First off I'd like to say how exstatic I am about finding this site.
Finally I can get this off my chest, and to people who might understand. Well here goes.
My name is Aaron and I am 25 years old. I was born in and raised in San Diego. Let me start with my mother. My mother is a Jehovah's Witness to this day. She was a married (and by all accounts happy) woman living with her husband of over 10 years and her oldest son, and 2 daughters. One day a JW came to her door and she wen't wild for the JW dogma. Her husband would not accept her going to meetings and was angry that she was changing from the woman he had married. THey eventually divorced.
Here's where I come in. My mother meets my father, whose parents are both JW's. He hasn't really been into the JW thing but he wants to marry my mom so he gets baptised. Well you know what happens, they divorce. However in the short marriage my mom became pregnant with me.
My Dad leaves the picture like a true gentleman. Now a brief psychological glimpse at my mother around the time of my birth. The way I see it she had seen much dissapointment and heartbreak in the time since becoming a JW. Also her children now were becoming very rebellious. they expiremented with drugs and the sort. Now her youngest other than me, young Leslie (remember her) probably 11 or 12 was doting along with mommy to the Kingdom Hall like a good little girl.
So anyhow I'm born and all is kosher for now. When I'm about 5 years old however, young Leslie starts rebelling as well. She's playing sick from meetings to hang out and smoke pot with boys, and doing all sorts of unbecoming things for a young JW. Basically she never really buys into the shit. I admire her for that. Eventually Leslie leaves home and dissapears for a couple years. Now here I am 5 years old living with my mom. I know that at this point she began to look at me different. Instead of a son, I became a project. A possession if you will. All of her children had embarassed her in the eyes of her fellow JW's, but I would be different. Boy would I.
I was a hyperactive kid, and doesn't that fit lovely with 3 weekly meetings totalling 5 hours? Anyhow I'm stuggling to keep still and look up my scriptures as a young lad. OMG who makes a kid look up scriptures!?? Im sorry I get angry thinking about it. So anyhow I get into trouble at school, get poor grades and am not diggin things too much. The clique at the Kingdom hall talks alot don't you know so now I'm a "bad kid". So know I am robbed of having friends. I am not allowed to visit "worldy" kids from school. So I'm stuck getting teased and called names by the kids in the Kingdom Hall, who were ginen a "dont give a shit about Aaron card" from their parents. I honestly feel like I was raised like veal.
I remember one day, I was about 13 or 14 and the dreaded talk list came upon me. I had to give one of those 5 minute talks in the Theocratic Ministry School. I was becoming a young man and was starting to rebel a little myself and I decided I wouldnt prepare for the talk. It did'nt seem that important to me. I honestly thought, whats the worst that'll happen. Ill just go up to Elder so and so and say sorry I don't have it prepared (I hated talks). So my mom is getting ready for the meeting and she discovers I'm not prepared. She says your going to give that talk". I say flatly "I'm not gonna go then". She has a mental breakdown at this point. She pounces on me and starts punching me sobbing like a lunatic. Anyways I used to feel horrible when my Mom would cry, but as I grew up I began to loathe everything she represented. Ignorance, vanity, blind devotion, stubborness. I remember laughing as she cried later. It makes me feel sick to say that but it's true.
Anyhow eventually I moved out, and since have struggled to find my identity after being put through the concentration camp called JW society. I have no relationship with my mother aside from a phonecall every 6 months or so. She still dutifully attends the Kingdom Hall. I feel so much hate towards the organisation sometimes I can barely stand it. It robbed me of my youth, my freedom from fear (armageddon anyone?), and my own mother. Thank god (term used loosely) I am somewhat sane after all that shit. To think of the young kids having to go through what I did makes me neaseous. Sorry for this boring long rant but its been brewing for 25 years!
Thank you