The rotten review

by sleepy 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • sleepy
    sleepy

    Please answer the following questions true or false.

    1. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah might or might not be resurrected.
    2. Charles Russell was part of the faithful and discreet slave of Matt 24:45.
    3. Samuel gave king Agag a pat on the back and a pardon for his errors.
    4. Noah had no trouble feeding the lions in the ark as they were happy with a crispy salad.
    5. At Armageddon the ground will open up a swallow naughty children and disabled people. Any left over will cooked alive like a roast ox by fire from the heavens.
    6. When Adam first met Eve he thought that God had made a mistake and put his spare rib in the wrong place.
    7. J.f.Rutherford was known as a kind and gentle man and like Moses he didn't like to mention his humility.
    8. Scientist are only noteworthy when they agree with us.

    Please fill in the blank space with the correct word or phrase.
    8. Only the anointed remnant born before ________go to ____________.
    9. Jehovah's witnesses are ___________allowed to think their own thoughts.
    10. Jehovah's reveals truth to the governing body by means of __________.
    11. The average IQ of a Jehovah's witness is ___________.
    12.________________.
    13_________ with your wife is fornication.
    14. The society has always been willing to ___________ its mistakes.

    Please chose the correct words from the choices given.
    15. When children made fun of Elijah he(said "well it doesn't matter they are only children"/gave them a bag of sweets and asked politely for them to stop/called on Jehovah's to get a Big angry bear to rip them to shreds).
    16. Reading the latest history book you notice that Jerusalem was destroyed in 607BCE do you(investigate further to make sure what you believe is true/point this out to the society with the evidence and hope they will see they are in error/just ignore it like the rest as we all know scientists are crap and the watchtower writers have the highest IQ's on earth)
    17. Worldly people should be viewed as ( people would are just like us but have a different viewpoint/People who always have sinister and bad motives/the evilest scum of the earth who will be blasted to kingdom come by Jehovah's of armies)
    18. We show love to disfellowshiped people by(talking to them and encouraging them/Have less association with them but still treat them as friends/look away every time you see them never utter a word to them completely cut them off like they are contaminated by an deadly scourge even if they are your mother or father and are dying in the street)
    19. If a doctor wants to give you a blood transfusion (He is concerned for your health and trying his best to help/he has more medical knowledge than you a you should trust him/his actions are like he is rapping your weakened and frail body by forcing evil blood into your veins which could turn you into a murderer or fornicator within hours , that is unless it kills you first)
    20. We know the gentle times ended in 1914 because(If you take week and turn it into a week of years take a year not to mean 365 days but 360 days then change a day for a year then change those years into a different length then count to 10 quickly do a hand stand do the hockey cocky and turn around count the number of hairs on Rutherford's head divided by the number of watchtowers eaten by native tribesmen in Africa go to the highest mountain jump off into a glass of water, kill a lion and open its stomach remove the contents and eat it go to the toilet and look at the shape of your poo draw it and paint flowers all around then look in the insight book and you will see it takes you to 1914/forget it its a load of crap)

    How did you do?

  • Nowfree
    Nowfree

    Excellent! I love Question 19 - it is just so true (sadly).

    Now if I were to start answering those questions I would break my rule of ever doing the Written Review! Even when I was a JW!!

    Nowfree

  • Xena
    Xena

    AAAAHHHHHHH scrambling around looking for a pencil at the bottom of my bookbag....where is the Bible...I know this one I am sure of it....

    Flashbacks damn you sleepy you are giving me JW flashbacks

  • Pathofthorns
    Pathofthorns

    LOL.. What a riot! You are insane

    Path

  • Francois
    Francois

    The only one I knew for sure what #10, and that's "secret decoder ring." What do I win?
    FT

  • Julie
    Julie

    1. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah might or might not be resurrected.

    No they will forever remain worm-shit, just like everyone else.

    2. Charles Russell was part of the faithful and discreet slave of Matt 24:45.

    Charles Russell had a great business idea and used this whole "God-thing" to reach his goal.

    3. Samuel gave king Agag a pat on the back and a pardon for his errors.

    Who knows? Who cares?

    4. Noah had no trouble feeding the lions in the ark as they were happy with a crispy salad.

    No, he fed them children of unbelievers he had brought along for the trip.

    5. At Armageddon the ground will open up a swallow naughty children and disabled people. Any left over will cooked alive like a roast ox by fire from the heavens.

    If by Armageddon you mean the end of the world, it *could* be because of nuclear weapons which would result in a "cooked alive" sort of death for many.

    6. When Adam first met Eve he thought that God had made a mistake and put his spare rib in the wrong place.

    When Adam first met Eve he wasn't thinking about his rib.

    7. J.f.Rutherford was known as a kind and gentle man and like Moses he didn't like to mention his humility.

    He was a greedy ego-maniac, like many "religious leaders" throughout time.

    8. Scientist are only noteworthy when they agree with us.

    Scientists are noteworthy because of their credentials and accomplishments.

    Please fill in the blank space with the correct word or phrase.

    8. Only the anointed remnant born before at anytime will also be nothing but dust in the end, like everyone else.

    9. Jehovah's witnesses are __not_allowed to think their own thoughts.

    10. Jehovah's reveals truth to the governing body by means of _the Spirit of Bullshit
    .
    11. The average IQ of a Jehovah's witness is immaterial, it is their emotional IQ that causes their blight.

    12.________________.( Not sure how to answer this one )

    13_Dancing with your wife is fornication.

    14. The society has always been willing to cover-up its mistakes.

    The rest are too doctrinal for my tastes, considering it's all nonsense anyway. It was fun though.....

    Regards,
    Julie

  • ISP
    ISP

    I forgot my pen.

    ISP

  • Rummy1
    Rummy1

    Whoops forgot my review oh well I'll just pretend!
    Used to look forward to written review ..peace and quiet on platform nice easy meeting...good time for a kip

  • ISP
    ISP

    I always would forget my pen and review paper!

    ISP

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    You're too funny sleepy....I'm sitting here eagerly putting up my hand to give an answer lol....

    Did they used to ask who got "ALL" the answers correct in your congregation?? They did in mine....and yet we weren't allowed to play competition sport...too competitive lol.

    Beck

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