After White Doves post on her son and the problems she was having let me share mine with you...
At the time it is my 51 year old divorced Mother of one daughter (married with two children) and one son still living at home that is 13.
Here ya go:
Let me tell you about the fun I have with my grown 51 year old daughter...lol how much time do you have. One thing I find is you cannot hold a grudge no matter how unkind they are..they will lock you out of their lives..mine did that for a year. I had no contact with her but one day she commented on one of my posts on facebook and it all started from there..we eventually made up. BUT..I know she has some deep problems..I don't know if it is drinking, drugs or gambling but she is always out of money. She shouldn't be because I know appr what she makes and what certain things cost and she makes plenty to cover them plus she gets a good child support check faithfully every month for her one son. Thankfully she has held down her job for many years and hopefully will continue to. our argument was over her not being able to borrow from me any longer . I offered to help her work out a budget but she just got pissed and hung up on me and refused to have contact with me after that..now that we have been speaking for a few months she lately has been dropping hints about how she didn't have any money..it seems someone stole a hundred dollar bill from her purse when she was training for a part time job..that was on Saturday..the only day she worked there that week. I talked to a mutual girlfriend and she said that my daughter had called and borrowed $40. from her 2 days earlier and gave her the same story..only thing was she hadn't been to work yet and was claiming the money was already stolen.. She doesn't think we will compare stories..surprise..well I finally give in after she tells me how she is pawning her son's game to get some money for gas..(I am wondering where the $40. went) OK..so I meet her halfway and give her another $40. and filled up her tank ($30.)so she can go to work till payday on the 1st. I was happy that she can relax as she had been having headaches from worrying.( I thought) She told me she had to go to ER with her headache and they said she had fluid on her ear drum and gave her steroids and sent her home. (did a cat scan) She also told me tha tan earlier Dr appointment she was told she has Lupus..(doubtful). She throws stuff out at you like that and then forgets she said it.
So I look on facebook today and see that she had a guy friend (just a friend)over last night and drank a little too much Tequila..I am thinking "Is that where the money went I just gave you" I know she likes to drink and usually gets the cheap vodka and 7 up to drink .I am sure the friend didn't buy the Tequila as he never has any money either..He doesn't work and only has a job training one family at physical fitness..(Long story).
That is one of the reasons I quit lending her money last time, I found out she was having her son's friends over to entertain him on the weekends and feeding them for two days and taking them out to eat or she takes this boy friend and her son to the drive in right after I lend her the money "for food". or she goes out and buys the son a expensive toy because she can''t say no then she gives him a lecture later about they don't have any food because he begged her for the toy till she gave in..Putting it all on him. Or I found out she went on a gambling boat...
So now I feel munipulated again..I fell for the sob story once again ..Oh and the Mom is dead thiing, I can relate both her and her married 26 year old daughter have pulled that one. Usually to get out of a tight situation, I have died several times..
So now what to do. I won't go off on her but have really been thinking how to handle this..I talked with a counselor briefly about this kind of situation and decided that I should just say no and change the subject..I decide that from now on when she starts the money talk and woe is me I will offer to lend her some money but never over $40. I WILL charge her $5. for my time and my gas to meet her and give her the money. No further money will be lent until the first loan is paid off.( 30 day time limit to repay).what she does then with the money is her decision and I won't feel used if she wasted it..it will be her loss. Before when I was lending her money it had climbed to the hundreds each month an dnot seein ga dime back.
It has gotten so bad that no one answers the phone when she calls them at certain times of the month because they know why she is calling..and she will call until you answer.. I counted over 25 one time. On both phones!
And did I mention the pain pills? That's another story..
did I mention she went bankrupt a few months ago and has to pay a certain amount back per month to settle the amount..she was having her check garnished but now the amount is less than a third what she was paying . So she starts bragging about all this money she is going to have and soon starts going out and buying new stuff, well actually she got things from rent a center and is paying on them monthly..now she is complaining about not having any money again..And her car needs repair.
Don't even get me started on the drug test for her new part time job he passed with her fake urine in a bag because of her using pain pills at the time. (not prescribed)
Do do you feel any better now? Does your boy not seem so bad? It seems our kids really know how to hurt us and put us on guilt trips..miine brings up what a horrible deprived childhood she had as a JW and I guess she figures I owe her or something..whateve she is doing it has been working for her..but I am getting wise..
I love my daughter very much. She can be the sweetest and fun daughter there is ..but I need to learn to handle this ..and hopefully I have come up with a solution. I have also tried to drop hints of how others see people that borrow all the time , I don't think she has a clue..
Snoozy..to be continued... Love having a place to vent... Anyone else need to vent..have at it..