"I lament this hog-like visage....
When I gaze into the looking glass, I am confronted with deep remorse and crushed dreams that chase off the happy remembrances of yester-year. Here grows the unsatiable nothingness which I embrace, as one clasps tight to the edge of a precipice. Fatness sticks not but to the flesh but to one's own soul. When will this thick hide cease to blanket the trim man who dwells beneath? Oh, deliver me from these tasty confections! Alas!"
~ Mr. Falcon from "Conversations With My Bathroom Scale"