"They will make your life miserable for as long as you will allow them to."

by leavingwt 9 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  leavingwt

  Below is a comment on a recent thread at JWR, and I wanted to share it. Obviously, every situation is different, but for many situations, I believe there is some wisdom in this advice.

  ---------------

  They will make your life miserable for as long as you will allow them too. Just as things are going well, and you're feeling good, they show up with a glimmer of hope that you might renew a normal relationship. Then they rip open the old wounds and you're once again treated as a leper.
  
  They will do this over and over again until you finally say "enough." Don't worry about being the bad guy - they already think you are, and not caring about what they think is a vital part of escaping.
  
  Tell them if they ever have doubts about the dubs to come see you, but until then you're completely off limits. Your life will be much better.
• 

  designs

  The Aggressor/Victim Relationship. Study up on the dynamics, be knowledgeable, be prepared.
• 

  mrsjones5

  Yep, that's exactly what happens between my parents and I. I was just saying to my husband te other day that my parents have a way of making me feel like I'm the worst person on the planet even though I have friends and family who tell me that I am a good person. I can't win with my parents so it's best that I limit contact (physical and emotional).
• 

  cult classic

  "...not caring about what they think is a vital part of escaping."

  This is absolutely true. No longer needing or wanting the approval of family, "friends", and the congregation helps you cut the cord cleanly. It's not easy, but it's the only way to be free and live your life.
• 

  Eiben Scrood

  Very wise words. It's easier said than done I'm finding. I just have to do it though.
• 

  punkofnice

  What are the GB saying this week? 'Apostates are mentally diseased'?

  Oh, well, better be nasty to my family that have left the 'truth' this week in order to 'qualify' for 'eternal life in paradise'.

  In a few weeks I'll soften my approach until the GB print more vitriol and hatered!!

  The GB are so loving. How happifying!

  
• 

  sabastious

  To be a Witness is to firmly believe that no one is beyond convincing. Because of this extreme conviction they often try to reopen old relationships with intention of re-indoctrinating the old friend. I think that is what this person is describing and it can be a painful experience. It definitely isn't right and I'm not just speaking about getting people back into a formal study, but even on a smaller scale, like changing some habbits here and there that especially bother their conscience.

  No matter what a Witness friend will want to change something fundamental about you in order to consider you a real friend on any level. That's how cults work, they give such a disadvantage to non members that the members SEEK OUT certain characteristics just to feel safe within their own skin.

  "Oh you watch rated R movies? That's so dirty of you! That might be a problem."

  Witnesses are experts at making relationships on THEIR terms for obvious reasons.

  -Sab
• 

  LongHairGal

  mrsjones5:

  It is only now that I am out of the religion that I can honestly say what a manipulative head trip the whole thing was. The whole thing was designed to keep you on the edge of your seat with at least a low level of ever-present anxiety over various things. And, of course, you are never good enough.

  You are right about limiting contact with people who have a way of making you feel that you don't measure up - and it does not matter whether these people are JWs or not. I can personally attest to the fact that non-JW family can do this to you also over various issues.
• 

  leavingwt

  Good and decent people want to be good sisters, brothers, sons, daughters and friends. But, not if that means being subjected to emotional abuse.
• 

  lifestooshort

  Thank you Leavingwt. Thank you for empowering others and showing how they can stop being victimized.