For Singles - Would You Date/Marry Another ExJW?

by Broken Promises 8 Replies latest social relationships

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  Broken Promises

  Do you consider being an exJW a hindrance to dating? For example, Do you find it difficult to bring up in conversation, lest you get stared at as if you have 2 heads or something? Or you might find it difficult to explain why you've had little sexual experience in the past?

  Do you have issues that you think only another exJW would understand? Such as perhaps the lack of family members in your life, or why you feel awkward at birthday parties? Someone who would understand why you feel like an alien or outsider?

  Or do you think it would be better to date someone who had never been a JW? Someone who can show you what normal life should be, without all the hangups us exJWs tend to have?

  My experience: I really don't know. I have dated both exJWs and neverbeenJWs in the past, and there's advantages and disadvantages to both. Sometimes I think it's better to be with a never-been, cos at least they might have a normal family life! But then, would they understand why you never pursued an education or a good career?

  At the moment my dating life is zero. While it's good to have a break, it'd be nice to know there's someone who cares. Hopefully someday...
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  thetrueone

  Really depends on how they have their head screwed on, many recent ex-jws are still suffering from Watchtower withdrawal.

  People who were never JWs are still deemed to be immorally corrupt / wicked ....etc.

  Hence it bares caution to create a relationship with people who haven't come to their own mind and intellect.

  It takes a few years for the Watchtower Corporation to ween itself out and create some normalcy to individuals.
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  freedomisntfree

  Ive considered dating other ex JW 's cuz it does seem like there is things only they would understand, But I like the normalacy of dating people with no particular religious background. and being around their famalies. I would rather have relationships free of that particular drama.I still struggle with feeling that no- one will ever stay with me or marry me becuase of the complications of witness life and my family.
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  Dune

  I think my fading JW skittishness ruined a relationship, in hindsight, that was not a good time to be pursuing a relationship. It's kind of distracting to go out on dates with someone who is constantly looking over their shoulders and is reluctant to do anything for fear of being seen, lol.

  Once you're out of the fear stage I don't see the particular advantage of dating an ExJW other than having someone to talk to who went through what you did, but that's what JWN is for :-).

  At the end of the day, I consider myself one of the lucky exJW's because I left without any particularly heavy baggage.
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  talesin

  It would be the same as anyone ... if they have unresolved issues, and are not 'working' on them, NOT interested. If they have worked through their major difficulties, then sure.

  I have found that my 'worldly' friends, including my ex, have been very understanding of how being born-in, abused, and shunned all my life has affected me. Over time, as they get to know me, they begin to 'get' it. I'm also pretty much over the religion (the shunning is still problematic for me), and they are quite horrified by the fact that this 'nice, normal' person has been treated like a criminal.

  tal
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  talesin

  funny, I can read the replies,,, are there some missing?
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  serenitynow!

  I am dating an exJW. It's going well.

  Someone who can show you what normal life should be, without all the hangups us exJWs tend to have?

  We're working through it together. It's a process.

  I think that the biggest concern is that the person is really mentally out. It would suck to get involved with an exJW, and then they go back to the vomit.
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  free @ last

  I second that Serenity; It would have to be an ex-JW who was equally commited to being out as I am.... but how does a person test for that? Is there some equivalent to dedication and baptism into apostasy?
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  Bucholz

  I've thought about this and I think the only kind of people that would understand what I've been through is another ex-JW, there would be a lot of things in common. I kinda only picture myself spending the rest of my life with an ex-JW woman.