"guided" divorces

by lecook 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  lecook

  please see the following story about the Hensley murder case. http://www2.bostonherald.com/news/local_regional/east02022002.htm

  DOes anyone know anymore about this kind of "guided" divorce? I have a friend who has been served with a restraining order using VERY similar phrasing. All of it severely exagerated or plainly false. Are the JW's pushing women to divorce non-JW husbands? Thankfully, my friend is handlnig the whole thing without being confrontational, but, of course, he's worried about the kids and losing the house and all of his assets going to the JW's. If this is a pattern, can it be proven? Coercing perjury? Think of all the ways the JW's can benefit from "spiritual enemy" husbands being cut out of the picture. Please come forward if you know anyone going through similar agony.
• 

  Gopher

  Well it seems that though the JW's pose as being friendly to families and marriages, it isn't always so. It seems that Mrs. Hensley's joining this unorthodox religion added to the strain that was already on their marriage.

  I can say that in my case the JW's didn't help. I was DF'd while my wife was still an active JW. I was prohibited from speaking to her about spiritual things, and also prohibited from talking to any of her/our friends who happened to visit us in my house. Long story short, our marriage soon withered on the vine, and now we've been separated well over one year. The elders in the congregation only seemed intent on blowing us apart. (She too became DF'd within a few months....) Disfellowshipping is an assault on the marriage arrangement.

  J.R.Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
  Mark Twain (1835-1910)
• 

  mommy

  ((((Gopher))))
  I miss you man! I have been so busy lately I haven't really had time to talk to everyone I want to. I sorry. I agree that the family unit is shittzles in the org. They make such a show of it being important, yet they do so much damage to it with all of their silly rules. Focus posted this article awhile back and I made a reply over there, too lazy to bring it here. lol Do a search for "Family life Jw style", or something like that for my thoughts on this particualr case. That is if you want in my brain haha.
  wendy
  EDITED to add link and comments on case.
  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=20898&site=3

  Now for my response on the original thread I am of the mindset that a person may commit a murder and never have a history of violence. Rage is a weird thing, and can overcome the best of us. You must take in all of the evidence and circumstances that are involved in this case. As Exjw's we know what most of thsoe circumstances were if his wife was becoming indoctrinated.

  She is no longer spending all of her evenings at home with her husband. She is spending more time away in field service. She is singling out the children for their family bible study, excluding him. Perhaps the children are going to her more now and seeing her as the head of the home. Perhaps the limited time he has to spend with his family is being robbed by the org and even their thoughts and actions have changed. Jokes she once would laugh at, are now met with a deadpan look or even worse a look of disgust. She is bubbling over with her enthusiam and he is feeling more and more alone. Everything he has worked for up until this point in time is changing and he is losing them. This poor guy is now living in the Twilight Zone!

  As Focus already posted there are documented places that the org has encouraged seperation of families. We know this to be a fact. They may make it sound good and upright but even as a child I could see it was another way of lieing and being decietful. I am so glad I no longer have to deal with that.

  My hope is for the children, that they are not pulled into the org because of this. I hope they can find a way to see all of the facts and make a decision that will encourage a happier life, not snuff it out. If only they know what we know...they would run very far away from it all.
  wendy

  When I leave, you will know I have been here
• 

  cellomould

  Hey Wendy,

  I know what you are talking about there. There is a subtle way to coerce people, even while telling them they are free to make their own choice.

  My ex told me that the elders never pressured her into calling off our wedding. pfffft! I am sure they guilted her hard core, and then 'lovingly' said, 'well it's your choice'.

  Well, I shouldn't have any hard feelings, as I had plenty of my own reasons to end the relationship. And I am glad I wasn't there to see it get messier after we would have been married.

  cellomould

  

  "In other words, your God is the warden of a prison where the only prisoner is your God." Jose Saramago, The Gospel According to Jesus Christ
• 

  DazedAndConfused

  A site that your friend might want to look at is:

  * http://www.macgregorministries.org/jw_lawyers.html

  It deals with the tactics used by JW's in divorce cases.
• 

  detective

  bttt.

  Is interference in the marriage arrangement really that common? I know of a couple of guys who behaved horribly towards the significant others because the significant others "threatened" the organizations authority over the relationship. Of course, those men voluntarily stepped up and behaved like idiots because their ladyfolk weren't going with the program.

  It wasn't directly organizational interference but it was a result of the organization. I guess I know it's true but it's still so hard to stomach.
• 

  plmkrzy

  I can only speak from personal expierences with relitives and friends. A very close friend of mine divorced her "Unbelieving" husband because, well because she wanted to. There were major problems with that marrage from the get go. But anyway I remember when the elders came to there home to council them they focused most of the attention on her. She should stop trying to force him to study towards baptizim and be more in subjection to him. They basicly told her she new what she was getting into when she married outside of her faith and she needed to be more willing to compramise. They actually took his side, but only because he was the husband I imagine.
  I have two other friends that I have known for several years who have husbands who want nothing to do with WTBTW at all. They are both pioneers and seem to do just fine. They have house rules that make life easier for both. They celebrate all the holidays full blown decorations the whole nine yards. During the hoildays they don't have book studies at there homes but they have met for field service when there were only a few.
  they have to have all of her JW associates out of the house by a certain time so they don't have to run into them or deal with them when they come home. Never on week-ends! There kids and hubbies go to the KH once a year for the memorial and leave right after and have for 20 and 30 years.

  They have a lot of respect for each other and appearently they are fortunate enough to have there marrage respected. It is SUPPOSE to be that way but obviously it isn't. I would suggest writing to the GB yourself and very calmly express your concerns especially if the elders in that congergation start causing problems. And be relentless about it. I've done that. You don't think something is right, write a letter to them and tell them and again and again if you need to. I might just do some good. You wont know until you try.
  plm