MY LIST

itsbeenalongtime

I have been doing a lot of thinking and...for some reason i keep saying to myself I should write a letter of dissociation...However at the same time I think its just a waste of time. So I made a to do or not to do list.. I still cant make up my mind... So I thought I should show the list to everyone and maybe you guys could add to the list things I may be taking into account... Thanks..

Not to mail the letter
-It could effect my kids in a bad way..I have been teaching my daughter about jehovah for 8 years...How will this effect her if I just change my mind??

An Elder lives right next door to me.

My husband doesnt want me too.

I will lose my Best friend.

I will lose all my husbands family ( I dont have any family in the truth).

What if I change my mind and want to return??

To write the letter -
I dont want my kids to grow up in the "truth".

I want to be free from all the people in the hall.

I want to be able to not go to meetings without being made to feel guilty from others.

If I write the letter they will stop talking to me and I wont have to hear the gossip.

I have no family in the truth, but my husbands whole family is the the truth..

I want to feel happy again.

I felt guilty when that when i got baptized and called my church to have them take me off their records. So i feel that if the society should take me off their records as well since they made me do it to another church.

I still believe in God and want to do what is right but want to be able to serve him in the way the Bible says, not the way others feel I should.

I feel that just fading away will cause more trouble than its worth...Such as will people I mean.

I dont wnat to have live a fake life or double life anymore.

Also, if I am to write the letter do I send it to the elders.... Also I was thinking of sending a letter to everyone I knew at the hall too the day before i send my letter to the Elders...That way maybe I can plant a seed with them while I still had a chance... And dones anyone have a letter I could copy to send in. I dont want to tell the Elders anything other then I am done. I dont owe them an explantion.......I was also wondering will they come talk to before they tell the people at the hall or will they just make the anounsment?

Sorry for all the questions, and thanks everyone for all your help. This is such a crazy time for me.

DesirousOfChange

It seems to me that if you no longer want to play the WT game, then why worry about playing by their rules. The DA letter makes it easy for them. You're out. By choice. Period. No messing with a JC and all that. But it's still playing by their rules. Just move on and live your life and screw them!

bsmart

What DOC said!

itsbeenalongtime

Yes but did you guys find it better to not have to deal with seeing people...I mean When i see the Elder that lives next too me I would rather have him just walk on by...Like today he came outside just to ask me how I was doing..........I would rather have them leave me alone..That is the main reason I would want to write the letter. How long does it take for people to leave you alone if you fade away?

PYRAMIDSCHEME

You've come to the right place for advice. Just about all of us can understand what you are going through. Unfortunatly there is no easy answer becasue we all have different situations and handle things in a different way. The Org is not going to go easy on you whether you mail the letter or not. We all no what happenes when we leave. But if you stay and fake it or just try to be "inactive" they wont leave you alone with the guilt trips and emotional terrorism they are so good at. I feel bad for all those that go through what you are dealing with. Your right, you dont owe the elders any explanation for anything, this is your life, its none of their business. But it is your families business and it does affect them. The problem with JW's is they are all brainwashed and they wont even try to understand what you are dealing with, how you feel or even how hard this is for you. This is a good place for support, use it to the fullest, we are all here for you.

bsmart

OK, I changed my mind. If the elder is next door just hand him the letter. Your husband is the other problem tho, tell him your dilema and ask him to look at the list. Will he be supportive at all?

Your little girl is going need a long talk about how you still love God (if you do?) and feel that that the people in the organization are being misled (or whatever you feel). If she has friends at the hall you may have to consider this too. A bible study with just the Bible may help you show her where you are at. Tell her God is the judge not the elders or people. If she is a typical kid, showing her you love her and God may be enough. If she has bought into the JW she will worry that you will die at Armagedon.

Do whats best for you!

Edited for spelling

exwhyzee

You can do all the things listed on your "TO" list without writing a letter that will do nothing except make you feel better short term, but will end in your losing more that just the years you've spent on this so far.

Just play it cool...your leaving isn't an emergency. If you do it right, they might not even notice. We left after being "in" our whole lives, 30+ years of regular attencance in the same hall. It took 2 years for the elders to notice we hadn't been there and to come by our house with the C.O. I always tell people to behave like the British Royal Family does when faced with contorversy. They never complain, never offer any explainations, they make no excuses or apologies for themselves. This way they remain somewhat mysterious and maintain a certain mystique that keeps them from groveling at the feet of their critics. No one knows what they really think about anything so they have no amunition to use against them. Their accusers go away and leave them alone and the whole thing blows over and they go on as normal.

Show up at the Hall once in awhile...practice being very vague and giving blank looks. Offer no concrete answers as to your whereabouts during the meetings and assemblies. You owe them nothing but remember, they are prepared to make you pay big time for not playing the game anymore.

Black Sheep

Shut up and lie low until you have a plan.

Once you put on your big scary apostate hat your ability to have a slightly sane conversation with any of your Dub family members is gone.

If you have family members that you want to get out with you ............... you have to be the last to leave.

Sorry I don't have a better plan.

Chris

itsbeenalongtime

Thank you all..Just a lot to think about I guess..

nugget

If you are having to think it over you are not ready. My advice would be not to unless you have no other option. As your husband and his family is still in then the watchtower machine will spring into action as soon you send in the letter. They will be under tremendous pressure to punish you and distance themselves from you. It will make it so much harder for you.

My daughter was 9 and son 7 when we started the fade. When the end came for us my daughter was 10 and son 8 and we were mentally ready to take the hit and walk away from people who were important to us for the sake of our children. The important thing was that there was no question or doubt. Our lives have changed radically and our children have been a big part of that the fade worked for us up to a point. The children weren't harmed by taking a year to get things together.

MY LIST

Share this