Depression and Reinstatement efforts

by AuntBee 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  AuntBee

  Long story, but i was talking online with someone who has been DFed for a long time, encouraging her to join a support group. -- THe person has been trying to get reinstated for YEARS. Described how she has felt UNWELCOME and UNSUPPORTED and is DEPRESSED. She is always told she is not doing enough "works of repentence." After sharing these things, she stated.... i want to come back!

  I don't really get it, if it is indeed just a publishing company, what's the deal with making reinstatement so impossible? Don't they want to increase their numbers, mag distribution, etc.?

  I asked her to notice in the Gospels how Jesus treated repentent sinners. Did He forgive their sins right on the spot and show great compassion, or did He make them jump through hoops for years to prove their sincerity? I asked her if in her heart of hearts she really believes this type of thing is Biblical or Christ-like at all?

  It struck me so much like codependency in a bad relationship, so sad.
• 

  NewChapter

  I knew someone who had never been in trouble before and got DF'd. She jumped through hoops for SIX years---first time offense. Every single meeting. These humble servants of Jehovah really like their power. I wonder if she did something to piss off an elder or a popular brother.

  I feel bad that she's depressed. I know what it's like to still be captive to the concept and yet not part of the congregation. Every day is fear and worry. It's nearly impossible to deal with, but if she still believes. . . then this is very sad for her. I hope you can help open her eyes--but I know we usually open our eyes with no help at at..

  NC
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  truthseeker1969

  If she is repentant then there is nothing for her to worry about.

  I think it is sad that Elders weild power but in the end if your friend wants to go back then that is her right but she may like to pointedly tell them that

  1 they are not her salvation

  2 their opinion while it may be based on a written rule does not supercede that of God

  3 they will be held responsible before God for their willful spiritual neglect of her

  4 to point to one passage of scripture that gives them the right to withhold fellowship

  5 ask for another body of elders to hear her appeal this can be done through the branch office

  6 tell them that never would God ever hurt his sheep beyond what they can bear

  The list goes on.
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  blondie

  In the end, the elders have no power over life and death. If those seeking reinstatement are doing their best, they can believe that God sees what is in their hearts....Blondie before the exit.

  I knew of an elder's wife df'd for adultery; he was removed because he had been warned that he was neglecting his wife (he was). She was not reinstated for 8 years because he was a bigwig in the circuit and district convention administration. I overhead 2 elders saying that if it was up to them she would never be reinstated. But neither she or her now ex-husband ever regained the status they had before.

  Remember David committed adultery and had the woman's husband put to death. No df'ing for him; according to the law he should have been put to death (no room for forgiveness there). No long period seeking reinstatement, no removal from his spiritual status as king.
• 

  StoneWall

  AuntBee said;

  I don't really get it, if it is indeed just a publishing company, what's the deal with making reinstatement so impossible? Don't they want to increase their numbers, mag distribution, etc.?

  Simple answer.
  To make an example of her, to teach her not to ever want to go against them again if she ever is re-instated. This also keeps others in the congregation in fear of crossing the ones in authority.

  They try to add weight to this with the scripture in Jude 22,23 [NWT] "Also, continue showing mercy to some that have doubts; save [them] by snatching [them] out of the fire. But continue showing mercy to others, doing so with fear, while YOU hate even the inner garment that has been stained by the flesh."

  Now contrast that scripture in Jude with this one in 1 John 4:18 [NWT]" There is no fear in love, but perfect love throws fear outside, because fear exercises a restraint. Indeed, he that is under fear has not been made perfect in love.

  Kinda reminds me of this small clip where he says " I'm a cop and you will respect my Authoritah" (Authority)

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hkcZilKChI&feature=related
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  outsmartthesystem

  I've been a part of 4 different congregations in my life. My honest belief is that the majority of the elders do try to help "erring" ones....but their allegience is without a doubt to the GB. They don't even see it. With all 4 congs.....I've seen dozens of people get the boot. Some are reinstated after 6 months. Some after 2 years. Some never. It all comes down to "heart condition". Basically the elders sit down with you. If you sob to them that you made a serious error and you agree that you should have been DF'd and you wished you had heeded the counsel provided by the governing body....and you promise to do so from now on.....reiterate that the GB gives us food at the proper time and the elders are there for our protection....blah blah blah.......then you can be reinstated much quicker. But if they sense that you have any hard feelings....don't quite believe the latest change in teaching......if you dared show up at a meeting without your Watchtower properly hi-lited....basically if you don't tow the line of Watchtower repentance perfectly....then they will sense that your "heart condition" isn't right and they will make you wait. If you have a problem with a teaching....they will wait until you tell them that you now accept that teaching. If you harbored resentment then they will wait until you admit that you were wrong for harboring resentment since the decision to disfellowship....by extension...actually came from Jehovah. If you show up to meetings with an un-hi lited magazine then obviously you aren't appreciating the wonderful spiritual banquet provided by the FDS.

  Basically I think that unless you screwed over a very important person....as long as you play the reinstatement game by their rules and do and say what they expect you to do and say....you shouldn't have many problems.

  Lovely, no?
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  NewChapter

  No. That person that I knew who was out for 6 years did EVERYTHING. She changed congregations too! And all of the elders at her new congregation (different state), who knew her for years, wanted her reinstated. The old elders had to make the decision, but they weren't there to observe her progress. It got to the point where the current elders were very baffled. They even wrote a letter to see if the matter was being handled properly. Afterall, they had seen her at every meeting for 5 years---what was the problem? She was never in trouble before. The person who she wronged had even gone to the old elders to say he had moved on with his life and please don't hold a grudge on his behalf. It's not balanced like that. I also saw a brother who was on his 3rd DF, and he was reinstated in a year, EVEN THOUGH he openly questioned the society and expressed doubts. He was a brother though. Maybe that is the difference.

  NC
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  blondie

  Listen I saw a brother who was df'd reinstated in 8 months, and he was a pedophile. But the elders had invested in his business which was tanking while he was df'd. Maybe she should have offered money.
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  Hoffnung

  Recommend her Steven Hassan's books "Combatting cult mind control" & "releasing the bonds" (in that order), and she will understand what kind of fear she is dealing with.
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  AuntBee

  Thanks all for the helpful comments and information! That definitely answered my question StoneWall.

  cheers, auntbee