Does anybody ever "depend" on you?

by Knowsnothing 2 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Knowsnothing

  A heavy burden. That's the best way to describe it. A person that constantly needs you there. Hopes you are there to lift them up.

  It's not necessarily a bad thing. However, my case sucks.

  My mother is a JW without iniciative. Always needs encouragement and has to be pushed. And so am I. The only difference is I don't want to do this, period. Yet, she depends on me. And I hate seeing her down. So I step up.

  But, guess what? Stepping up just hurts me even more. It just inbeds me further into this damn religion. It forces me to be someone I'm not.

  Here's the really weird part. The WTF part. I don't believe this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. But, the more I push away, the more I go in!

  Here's some examples. I help her conduct a study. I even expressed my doubts to the study on a couple of occasions(seperately, w/out my mom). The study is an older woman. But, ironically, that back-fired on me. I guess to her,(study) it just made me look like a real person. And she is ignorant about the reality of being in the religion, I believe.

  So, she ended up becoming closer to us, and by extension to the religion. I did tell her, however, to never get baptised. That she can enjoy the benefits of us caring for her, as long as she "indefinitely" studies. Ironically, she continues to make "progress".

  Another area where I shoot myself in the foot is by helping my mother give the study. This is another part where she greatly "depends" on me, or any capacitated sister. Here, I try to do the minimal, but little things that they comment like "hey, you don't seem yourself today", or just the horrible explanations my mother gives at times actually make me "step up".

  It's ridiculous, I know. I even find myself getting immersed in it as I go along, and for a moment, I believe it again. But, I read something like "the true religion teaches..." and the illusion is gone. And yet, I keep going.

  The second example is my having recently given a part. I did the following things: 1.) procrastinated 'till the very last minute, dreading having to do it, 2.) ended up trying to give my personal feelings on it(it was about the Jews needing to believe in Jesus to gain salvation) and I spoke a great deal about Jesus, and nothing on Jehovah and 3.) didn't give a crap what people thought.

  When I did these things, I actually succeeded in the opposite! The congregation liked my talk!

  I know I digressed from the main topic big time, but ultimately these things have come as a direct result of mom "depending" on me for spiritual support. Which, to be honest, I don't even believe is spiritual support. I don't talk about the deep things with her. I just try to go through the motions. But, somehow, I manage to get sucked into it all.

  I wish I could just throw it all away. I really, really would.

  Does/did anyone "depend" on you, in a similar fashion? How do you "cut them off"?
• 

  MrFreeze

  You are right, it can sometimes be a good thing, but in your case it is nothing more than a heavy burden. As regards myself, I don't feel as if anyone depends on me. If I were to move away never to be seen where I am at now again, I doubt anybody would find it difficult to get along. My ex just moved away. She said "I dont know what Im going to do without you". But it seems like she is getting along quite fine without me.
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  WTWizard

  Sometimes people are too lazy to break this kind of dependency. You make the decisions, and they follow. Usually, the person that is dependent on you is the one that is going to get hurt the most, no matter what. Since you cannot possibly make perfect decisions for anyone else (and there is always the risk that you will, without meaning to, make a self-serving decision), being dependent on others to make your decisions is always detrimental.

  The exception is if a person is so mentally retarded that they simply cannot make their own decisions. In that case, and if they are your children, you are morally obligated to do your best to make decisions that are going to be for their best interests. You are not morally obligated to take care of other people's children or your parents, though you may volitionally take on such responsibility. However, to the extent that they are capable of thinking for themselves, this should be encouraged or they will always be held back to a degree.

  However, this does not apply to animals. Animals are not capable of making their own decisions and depend wholly on you to care for them. In the wild, their instincts would be their guidance. However, in domestic situations, their caregivers are the replacements for such instincts.