best(?) friend's wedding: no invitation for me...

by J. Hofer 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  J. Hofer

  one of my (former?) best friends is marrying, he already gave out wedding invitations, several of his "worldly" work mates are invited. me and a friend of mine are not invited, because of supposedly being "marked" (didn't even know about that) and inactive. the funny part is that the bride's parents are "marked" and inactive too.

  but then i attended weddings where even the groom's brother didn't show up to not lose his "privilege" of ministerial servant...

  the other one who isn't invited says he doesn't care, as he knew it'll go that way. but i feel kinda pissed. he's such a loser, half wanting to be cool and do everything "worldly" possible, even smokes a few cigars sometimes, and on the other hand he backs off when an elder comes around. but thinking about it, i'd hate to be there anyway. partying with the elders? no way!
• 

  OneDayillBeFree

  Oh man don't worry you won't be missing out on much if you don't go! Trust me. Having to watch your back and how you dance and how you eat and what to say cause of the elder's watching your every move,(and more you since you are "marked") is just not worth it. Just last week on Saturday I went to a JW Wedding becuase my "friend" got married. It was horrible. It was literally so bad that I left right after the food was served (which was also bad). He was in my hall untill he got reprooved and actually moved to the neighboring congregation. He is also one of those guys trying so hard to look good and spiritual in front of elders and CO's, DO's, etc. and at the same time trying to fit in with the "worldly" crowd. Its repulsive really. Those people are not real friends. In a way they never really were. And whats worse for you is that the reason for not inviting you is because you're inactive. Man that is so stupid in my opinion but whatever it happens. Anyway, don't let it get to you man, these kinds of wedding's usually suck anyway. You should throw a party of your own and invite as much people as you can, and then not invite them... I don't know... but revenge, when well planned is quite exquisite!
• 

  Broken Promises

  Looks like he's not your "best" friend anymore....

  Look at it this way, at least you don't have to buy him a present. And as OneDay says, you don't have to put up with a roomful of JWs.
• 

  wobble

  I empathise with your feelings on this J.H, my great niece gets married in a few days time, big JW do, we have not received an invite.

  We would not have gone anyway, apart from never having liked weddings ,we would not want to be there to be snubbed by some, as we would be.

  It would have been nice to have had the chance to decline the invite though.

  The funny thing is, if we had never been JW's we would have been invited I am sure, but as we are inactive faders, known to be anti-WT, we will not get an invite.

  If the boot had been on the other foot, would I have invited my nephew and his wife to say, my son's wedding, if I was an active appointed-man Witness, and they were like I am now, as to belief ?

  I like to think I would have.
• 

  Scully

  The Elders™ can definitely influence who gets invited to a couples' wedding and who doesn't get invited. And it all depends on level of Privileges™ and whether the Elders™ expect you to suck up to them, or if they are trying to suck up to recent converts and their families.

  When Mr Scully and I got married, I wasn't allowed to have my best friend (grew up as a 3rd generation JW, but wasn't Baptized™) as my maid of honour - I had to pick someone In Good Standing™ (in other words, Baptized™ and Active™) if we wanted to use the Kingdom Hall™ for our wedding. She could be a guest, but not included in the wedding party. People in my home congregation were so offended, that most of them didn't come to the wedding.

  Six months later, Mr Scully's brother gets married at the same Kingdom Hall. His bride is a newly Baptized™ convert to the JWs. She was a Bible Study™ of the marriage officiant's daughter (the same officiant we had for our wedding). The bride gets to have her never-a-JW sister - who hated JWs but loves her sister - as her maid of honour.

  The hypocrisy still pisses me off, almost 30 years later.
• 

  Finally-Free

  Consider this an opportunity to:

  1. Go somewhere else where there are no JWs and you can actually have a good time.
  2. Save money on a gift. Buy yourself a gift instead.
  3. Remove the excess baggage from your life. You may now consider this "friend" excess baggage. If he's ever stupid enough to call, you can have the enjoyment of telling him so.

  W
• 

  J. Hofer

  cheers all. well, he calls me time and again if i want to go drink a beer with him, but since i know that he's not man enough to do his own thing instead of bowing to the elders, i always told him that i'm busy. it's not like he has any "privileges", he's never gonna be MS or something. you can actually have a good time with him and recently i did go out with him and some of his work mates, he got really drunk and didn't stop hugging me and telling me he loves me and stuff... well, i payed his drinks, as he lost his wallet... omg.

  i've been out long enough to not be disturbed in my day to day life by all this, but when i think about it i'm really angry. i wouldn't like to be there, ok, but he could have at least invited me. on of my other best friends seems to be "directing" the party, whatever that means. that ones wedding i did attend. and he already told me he doesn't care if i'm disfellowshipped or whatever, he'll always treat me the same.
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  nugget

  It is hard half of you doesn't want to go and the other half wants to be invited and have the choice not to go. Weddings are such public events and elders wade in with rules and regulations using them as a stick to beat people with. Only JWs could turn such a happy occasion into a trial.