New light/Tacking satire!!!

by VeniceIT 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    After reading Messengers post on new light I couldn't help but think up this scenario. You all know how obsessed I am with 'tacking' so give me a break K hahaha
    __________________________________

    "OK everyone listen up this is your captor uhhmm I mean Captain speaking. We have just been informed that we are approaching some 'NEW LIGHT' so please take your seats!!! Hold on because the waves are gonna get rough!! We'll be changing courses at a 90 degree angle shortly and you all know what that means, DUCK UNDER THE BEAM!!! Please put on your life jackets folks this one looks pretty rough! We don't want anyone to stumble and get knocked out of the boat (Borg) and fall into the Sea (of mankind)!"

    "Umm Captain if we just maintained our current course then we wouldn't have to worry would we????

    What's that you say???? MUTINY MUTINY THROW HIM OVERBOARD!!!!!"

    SPLASH!!!! This is your captoCaptan again folks please do not pay any heed to the evil person that went overboard a second ago. We have to do that to keep the boat on course, otherwise the whole ship could flip and we'd go down with him. Now I understand that he was the nicest person on board, good thing he wasn't rich or we'd have trouble paying our repairs. I know he had children and a wife, but those were are orders 'orders which must be obeyed. There will be no crying or further talk of his drowning or being thrown into the sea. 'Your eye must not feel sorry for him'. Now on your left side of the boat you will see the blue whale, one of Jehovah's most marvelous creations. The Blue well is known for....."

    alleged evil man in sea--GASP! blaaahhuuggghh GASP ohh no I'm drowning I'm drowning I can't take!!! AHAHHHHHHH "God why have you forsaken me" passes out unconscious (good thing he had his life jacket on already)Wakes up clining to a log and discovers the water temperature is Just right. And what do you know the waters not polluted once you get away from the boat, it's all the junk they throw overboard that makes it look that way, and the fact they keep telling you it is. WOW!!!! it's huge and beautiful, look at all the beautiful fish! What's that in the distance???? An Island ohhh could it be,nooo ohh yes it is it's the Island those apostates on JW.com bought, hmmm I must be near Panama. Well that should be skipper out there on the dock polishing that new yacht they got. I remember reading about that when my wife was at the meetings and I was feigning a headache ohhh thank goodness for that!!!! Ahh there's Wendy and the kids splashing in the Ocean, and ohhh do I smell a BBQ??? LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!!!! I'm FREEEEEE!!!!! I'm in the 'Aposta Sea' hahhahahahha ok that was really cheesy sorry hahahahhaha

    Ven
    PS No Apostates where hurt in the making of this!

    "Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

  • Mindchild
    Mindchild

    lol Venice... very funny but I had plans to have you polish my yacht

    Skipper

  • ofcmad
    ofcmad

    lol... kudos venice.

    "Noah was a drunk and look what he accomplished." The Metatron/ Dogma
  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    hmmmmmm Skipper we have to re negotiate that!!!

    Ven

    "Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

  • mommy
    mommy

    HAHAHA too funny. I loved it! How funny that is so closely resembles what people feel when they leave though. Life is not that bad off the boat, it is actually so much nicer.
    wendy

    When I leave, you will know I have been here

  • Perry
    Perry

    Perry hands Venice a fresh bowl of pasta "sea" upon reaching shore.

  • slipnslidemaster
    slipnslidemaster

    I didn't hear a word you wrote. I was just too dazzled by your beauty.

    Slipnslidemaster:"Baywatch has enriched and, in many cases, helped save lives. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has has such a significance for so many."
    - David Hasselhoff

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit

    Overheard at Brooklyn Bethel:

    "Damnit! Her illustrations are better than ours. Who the hell let women into the ministry school?"

    "Not sure Brother Jaracz."

    "You despicable fools! Find her and bring her to me! And you over there! What's going on?"

    "Rodney's trying to kick me off the Bethel computer Brother Jaracz!"

    "Yeah well just coz you're a fourth generation witness, Nehemiah, doesn't mean you get to look at the Venice Cam all day!"

    "Aaargh you pathetic fools! Drunk with the charms of a buxom apostate. Look at her: the face of an angel, but aah, her thoughts are as sharp as the tines on Satan's pitchfork! Milton, what do you think?"

    "I think I haven't felt a stirring in my loins like this since my seventies, Ted."

    "Aaaaaarrrrrrggghhhh........"

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    BWWWAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA ohhh that was too funny!!!!!!

    Your killing there EX ahahhaha [:|] I wonder if we will hear that illustration somewhere now?????

    Ven

    "Injustice will continue until those who are not affected by it are as outraged as those who are."

  • mommy
    mommy

    LOL Expat that is too funny! I love it

    Vennie I haven't seen the cam in awhile! You really should stop working so much. And I need to get rid of the kids, we can go back to how it used to be Oh okay I guess I am just saying that I miss ya. Probably should have just said that! Chat with you soon
    wendy

    When I leave, you will know I have been here

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