The victim

gravedancer

Granted, many/most of the participants on this board have been wronged by Jehovah’s Witnesses (either by elders, the governing body, the policies or the unnatural discipline). Many have also been wronged by their government, their parents, their peers and their relatives. We are all victims. That is a fact. Let’s accept it.

I have a favorite saying “ask the next question”. So let’s do that. The next question: What are you going to do about it?

How do we overcome the “victim mentality”?

The first step is the realization that you determine the value of your own experience. You also control some of the content. Nobody else can tell you how much certain things mean to you. You are the only one who is having the life experience you are now living, and you are better off appreciating your life's value, if you can find value in your life events, even if others believe you are wasting your time. You are as real and authentic as any of the folks who would say otherwise, and you have a right to be your own person. Loving yourself better may very well require that you believe in yourself more fully. Are you prepared to do this, or do you think that to do so would be pretentious? Would it be better if everyone thought you were worthy and capable, but you? And what about the change; do we really want to make changes in our lifestyle, in order to get to a place where we enjoy life more overall?

The “victim mentality”: if things are going wrong, or badly, or not to my liking, then someone is to blame. It is necessary to identify the person(s), circumstance(s), or source(s) of why things are not as I think they should be. Blame must be determined and accepted by the wrongdoer, and things must be made right. I am justified in being emotionally upset. Neither growth nor learning result from the bad things that happen to me.

The person who defeats the victim mentality: I completely and wholly accept that everything that has ever happened to me, that is presently happening to me, and that will happen to me in the future provides me with opportunities for learning and growth; and that no one else can be rightly blamed for any negativity, hurts, or abuses which my emotional nature experiences. I shall seek no exceptions to this belief, even when the apparent cause is not of my making.

The irony of overcoming a “victim mentality” is that victory has to start in one's mind -- the very place the person is struggling. The person has to see (him or herself) in a different light, and above all want to change their situation. Overcoming any type of hardship is never an easy thing to do, however, there are some people who are more persistent and determined to make the necessary changes to break free from that victim mentality

Sadly, most will never overcome it and will live out the rest of their days believing they had no control of their own destiny.

rekless

Sadly, most will never overcome it and will live out the rest of their days believing they had no control of their own destiny.

I beleive this board is like a pyschologist or a study in critical thinking...

We were victims to a degree that we victimized ourselves by accepting in good faith that the organization that we put our faith was truly from God.

While in the org. we truly had no control on our destiny because we were trying to build a relationship with God as we were suppose to do.

We took our destiny on our shoulders when we began to use our mind to become free thinkers and found that we were a part of a great fruad.

The rest of our lives will be trying to gain what we put on hold for a dream, a nightmare as we know it is today.

Vitems grow by realizing we no longer are vicems but ?servivours? of the very thing we put our love and faith in.

We will forgive but we will never forget the endoctrination into this organization, and by not forgetting we will never be taken for another ride into a fantacy world.

Celtic

I had a feeling you were going to post about this Gravedancer from your escapades in Chat earlier.

The point you didn't get my friend, is this. That there was no talk of victimisation then, you missed the point entirely, through not listening to what was really being said. Sad but true. Now, I'm not attacking you, just letting you know.

The other point is that what you say above is true, of course it is, however, sometimes, individuals do not have the internal strength to just keep going. This does not mean that they see themselves solely with a negative image, sometimes you got to learn to know when and how to relax a situation, to allow a person to be. It had nothing to do with victimisation in the slightest.

Perhaps this might help you next time before delving in head first to a subject matter which to one poster here was very sensitive material.

I hope you take the advice you are giving out, just as I too have to dole out to myself, that teaching that I share with others in recovery.

Look after yourself.

Mark

Doc_jedd

Life can be alot of fun ...If ya dont get overly sad about it..........Jedd

gravedancer

Celtic,

I am not attacking you either. However, when someone is sitting feeling as though they have no answers and are anxious/depressed they are victims of their own state of mind - the worst kind of victim there is.

In saying that I am not condemning them or being insensitive - but trying to point out the reality of the situation. when we are in that state (and most of us get to be in that state at some point) we cannot see for ourselves. Yes, I probably would have felt as though someone saying what I had to say was "insensitive" too when I was in that state.

"Just providing a hearing ear" or "a shoulder to cry on" furthers the victim mentality because it legitimizes it in the mind of the victim. By being the sob-rag you are in effect allowing the victim to say to themselves: "others see me for the victim too and they agree I am one and they are confirming that my life is worthless".

What alternative do you have to offer?

Celtic

"The worst kind of Victim there is"

Ummmmm what a strange comment on your behalf. No, in fact I entirely disagree with you. In some cases of psychiatry, one thing that you get to learn is this and what it comes down to is responsibility, but this has to be at a time when the 'patient' feels ready to accept that responsibility for there own actions. In your reasoning on this matter you are making the assumption that your model of 'victim' is the only one, when in fact, this can hardly be the case in every scenario. Of course, it has its place, but your lack of appreciation for the timing of this course of action still needs some tweaking on your own behalf. No offense mean't to you at all, it is just a case of being more sensitive with the approach, through empathy, listening to the other individuals needs, appropriate to the time scale within which that person is currently residing within, with their emotions. From this, one can then see whether there is a neurosis, or more seriously a character disorder at play, but better to be wise in determining this first without urging a 'patient' to make responsible moves when in fact they lack the internal strength to handle such at that time.

I hope this assists you.

Peace

Mark

gravedancer

Celtic,

I won't argue with you on the readiness of the victim...(although you are confusing psychiatry with psychology).

But I strongly believe that the worst stage of being a victim is when the victim thinks they are a helpless victim...what is so hard to understand? Try and simplify it and you will see it looking at you.

Celtic

As I said GD, it is you that in this case scenario was getting the wrong end of the wedge, never mind, I'm not about to enter a competition, enter into a war of words with you on who knows most about psychology, which is quite a pointless exercise, you go your way, I'll go mine, good luck!!

Take care and celebrate our unique differences, chink chink!!

All the best!!

Mark

nowaytess

It is one of the reason I started my club. As far as I saw most XJWS where whiners and Complainers. Many were into lifestyles and practices which Df was justified.

I understand my board is a Chrsitian Based Club which is described as a Conservative Chrsitian, mostly Born-Again. I try to focus of the victim and try move the person on to victory.

When look back at my JWS years there were a few things which happen out of my experices with teh Wt. Most decision were in my life were myne. My decsion were influnced by the beliefs of the JWS. I have to accept responsibilty for my life choices in or out of JWS.

The victim

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