.

  • EmptyInside
    EmptyInside

    I understand what you're going through. I just told my best friend I was having doubts,and now,she doesn't even respond to e-mails.

    Then,it's easy to question yourself. It's a scary situation,turning your back on what you've always now. And there doesn't seem to be a middle ground for the Witnesses. You're either with them or against them.

    But, it's true,if you want to stay under the radar and not be d'fd,you have to just not comment. It's hard,because you hear so many ludicrous comments from Witnesses. But,anymore,to keep peace,I just don't say anything.

    Plus,I've gradually deleted all Witnesses I know on my facebook. And I won't be accepting any friend requests from them either. If they were good dubs they wouldn't be on facebook anyway.lol.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    I wish you well in your attempt to fade and hope you don't get df'd. But please understand that there is no honorable way to leave the Watchtower cult. Whether you da, are df'd or fade, jws will still say nasty things about you. Cults shoot their wounded. The best you can hope for is to maintain a semblence of a relationship with your family after fading, but you will always be looking over your shoulder. Hopefully yu will get to the point that you don't care what others, even family members, say or think about you. Remember, these same people know you're not happy, and instead of trusting your judgement and rights as an adult, they are turning against you. And why shouldn't they? They would turn against you for accepting a blood transfusion in a life or death situation.

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