What Could Have Been

by mikepence 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • mikepence
    mikepence

    Sometimes, I try to be sad.

    As the sun sets low, turning the rugged hills of Arizona into soft, purple, fuzzy-looking rumpled cones, dappled in the red-orange reflections of failing sunlight, I stand upon a hill. I try to reflect on What Could Have Been.

    I could have been part of a family that was close -- a family that hugged, laughed and cried together, always. A family that strove not to take everything personally, but to see that even our attacks, especially our attacks, are projections of our own insecurities. I could have been part of a family that was so strong that even momentous change, like changing your religion, would have been no threat to the unity of the family, the love of the family. I could have been part of a family that understood that we are not our actions, that we are all lovable, that we are all innocent children who need love, especially when we act in ways that are unloving toward each other.

    I could have been part of a family where everyone strove to trust, all the time, that they are loved.

    But, What Could Have Been, never was. My parents sit in their Florida home, no doubt considering my disassociation some kind of personal attack, or betrayal -- if they think of me, their grandchildren, their daughter-in-law, at all. No, they are not even able to get beyond their own ailments and disallusionment long enough to trust that it had nothing to do with them. That they are loved.

    I turn from the sun, from the majesty of the hills, the sparse beauty of the desert, and I look down upon our home, my wife and children.

    Then I realize, that there, What Could Have Been...is.

    Peace and love to you all,
    Mike Pence

  • Frenchy
    Frenchy

    Hello, mike.
    We do what we can, what we feel we must. In the end we're judged by those who have no idea of what we have been through for the choices we make. I suppose it makes them feel good to presume to know what is best for others when they are so lost when it comes to their own lives. Live long and prosper.

  • WindRider
    WindRider

    Mike, I empathize with your sadness at not getting the understanding or at least acceptance from your parents that you should. I am however, very happy for you that you have been able to nuture that sort of family you long for with your wife and children.

    BTW, you have a wonderful, descriptive writing style. Also, what part of Arizona are you from? I've been there a few times and fell in love with Tuscon. Such quiet, majestic beauty.

    Sincerely, Windrider

  • Marilyn
    Marilyn

    Mike, even non dub families have their problems. Although I am shunned by my siblings I tend to think that we wouldn't have got on that well any way. One of my brothers married a woman that is twisted and my sister married an asshole. They are dubs but this could have happened in the real world too. Even if I'd stayed a dub, I would never have liked two of my siblings partners. Almost a relief not to have to associate with them. :-) At least this way I get to choose my company.

    Also I learned the lesson of your post many, many years ago. Someone pointed out that I have a lovely husband and two great kids. On the scheme of things that's not too bad.

    Marilyn

  • orangefatcat
    orangefatcat

    What could have been is a sobering reminder of what has happened to many of us, you expressed yourself eloquantly and with much sincerity. I feel your emotions in between your lines. Its too bad your family does'nt know what they are missing. You sound like a person who has come to accept the inevitable. Your strengths can be now directed to achieve the oneness of your own little family. I truly wish you all the best and an inner peace that no one can rob from you. It is sad that families fail to see that the only thing that has changed is our former religion, we still remain the person that we have always been. God help us all for who we are and not what others want us to be or become. We are all free of the burdens heaped upon us buy a religion that has stagnated us into being robots and now we are liberated from a suppression that has cost many of us greatly. As you gaze and remenice of life over the beauty of Gods creations may you derive tranquility in your own heart. My deepest thoughts are with and your own wonderful little family. God Bless.

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    mikepence-

    You very eloquently stated what many of us feel..

    I am very happy for you that you have a lovely wife and children..

    {{hugs}}

    Tina

  • Naeblis
    Naeblis

    This reminds me. I need to get the new NIN live cd.

  • DIM
    DIM
    This reminds me. I need to get the new NIN live cd.

    make sure to get the 2 cd version. the bonus cd, Still (can you tell Trent is a Joy Division fan?), is one of the best things he's ever done.

  • lauralisa
    lauralisa

    Mike,

    Arizona... the healing land.

    You - just keep rockin in the free world.

    Shedding a tear for you,

    lauralisa.

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