Review: 'Crossroads'
2-15-2002 Movies
In Theatres Now
By Fred Topel
I was finished growing up by the time “Hit me baby, one more time” came out, so the Tao of Britney was not ingrained during my formative years. Without that background, the film Crossroads just seems ridiculous. It’s a coming-of-age story with no unique character discoveries, a girl-power movie with no heart, and a rock movie with no new music.
Britney Spears plays Lucy, a virginal southern belle who has grown apart from her childhood best friends, Kit (Zoe Saldana) and Mimi (Taryn Manning). Since all have some kind of business between Georgia and Los Angeles, they reunite for a road trip in the car of mysterious Ben (Anson Mount). Will they rediscover their friendship along the way?
Each of the girls fills a teen movie cliché. Lucy is the nerdy bookworm and the film makes excessive reference to her virginality. Okay, let’s buy into the film world and pretend Britney Spears, the glamorous pop icon, does not exist here. She still looks exactly like Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore and Shakira, so no matter how much she studies, guys will want her. Thin blondes always get some.
Kit became the popular bitch and Mimi became the pregnant outcast. The actors play those characters to the deepest extent of their one dimension. Britney even relies on her stable of expressions. You’ll recognize the tongue gag from her Pepsi spots.
Boys who can’t sneak into R-rated movies yet will likely get their jollies from all the Britney skin on display here, from the opening underwear dance scene to her prom night lingerie to her endless array of navel shirts. They even tease us with the anticipation of an open bra, but don’t be fooled. This is PG-13. As if she’d show that anyway.
On the road, the girls randomly stop to discuss issues and spout morals. Kit had weight issues, and her best and worst moments in life were the same single moment. That’s a ripoff from City Slickers (remember their “best and worst day” talk) and it may have come from a movie earlier than that. The conditions of Mimi’s pregnancy are very serious, but it’s only a plot device. The film doesn’t explore the psychological ramifications of such trauma. And Lucy just wants to know her mom, who left when she was three. Any guess how mom will react to seeing her daughter? Even the mom issue only gets one scene devoted to it. Nobody’s issue gets any weight.
Of course, the answer to everyone’s problems is… singing! The girls are on their way to an open audition for a music label. This is Mimi’s idea, but on the road, Lucy discovers she has the voice of a pop goddess. First, in a gratuitous karaoke scene, she does “I Love Rock N’ Roll.” Then she reads a poem which coincidentally are the lyrics to her latest hit single, already released on the radio. When Ben thinks to put it to music, Lucy feigns nerves a tiny bit before completely breaking into her overwrought musical enunciation.
Even the kids lost it there. The teens in the audience were enthralled throughout the film, but even they realized it was all a setup for the single when the filmmakers didn’t even show the character develop her voice at all. She just automatically inherits the Britney voice. They could have at least used the film to launch a new song. How cheap to showcase a song everyone’s already heard.
This movie isn’t even bad in a fun way. It’s just painful how seriously it takes itself. The one semi-subtle revelation, that of Mimi’s rapist, works but it leads to a totally contrived moment for her baby and yet another weepy scene.
The one person who can be forgiven here is Mount. Maybe he believed in the material, maybe he knew it for what it was, but he was just in it for the make-out scene with Britney. That’s understandable. Everything else in this movie is as insincere as Britney’s love of Pepsi cola.
Still, come back next week for “The Making of Crossroads!”
Fred welcomes your opinions. Argue with him at ActionAdventure.About.com.
Genre: Romance
Length: 94 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Studio: Paramount
Director: Tamra Davis
Starring: Britney Spears, Zoe Saldana, Anson Mount, Taryn Manning, Justin Long, Dan Aykroyd, Kim Cattrall
Rating: 1 out of 10
April
If you bury the truth under the ground, it will but grow, and gather to itself such explosive power that the day it bursts through it will blow up everything in its way.--Emile Zola, J'accuse
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