To "Fade" - What does this mean?

by AFreeSpirit 9 Replies latest jw friends

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  AFreeSpirit

  I have never been a JW but I have close friends who are. What does it mean when they say that they want to fade?
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  VampireDCLXV

  I bid you welcome, AFreeSpirit!

  The problem with growing up in a JW family with JW friends all around is that you are expected to and commanded by higher ups to NEVER LEAVE the JWs under any circumstances. It's hard enough to cope with when you're young and unbaptized but it's 10 times worse if you DO get baptized. Baptism is a trap because it leaves you open to a specific form of punishment called DISFELLOWSHIPPING, aka SHUNNING. If you develop doubts and openly express them to others, you get in trouble. If you try to break the rules or rebel in any way, you get in trouble. If you piss off the wrong people in the congregation and/or get ratted out by others, you could end up facing a kangaroo court called a JUDICIAL COMMITTEE. It's basically like a Star Chamber trial or an Inquisition. If you are found guilty by this kangaroo court and are viewed as unrepentant of your "sins", you could get Disfellowshipped/Shunned. What does that mean? Basically you are cut off from all of your family and friends that you grew up with and there won't be any outside support since friendships outside of the religion are highly discouraged by the JW leadership. It's something that is really traumatic for most people who suffer this.

  To spare themeselves the trauma of this horrid practice, JWs who want to leave often employ the strategy of FADING, whereby one slowly withdraws their participation in the religion so as not to raise too many red flags among other JWs. It's an attempt to slowly withdraw from the religion without facing severe disciplinary action from the leadership and family. People trying to leave the JW religion achieve this objective with varying amounts of success. Some are found out almost immediately and are branded APOSTATES (traitors) by everyone around and are tossed out of the congregation immediately thereafter, thus suffering a type of emotional whiplash, as it were. Others have been able to successfully slip under the radar and never have to hear from JWs ever again. In short, your mileage may vary.

  It's little wonder that the JWs are called a CULT or a High Control Religion at the very least. Growing up as a JW can be very emotionally damaging and can leave lifelong emotional scars. A very high percentage of active JWs are seeking to leave but feel trapped because of family ties.

  I hope this explains things for you...

  V665
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  Retrovirus

  Hi AFreeSpirit,

  I've never been a jw either. "Fading" means backing quietly out of the jw community, quickly or slowly, rather than disassociating from it. This is usually done to maintain contact with relatives and/or friends who are still active. If a person disassociates or is disfellowshipped, believing jws are required to avoid contact with them.

  Retro
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  jwfacts

  This really shows that the Watchtower is a law driven society rather than being concerned with principles.

  If a baptised person leaves quietly and does not get disfellowshipped they can be spoken to. If they leave but get disfellowshipped they cannot be spoken to. The difference is simply a law enforced due to a label.

  In my extended family:

  1. One child was never baptised. That person has done most "sins" and does not believe the doctrine. She associates freely with JW family and JW friends.
  2. Another child was baptised, later faded. They stopped going to meetings, do not believe the doctrine and moved in with a girl a few months before marrying her. They slipped under the radar and associate freely with JW family and JW friends.
  3. I was disfellowshipped for not believing the doctrine. I have limited family association and no association with most JW friends. At times I am treated as if I carry a deadly, contagious disease, with former friends avoiding eye contact or crossing the road so as not to come near me.

  3 people, identical upbringings, identical feelings about the religion, but due to a technicality I am treated differently.

  That is why I recommend the fade to most people. It leaves options open.
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  AFreeSpirit

  To VampireDCLXV, Retrovirus and jwfacts ...Thank you to each of you for taking the time to write these explanations. They are all very helpful and I appreciate your responses very much.

  To jwfacts...My sincere condolences for the way you have been treated by family and friends... it's despicable and totally unjust. No doubt those who have shunned you will one day have to answer for the way they treated you, although I feel pity for them as they obviously know no better and are doing what they think is right because they allow the WT to define for them what is right and wrong. Funny enough, some of us are born/raised with a conscience rather than religion and manage to determine right from wrong by listening to our own hearts... mine tells me this practice of shunning/disfellowshipping is NOT right... not at all. May peace and love be with all of you!
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  jwfacts

  Thanks Afreespirit. One day I expect some of my family to leave, and they will come to me first wanting my association, since no one else in their lives will be allowed to talk to them. It will be a bitter sweet experience.
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  slimboyfat

  Thank you jwfacts for recommending the fade. Some people who are DFed can be bitter about people who manage to fade but not you.
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  factfinder

  I had not even heard of "fading" till I read it on jwn!

  I just slowed down over a number of years and then stopped going to meetings - it just happened naturally as I lost my desire and reason to go. Nothing was planned.
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  wobble

  To answer the posters question in a very literal way, I believe that to fade means to leave the cult that is the JW/WT organization, in the only way that you can, and keep your dignity and relationships in as good condition as is possible.

  DF or DA and you have to pretend, or you do in fact let them pretend, that their position and actions have some validity .
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  Mr. Falcon

  yeah, Vamp & JWfacts summed it up pretty well. Think of it as a sort of "Witness Protection Program" for inactive JWs (no pun intended.)