What I missed being a JW

NikL

I got to thinking the other day about things that I missed out on being a JW growing up. Not going to collage comes to mind as does dating more extensively.
The thing I look back on with the most regret though, is my lack of deep friendships.
Going to high school I had worldly friends of course, but I never let myself get too close to them. These were wonderful people but after I graduated I left them all behind and lost touch with them.
Years later, after loosing all of my witness friends, I think about the old days and wonder how different things might have been if only I had not been so blinded my a self righteous religion.
Nick (having another scotch and feeling nostalgic):-)

mindfield

Since I grew up in a JW family, I think my nerdyness had to do with the "don't hang out with wordly people" doctrine. It took a while to harvest friendships, and even then... Later, in high school, I stared to "rebel" against the JW doctrines, and actually started real friendships and (gasp) using "wordly" language occasionnally.

These days, college and higher education is much more open in JW doctrine, isn't it? Every teen JW I can think of went to college or wants to...

Francois

Those things you say you missed aren't trivial, either. Because I had one foot in and one foot out of the JWs (and a non-JW father), I went to college. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I guess part of that reason would be that I was in college in the sixties, I got a student deferment (about which I now have some very ambiguous feelings), and the sexual revolution was in full swing. College for me was a blast in every way. If you can, go now. Some of my best friends in college were older guys who had apartments where we could party, and they did have a stabilizing effect on some of the undergraduate frivolity. Go for it.

And it's never too late to make friends...all you gotta do is be friendly.

Francois

Cygnus

Nik

what you wrote is exactly how I felt. I attend every high school function I can, and remarkably, my old high school mates are very receptive to me, considering what a self-righteous asshole I was.

Beck_Melbourne

When you grow up in the truth you don't really believe you are missing out....another brain washing statement fed to children so that they don't feel neglected. I used to secretly wish that we would have at least ONE christmas....or that I could have a birthday or go to a disco or play interschool competition sports or go to a party with worldy associates etc. I think the thing I missed out on the most was being an ordinary teenager....my mother and the borg stole that from me and my siblings. I almost did the same mistake to my children...but luckily I left in time...my eldest is 16 and she is enjoying what I consider to be some of the best years of her life.

We had our first christmas last year....I will never forget it....from picking the tree to decorating it...buying and wrapping the gifts...putting up the xmas lights....writing out xmas cards and receiving them....I was a true Pagan!! It was great!!

Cheers
Beck

jesussaves

I remember crying for days when my worldly best friend had a sleepover and of course my mother wouldn't let me go. I didn't have a date until I was 19 years old. I missed prom, college and all of the above. Those things are not trivial! I'm an adult now, with my own family and a college degree (associates, still working on the bachelor), and it still hurts. My ten year high school reunion is this year, and I have recently started to cultivate relationships with some of the people that I graduated with. I went to school with some really amazing people, and I never knew.

flower

I have similar feelings when I look through my high school yearbook (very rarely). I get very upset at how I was cheated out of a normal life. I mean there are so many clubs and committees, sports, and activities that I never even knew about because I went home every day after school. The yearbook has pictures of smiling happy kids decked out in school colors celebrating school spirit. Or cheering on a football game, building floats or just marching in a band. Just normal kid stuff. Things that make kids enjoy life and things that make them happy. Its so cruel and unfair that that was taken from us.

Not just those things but more importantly, like you mentioned, the friendship. Thats all I ever prayed to Jehovah for as a kid. Everyone else had friends but me. Not even at the hall. Not really. Having a group of friends that call you on the phone and ask if you want to go out for pizza. Or having someone to eat lunch or study with. Someone that is also going through the changes every teen goes through and that you can talk to about things with understanding. Everyone in school it seemed knew each other or knew a lot of the other kids. I knew mostly everyone since we all grew up together in a small town. I went to kindergarten with some of the people i went to high school with. But I knew them by name and face only. I never was allowed to get close enough to know them or let them know me. When I used to say that I wanted to be normal therapists and other people used to ask 'well what is normal anyway..nobody is really normal'. This to me is normal. Friendship is normal.

Now a lot of us have to learn as adults how to be friends with people and its not easy. They dont understand where I come from so they arent patient with me as I develop social skills.

We do have to be careful that we dont allow the thoughts of all the stuff we missed out on overwhelm us also. I am angry but I am working through that and trying to focus on how much I still can do in my life. I'm not going to miss out on anything else that I want to do. And I'm not going to allow my son to miss out on anything either. Got to move on or they still have control.

flower

Nannygoat

I'm still angry (sad?) over the childhood I didn't have growing up. I was always so envious of my schoolmates who were involved in cheerleading and sports. I know I would have been good at it, if given the chance. Since I've always been petite and athletically built, many of my "worldly" friends didn't understand why I wasn't involved in these things...and it was a total downer trying to explain my parent's reasoning behind it. So today, at age 30, I play volleyball, wallyball, and softball and still watch the National Cheerleading Championships on ESPN. Haha! I feel like I'm in phase two of my childhood. It's never too late!

But I do think one of the worst things about growing up JW is the lack of education in social skills. *shaking head* I still cannot believe my worldly friends at age 19 (when I was DFed) were so kind and patient as I learned these things. I know there were times I irritated them and made them angry or hurt, but they were certainly saints for putting up with my BS. I try not to feel too badly about it now though. They never held my ignorance against me. But the grace they showed me has been a huge factor in my being understanding and patient with others today. If someone acts weird or is ill-mannered, I always try to stop and remember: What is causing them to act that way? Do they act like that all the time? Have they had a bad day? Do they realize they're being hurtful? Usually after I answer a couple of those questions, I realize MOST people aren't out to offend or hurt...their ignorance of social skills is usually the culprit.

Andi

JT

JUST A REPOST THAT FITS THIS THREAD SO WELL

@@@@@@@@@@
This is a comment that a Former JW made in ref to the number of Lives that have been Abused by WT. The point was made that there are millions of folks whose lives have been abused by WT over the years.

***There are millions of documented abuses by the WT***

If you documented every life that has been twisted by this cult, then he is right. Count the number of children convinced to become social outcasts over lies, count the number of young boys abused in prisons when alternative service was not allowed as it is now, count the number of loving children, parents, brothers, sisters and other friends and relatives shunned over not sin but disagreement on doctrine,

count the number of marriages broken up,count the suicides, count those suffering from depression, count the number of people who didn't have children when they wanted to due to false predictions made by the Jehovah's Witnesses and who now can't due to age, count the number of people condemned to low wages and long hours,

count the number of people facing poverty in their old age from not preparing or having jobs with good benefits due to Jehovah's Witness lies about the world ending and not "arranging the furniture on the Titantic."

Yeah, I think he has his numbers and if anything is being conservative with his figures. If you look at the waves of pain sent out even through the non-witness relatives and friends over such things as not celebrating birthdays or being close to any who aren't in the "Truth(/lie)" then it might well swell above millions as each witness has borne many, many pains and inflicted many, many pains in his or her lifetime.

You are the Idiot if you deny the record of this group as they are on paper, everything from the "poison puss" of vaccinations and aluminum to the masthead of the Awake for all those years printing the lie they had to change.

I Pity the Fool that follows this Religion

.
Tantalus

DanielHaase

1. Education
2. Reason
3. Friends
4. Good movies
5. Freedom
6. Respect
7. Ass.

"Brother, you better get down on your knees and pay...a thousand more fools are being born every f***ing day" -Bad Religion

What I missed being a JW

Share this