Thank you, Greybeard, for starting this thread because I believe it will help many of us. I can identify with your thoughts and pain as well as those designs and garyneal have shared here. I got baptized in 1976, was disfellowshipped in 2005, but did not turn my back on the religion until 2010. So for more than thirty years the religion was the center of my life. Realizing that it was all "a snare and a racket," to quote Joseph Rutherford, filled me with bitterness and anger for a while.
I have since come to realize that I had to separate the religion and the corporations that represent it from its adherents. I still love many of my former associates and want only the best for them. I have gone back to the words of our Lord who pointed to the example our Heavenly Father has set with giving good things to those who won't even acknowledge his existence. Yet the sun still shines and the rain still falls upon them, giving them life and many other good things.
Greybeard mentioned Nelson Mandela, a man who is certainly one of my heroes. I have gone to South Africa, and while I did not have the opportunity to visit Robben Island where he was incarcerated for eighteen years, I stood on the shore at Bloebergstrand and looked across the water at it. I have also met one of Mandela's fellow prisoners who shared some stories of what it was like to be held there. And I have watched the movie Invictus, a film that will always rank as one of my favorites because of the message of hope, love, forgiveness and reconciliation it gives to its viewers.
Two scenes from the film stand out for me. In one of them, the captain of South Africa's national rugby team, François Pineaar, takes his teammates to Robben Island to tour it. They see the tiny cell Mandela occupied, a space that was only two meters long and about a meter-and-a-half wide. In a subsequent scene, Pineaar reflects upon the visit and marvels that Mandela could emerge from twenty-seven years' imprisonment ready to forgive the people who had treated him so.
I realized that if I were to reclaim my life and move forward, I had to follow the teachings of Jesus, who commanded us to love our enemies, and the example of Nelson Mandela who took that command to heart and practiced it. I must find a way to forgive the WTS for its crimes against me. I must be ready to overlook the lost and wasted years spent chasing the mirages and phantoms it put before me. I must forgive the elders who disfellowshipped me and ordered the congregation to shun me afterwards. I must forgive the poor, deluded and misguided souls who followed those orders as well. Doing so will allow me to detoxify, to heal, and to move forward with my life. Doing so will also please both our Lord and his Father.
My friends, I don't pretend any of this is easy for me. There are times when I reflect upon my life as a Witness and the way it ended and I feel the hatred and bitterness welling up inside me again. I do not want to succumb to those feelings and turn into the kind of person the WTS lyingly tells its followers I am. I have more years behind me than ahead of me now, but I want my remaining years to be fruitful and positive. They will if I keep in mind the words of our Lord, the outstanding example of Nelson Mandela, and the way of life Jehovah wants me to have and lead. I wish the same for all of you.
Quendi
