Do shepherding calls help? my experience

nightwing02

First i must start off by saying my wife and i have not attended meetings in awhile,so i knew that was the main point of the visit.when the two elders arrived at my home they were both happy and smiling.i told them how i was deeply depressed over the death of my best friend,and granfather,and the guilt i felt of not visiting and calling them much.i talked to my best friend a day before he died he seemed fine,but the next day he died of a heart attack.i also told them how i had become istant from my wife.they asked if i told hyer i loved her everyday and i replied no.and 1 of the elders said well remember what happened with your best friend,the same can happen with your wife,i felt that was a cold statement.but basically what they told us go to the meetings,and go out in field service 1 brother i felt did have some kind of compassion,the other who came in smiling looked like he was disgusted with me.i dont know i feel just as empty before they came i think i will see a therapist.

Amazing

Hi Night: Good questions, good points. The whole concept of shepherding as JWs know it and apply it is contrary to anything the Bible teaches. The JW system of shepherding is often a useless program. It does some good at some times only by chance. Most of it is simply designed to keep the "Sheep" marching no matter how much their feet ache.

DB

Having served as an elder, I can say that often times, shepherding calls do not help in many instances. The person being called on is often made to feel that the problem, whatever it might be, is of his/her own making. Certainly, according to the elders, the toll of trying to keep up with being an active jw could never be the problem.

I have personally found that trying to keep up with all that the 'slave class' and the elders keep telling us to do, field service, meetings, family study, personal study, meeting preparation, bible reading, preparing for field service, and so on just takes the wind out of one's sails very quickly. And yet, when the elders come and call, they almost always tell you that you need more activity, that somehow doing more is going to solve your problems. But they seldom are skilled enough to get at the real heart of the problems.

When I went on such calls, I can honestly say that I had mostly no clue as to how to really help people solve their troubles...so it was always the same mantra...more, more, more - do more, and your problems will be solved.

dmouse

First of all, welcome to the board nightwing02.

So, going to the meetings and on field service will help will it?

They always have the same solution to all problems, no matter how complex. Depressed? How about going to the meetings? Suicidal? Go on the service. Can't sleep? study more. Having doubts? do all three in heavy doses. Problems with your marriage? go to the meetings. Neighbours playing you up? go to the meetings. Can't get a job? go to the meetings. Children disrespectful? take them to the meetings. Illness getting on top of you? go to the meetings.

Meetings, field service and study - Doctor Witchtower's cure all for all ailments.

If you feel you need a professional then go for it.

RunningMan

Over the years, I have been on both ends of shepherding calls.

As near as I can tell, the purpose of the call is to administer a dose of fear and guilt in the hopes that it will motivate the target. A secondary purpose is to strike another name off the list (at one time, our congregation had a schedule of shepherding calls, ensuring that everyone got a visit at least every two years. They have since given that up.)

My worst experience was when the world's most anal elder (who also happens to be married to my cousin) told me that I was murdering my children. He came very close to being physically assaulted that day.

Mister Biggs

Welcome, nightwing02.

They may have said it without tact, but they are right about one thing. You really should tell your loved ones how much you love and care about them because you never know what tomorrow may bring. I, too, lost a dear friend to a heart attack...she died at the young age of 18! If you know you love someone and they die, that's one thing. But, if you tell someone that you love them and soon thereafter they die, you will find some peace of mind. Don't be hesitant to share your feelings with your wife.

LittleToe

Regarding Shepherding (ha) visits, IMHO the time would have been better spent in five minute bursts actually talking to publishers in the hall (not that I want to give the GB any ideas!). Wouldn't that be a novel idea? A whole five minutes of quality time, instead of "Hi...Bye!".

The program usually resulted in beration or sycophantic back slapping.
But whilst they are happy to waste their time in this manner, rather than gaining new converts, I guess it will continue to erode the elders abilities on the ministry.
To be frank, I prefered informal time with the friends, rather than the orchestrated malarky of "official" visits.

That brings me to another thought - did any of you count your time during shepherding visits?
I never did, and was retiscent to ask about it, having scoured the literature for an answer.
Due to the high number of shepherding visits by pioneer elders, I suspect that others did.
Fortunately I had long stopped pioneering, with it's time mentality, before I became an elder.

Lari

Nightwing, welcome to the board. I haven't been here very long but I love it.
JW Shepherding calls, hmmm. Brings to mind images of cattle prods more than Christ's gentle yoke. The elders themselves are only partly to blame. How can they be expected to do any real counseling when they are just Average Joes? The Society certainly doesn't spend any of it's resources teaching them how to be more compassionate.
Grieving is a complex process and everyone deals with it differently. Going to see a Licensed Counselor sounds like a great idea.
Feeling distant from your wife may be part of your grieving - again, a counselor can help you work through your feelings, without making demands that only drain you in the end. If the cost of a counselor is too much most metropolitan areas have crisis hotlines. Just talking to someone who doesn't judge you against the rigid WTS code might help.

Hope to see you here often.

Do shepherding calls help? my experience

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