July 31, 2011 was the happiest day of my life. I married the most wonderful man that has ever entered into my life. The problem is, is that now I have 2 fighting teen step children who cant find anything nice to say about the other. We have tried talking to them one on one, as a family, with outside mentors, but nothing seems to work. One of them just basically will shut down and doesnt seem to care if they talk with the step sister ever again while the other one deserves an emmy for the theatrics she does whenever someone doesnt side with her and her feelings about everything in her "world". We have been witnesses for just about 8 years and I am at a loss at what to do to get everyone to sit down and calmly talk about what bothers each of them. All my husband and I get is .... "I'M DONE! I DON'T CARE ANY MORE WHAT SHE SAYS OR THINKS!" Please help me .....Any ideas or thoughts would be greatly welcomed
New family consisting of feuding Step-sisters
by puptch 4 Replies latest social family
-
-
Knowsnothing
First off, welcome to the board!
These situations can be tough. It's something new for them. They were used to only mom or only dad. If you can get them in their fighting to talk exactly about why one disagrees with the other, that would be nice. Maybe one is jealous. I don't know. All I know is that you have to help open up the lines of communication, otherwise how are you going to know the root of the problem?
-
puptch
My husband and I have sat down many times and asked them to just put it all out there. We have given each girl a chance to voice their feelings and thoughts and how they feel about the new family. The problem is is that when they dont hear us agree with every single thing that they have to say, they start to shut down. Now I personally have told them that their feelings are important and that they way that they express themselves is important but to be accusatory and demeaning to the other one is not going to be permitted in the house. I love my new daughter as if she were my own flesh and blood. My husband loves my daughter the same way. We dont take anyone's side in any arguement. We listen to them both and ask them how they think everything should be resolved. The biggest problem is that the oldes one feels that since she is the oldest, we should automatically side with her on each issue. When we dont, she gets all theatrical and storms around the house saying that no one understands her and I dont love her. It is so hard.
-
Band on the Run
My single family was similar. There was gross abuse by our father. Somehow when I was young, my brother and I were like twins. I could not begin to imagine his nonexistence. We were very close in age. My sister was born 7 years after and my bro regressed greatly when she was born. I lost my pal b/c he was doing baby things. It hurt. Looking at it now, I can see where I started to see my siblings as contamined by the abuse. So I rejected them. I also think there is some normal teen age stuff, too. Now, with hindsight, I can see how we were all victims fighting over the few crumbs we had.
My sister was always very vocal about hating me. I hated her. But not really. I begged my mom to intervene. She did not. I was near death for a long time and my sister did not even send me a greeting card from the Salvation Army. If we could rewrite history, I am certain we would appreciate each other but we became frozen in roles. I suppose it is hard to know what is normal teenage behavior and what is much more serious.
I wish my mom had intervened. She just dismissed that there was a real problem. My sister imitated me and I saw this as her protest rather than any admiration. The worst thing I think is that nasty words are allowed, it creates a script that is hard to break. Also, if my mom remarried, I know I would not want any new sibling. No way. Not normal. Of course, it is normal. Perhaps the new sibling I would hate to pieces would have been by my side in crisis.
The sad thing is that I am no longer young. All this insight appears to come late. I am very grateful that I hate you is not being screeched now. Someone famous, G. Bernard Shaw said "Youth is wasted on the young."
-
mamalove
Step families can be very hard. I think the girls are normal...but it is annoying. My two daughters, although much younger fight. I recall fighting fiercly with my sister when we were teenagers. It really doesn't matter if you are JW or not, it is just a fact of life. Does not make being a parent easier, and it makes enjoying your new husband a little more difficult. Hang in there! Hopefully they have plans for a good education, and they grow up and mature once they get education and jobs.