Hollywood Squares

by peaceloveharmony 5 Replies latest social humour

  • peaceloveharmony
    peaceloveharmony

    he Original Hollywood Squares T.V. Show.

    These are from the days when game show responses were
    spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.

    Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should
    be at least how high?
    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...

    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you
    probably a man or a woman?
    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
    and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come
    out directly and ask him if he's married?
    A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
    get older?
    A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say
    "I love you"?
    A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple
    and a twenty.

    Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get Enough"?
    A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the
    next apartment.

    Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less
    with your hands while you are talking?
    A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question,
    Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!

    Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are
    you going to get any during your first year?
    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy
    growing strawberries!

    Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
    nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or
    in the closet?
    A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe
    in the bedroom.

    Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag
    his tail. What will a goose do?
    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

    Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you
    give birth to?
    A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid
    of the dark.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong
    with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
    A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

    Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to have more
    than one daddy?
    A: Paul Lynde: Why, that bitch!

    Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting
    "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
    A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

    Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body
    - what is it?
    A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't
    neglected!

    Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than
    150 pounds?
    A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

    Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
    horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters
    star in the movie "What's The Matter With Helen?"
    Who plays Helen?
    A: Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked
    the question.

    Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your
    wife or your elephant?
    A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for
    it's sex?
    A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up
    to him.

    Q: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when he
    was forty-one years old. Now he says it was "one of
    the best things I ever did." What was it?
    A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.

    Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes
    in them and has actually seen them on at least two
    occasions. What are they?
    A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q: Do female frogs croak?
    A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
    long enough.

    Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb, can
    you detect light?
    A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

  • Celia
    Celia

    PLH,
    good ones !

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    roflmto
    nelly

  • safe4kids
    safe4kids

    (((Harmony))),

    Thanks for the laughs! Paul Lynde was one of my favorite comedians. I remember watching him on the Donny and Marie show. Say, in our feminist society today, do ya think that would now be called the Marie and Donny show?

    Dana

  • ChuckD
    ChuckD

    I received a subset of that list a few days ago from a friend. They are very funny indeed.

    The only thing is, they were hardly ad-libed. All of the celebs on that show received their questions beforehand, and they were all very carefully written to serve as setups for their responses. It didn't affect the outcome of the show since the players were not involved, but it was far more scripted than people realize.

  • gilwarrior
    gilwarrior

    Harmony, you are too funny!

    "I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

    William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

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