Hi, Folks,
There is something that is, for me, sacred. That is the family relationship. Down over the years there has been absolutely nothing that would put me on the warpath quicker than for someone to mess with it. That went double for the elders and the Society. They mess with it and they are fair game, with no holds barred. They soon learned to leave well enough alone, for any time they didn't, they paid, big time. To an extent, it was fun for me, because I wasn't satisfied to merely embarrass the heck out of them, but it had to be in the most outrageous and brazen manner my fertile imagination could dream up. Many times I'd be giggling all the way through the planning stage! It's as I told anyone who asked, "If they won't respect me for being a fellow human being, they WILL respect me for other reasons!"
And the results have been good. While there are two daughters and their families (We have 5 daughters and a son) who won't talk to me, there is no doubt in anyone's minds as to where their hearts lie, and the family remains intact in spite of the fact that I've been DFed for some 25 years now. So I'm writing this for two reasons, the first of which is to encourage anyone who finds themselves in a similar position to counterattack with everything you have. Your most effective weapons are to make a laughingstock out of their assumed "authority", and a vivid imagination. For instance, sue them for impersonating human beings. The suit won't go anywhere, but the publicity will do the job that nothing else can.
The second reason is for "meangirl's" benefit. She was just thrilled about how I married my little freckle-faced girl when we were so young, so I'm posting this in her honor. Hehehehehe!!!
I wrote most of the rest of this almost a year ago. Our anniversary is in November, and 2010 was our 50 th . We had a ball, but things like these leave us with a lot of humility too, for who really can be worthy of all of this? Here is what happened:
Our whole family loves events like these, but with this being our 50 th , the plotting, planning, and secrets were everywhere and had been going on for years. For instance, one daughter had run across our old love letters and had them made into three hard bound volumes with the covers showing pictures of us when we were young.
On the 12th, I had given my wife a "gift certificate" for a free house-cleaning by Merry Maids. She was astonished, but that was nothing compared to what she was the next day when the "Merry Maid" showed up, all dressed in an apron and carrying a bucket and mop. Linda opened the door and there was her younger sister Glenda who she hadn't seen in some years, chanting a jingle and grinning at her. All she could do is hold onto the door frame, laughing and crying at the same time while we videotaped everything.
We had the main part of the party here at the house on Sunday, the 14th. First came a delicious potluck dinner. Then skits were put on with various grandkids assuming our roles during some of the more eventful episodes in our life and these progressed to our kids themselves taking over the roles in some of the more complicated events. Finally, our daughter Jeanne announced, "And now for Scene 9. The role of Tom will be played by Tom, and the role of Linda will be played by Linda."
I had some inkling this was coming, but it caught Linda totally by surprise. Nevertheless, we stood up in front of everyone. I looked at Linda, then expressed my deep respect for the vows that we had taken so many years ago. I went on to explain that I had never felt the need to renew them, for I tried to do that every day in one way or another. She was looking up into my face and said, "Oh, yes! Me too!"
I continued, "However, I am curious. Knowing what you know now, would you marry me again?"
She threw both hands in the air in a "of all the silly questions" gesture, so I pursued it a bit. "Does that mean yes?" I grinned.
"Of course I would!" She shot back.
"Even with these whiskers all over my ugly mug?" (I've been playing around with growing a beard the last 6 months.)
"Well!" She rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. "I'd have to think about that!"
"Then it's settled, and it's time to get down to business! Pony, would you volunteer to conduct the ceremony?" His answer in the affirmative was instantaneous.
"Who will volunteer to be the bride's maid?" Her sister Glenda's hand shot up.
"Who will walk her down the aisle?" Our son Zeke quickly claimed that spot.
"Who wants to help the bride get all fixed up real pretty?" Immediately there was a forest of daughters and granddaughters all waving their arms. (Two of them had taken Linda out shopping for dresses about a week before.)
"Daniel," (Judy's husband) "you are elected a committee of one to shave my whiskers off!"
You should have seen the look on Linda's face about this time. It was only beginning to dawn on her what was happening, and she was frozen in astonishment. I figured to remove all doubt by putting it straight to her. "Darlin', would you marry me again?"
There was about 5 seconds of electrified silence during which all she could do is look at me with two dark, wide, astonished eyes. Then the grandkids couldn't take it anymore and exploded in the chant, "SAY YES, NANA! SAY YES, NANA!"
Who could resist that? She said "YES!"
Now pandemonium broke loose. Some hustled Linda into the bedroom to gather necessary things, others started packing stuff into the cars in order to go down to Judy's dance studio where the ceremony and the rest of the festivities were to take place, and Daniel tackled my chin with a set of barber clippers.
Soon all the girls were gone, because they were going to use the dance studio's dressing room to get Linda ready. Now it was my turn, so I shaved off the stubble the clippers couldn't get and changed into a dark suit. I didn't have to hurry. Those girls were having the time of their lives getting their mother all fixed up!
Soon enough we all went down too, and even then we were there about 15 minutes before Linda was ready.
Pony did a beautiful job. We had talked a little in advance, covering mainly guidelines, which were very limited. I think we both felt the same way, in that it shouldn't be long, and it should be oriented to the family. I added that I would appreciate it if he could add as much of the Native American flavor to it as he would be comfortable with. He grinned from ear to ear and assured me that he would (and he did). He spoke for a few minutes, comparing a family to a mighty tree, then stopped and threw it open to anyone else who wanted to say something. Many did, although some had a hard time because they were too choked up. Then he finished his illustration, concluding with the observation that it would be appropriate for the groom to kiss the bride, which I did with great enthusiasm!
After the ceremony, it was time to open the presents, of which there was a huge pile of them on a table nearby. It was now that the three bound volumes of our love letters came to light. However, there was something else that happened that got us all laughing.
It has become a tradition down over the years for someone to give me a present of a large jar of green olives, because everyone knows that I love them. It wasn't long until I opened one, then another, then another, etc., etc. Before it was over I had 12 of them! I had whole green olives, pimento stuffed green olives, jalapeño stuffed green olives, and a couple of other varieties. The funniest part of this is that I'd just gone to a general practitioner a couple of weeks before, and he wants me on a low-salt diet! Dang!
The last gift was a gift certificate for an all expense paid stay at a resort up on the coast with some mad money thrown in for good measure. It was for 3 nights, in the honeymoon suite yet! On the first morning we were scheduled for an in-room massage to be followed up by a 3 course breakfast. I'm afraid old reprobates like me just ain't used to such goings on! The visit was to start on Wednesday, and we spent most of that day driving up the coast to Cannon Beach.
The staff was tops, and they entered right into the spirit of things. For instance, when the two masseuses came in the next morning, they were two cute young women. The one who drew me as her "patient", walked up with a warm greeting and asked, "Are there any areas I should avoid?"
That stopped me cold, for when you think about it, that is a loaded question no matter how you answer! She was well aware of my conflict as could be seen by the twinkle in her eyes! I hesitated for a few seconds, then with a smile and a jerk of my thumb towards Linda, answered: "You can massage anything that she wouldn't object to!" She let out a peal of laughter and got started.
On one of the days we went into town to sightsee and look through some of the shops. Linda wanted some bubble bath because there was a huge oval bathtub in the room that she just had to check out. We found a large bottle and when we were re-entering the inn one of the staff greeted us and asked if we had a good time. We assured her we had, then I explained that Linda had wanted some "toothpaste" and held up the bottle. A puzzled look came across her face and she began, "I've never seen toothpaste come in a container like . . ." I turned the bottle so that she could see the label, and she started laughing. "Oh! THAT kind of toothpaste!"
It was about dinner time, so after we ate we headed back upstairs. The same gal was there, so I explained that we were going up to use some of the toothpaste now. She burst out laughing again and shot back, "Yes, and I'll bet you're going to take pictures while she's brushing her teeth!"
"Yu betcha!!!"
Folks, I wish you could experience one of those meals. The cook was a young Japanese fellow who happened to be a highly trained New York chef. He was doing stuff with food that I didn't know was possible. It's like I emailed our ballet dancer granddaughter (who is a typical finicky teen-ager when it comes to food) "Lindy Lou, I wish you were here! We had Brussels sprouts and artichokes for breakfast this morning, and we are going to have rutabagas for supper tonight!" (Actually, Linda had the rutabagas, and I had the pickled watermelon.) I know it all sounds gross, but every speck of it was delicious!
Yes, we had a ball, but in a way that word does the whole thing an injustice, for it went far, far deeper than that. I knew that this celebration was extremely important to the kids, and one thing happened that demonstrated just how deep. At one point Judy and Daniel with Jeanne and Pony came and expressed their heartfelt appreciation for what we had done. With a look of wistful hope and longing and just a touch of fear for the future on all four faces, they explained: "You two give us hope that we too can do the same thing."
What can I say, except that I have tears in my eyes as I write this.
Enjoy your friends and family, folks. They are priceless, and while we don't want to fight them personally, we can certainly make life miserable for those who would teach things that would destroy something so sacred. They made themselves fair game. Enjoy the hunt.
Tom
P.S. Here's a picture of the outside of The Arch Cape Inn where we stayed. Our room included the tower and the two windows to the right. http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/photo-arch-cape-stbernardsarchcapehouse.html
Here's a shot of the inside. http://www.bedandbreakfast.com/photo-arch-cape-or-inns-stbernardsarchcapehouse.html The big oval bathtub is in an alcove off to the far left of the picture.