Bill Clinton Jokes

by Bangalore 6 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Bangalore

  Bill Clinton Jokes.

  Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy".

  One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

  "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

  A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."

  "I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

  The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.

  "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

  Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

  "Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

  "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"

  Bill and Hillary were at a Yankees game when a secret service man walks up and whispers in Bill's ear. Suddenly Bill picked up Hillary and throws her on the field. The secret service man says 'I don't think you understand, sir. I said throw out the first pitch not bitch!!!

  While the Clintons were still in the Governor's Mansion in Arkansas, one night Chelsea came in to the bedroom and said, "Mommy, tell me a story please!" Hillary said, "It's 3:00 am, honey, can't you just go to bed?" Chelsea answered, "I tried, Mommy, but I can't sleep... please tell me a story."
  Hillary thought for a moment and said, "OK, honey, I'll tell you what... You just jump up here in bed with me, and when your daddy finally gets home, we'll BOTH get to hear a story!"

  Bangalore
• 

  Bangalore

  President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. "I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full." "Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs." "Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!" "Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir." "Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary." The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."

  Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today." She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."

  President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary's room. She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House.

  Maid: Yes, Mr. President--I'll remove the mirrors right away.

  Bangalore
• 

  Found Sheep

  what dollar bill would Clinton be on...
• 

  GLTirebiter

  what dollar bill would Clinton be on...
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  How did Bill & Hillary meet?

  Dating the same girl.
• 

  Found Sheep

  no silly 69
• 

  Bangalore

  A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"
  The Officer replies, "The President just found out Starr has delivered another report to Congress and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers.
  I'm walking around taking up a collection for him".
  "Oh really?
  How much have you collected so far?"
  "I've got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons."

  Bangalore