One upsmanship: the art of the scathing reply

by Terry 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry
    Terry

    We naturally loathe the smug face of the holier-than-thou JW, don't we?

    The look down their nose and make some snide remark to put the "others" in their place.

    And, why shouldn't they? They are the Chosen ones! They alone have the Truth with a capital T.

    Everybody but them is wrong, wrong, wrong.

    And so we once were the smug bastard with the absolute certainty. It was a Faith Unshakable based on.....amateur theology and duct tape!

    I'll bet quite a few of us still have what I'll call "semi-friends" inside the Organization who are true blue JW's...but, who might secretly talk to us

    now and again in private.

    4 or 5 years ago I'd have lunch once a week with my former "best" friend. He was the guy who pulled me in to the JW's back when we were very young teens. We shared growing up together. I had married his sister. You know the drill.

    He had a bad habit of making snide remarks. Not to be cruel, especially. But, because he was SOOOOOO RIGHT and I was soooo wrong.

    But, by nature, I'm what you call a counter-puncher. I don't throw the first blow. But, if the other guy tags me I'm back in a flash!

    My mouth outruns my brain :) Something comes out of my subconscious before I can stop myself. Do you ever do that? Well I do.

    Anyway, over the years I've said a few things that actually shut him up. And that ain't easy, folks!

    It isn't motivated by one-upsmanship. It is more rebuttal and the scathing retort at work.

    Here are few examples:

    JW: "Don't you want your children to live forever on a Paradise earth?"

    Me: "Aww, if Jehovah feels that killing children is the right thing to do--who am I to interfere?"

    JW: "Terry, time is so short now, if you don't return to Jehovah, Armageddon will overtake you and you'll be lost forever!"

    Me: "Funny you should say that. I bumped into Brother Coulter 23 years ago in front of this same coffee shop and he said the very same thing!"

    JW: "Wouldn't you want to see your Mom and grandparents again in the resurrection?"

    Me: "And who's gonna stop me? Amateur bible experts? If Jehovah looks into my heart and thinks I should be there---some old geezer in Brooklyn won't carry much veto power!"

    JW: "What makes you smarter than god's chosen anointed Organization?"

    Me: "Oh, I dunno. I've got a broken watch that's right more often than they've been. Jesus had to shave when you and I joined up and now he gets to wear a beard. Who whispered THAT wisdom in their ear?"

    JW: "Only Jehovah's Witnesses actually change what they believe when they discover they are wrong!"

    Me: "Well, they've had plenty of practice at it--haven't they! Admitting you're wrong when you've shit your pants in public isn't exactly going to win you a Nobel prize!"

    JW: "How many other religions can claim they don't believe in hell, the soul, the Trinity, the cross....?"

    Me: "Jehovah's Witnesses are in the "Don't Believe" business --that's not FAITH, that's ill-tempered cynicism! What exactly are you FOR? Charity? Women's shelters? Education? Oh-wait--excuse me...you are FOR the NOT partaking of the Lord's Evening meal! Let's go celebrate that one why don't we?"

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    Lord have mercy, Terry slapped on the duck tape to boot :))

  • Ding
    Ding

    One I like is:

    JW: We are here to offer you a free home Bible study.

    Householder: That's great! I'm glad you're willing to use only the Bible. There are so many religious hucksters today that pull a bait and switch by supplanting the Bible with their organization's books and magazines.

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    LOL @ Ding

  • Terry
    Terry

    JW: We are here to offer you a free home Bible study.

    Me: Yeah? How much do most churches charge?

  • AnneB
    AnneB

    People would have to overcome their "I shouldn't be impolite" training before this could work for everyone. How did you do it?

  • Terry
    Terry

    People would have to overcome their "I shouldn't be impolite" training before this could work for everyone. How did you do it?

    When you reach a certain point in your life you don't care what other people think. I know that sounds rude, but, these are rude people

    who need shutting up and the best thing to keep in mind is that they don't mind hurting your feelings.

    Giving the snooty know-it-alls a taste of their own medicine might give them a moment's unguarded insight like a dash of cold water.

    I was shy for a long long time growing up. Now I look back on my reticence and think what an idiot I was tip-toeing on eggshells lest I draw boundries and mark off my own place in this world. I've got a right to my own thoughts, feelings and opinion and if you cross me, then, YOU'VE got a right to my opinion too, :)

    p.s. people need to earn my respect. It isn't granted automatically. There is no excuse for a fool with an open mouth and the Kingdom Halls are filled with them.

  • LoneWolf
    LoneWolf

    LOL!

    I was conducting a Bible Study with some of the youth and it was really getting popular. I tried to keep it to an hour, but there were so many questions and problems thrown out that we were lucky to get out of there in three, let alone two. We were using the Watchtower for study material and preparing for the Watchtower Study, then opening it up to anything - whatever they wanted to talk about. Fifteen to twenty kids were common and it was growing. It was the freewheeling question and answer sessions afterwards that brought the kids in. When the Watchtower Study did come around on Sunday, every kid would make it a point to answer.

    One meeting an elder confronted me, nose to nose and belly button to belly button. "Why are to trying to supplant the Watchtower Study?" He snarled.

    He hardly got it out before I snarled right back: "And why are you violating Proverbs 18:13 by judging a matter before you hear it?" He stood there, stunned, not knowing what to say, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

    It wasn't long after that, that I ran him clear out of town without even meaning to. It's rather rare to meet guys that cowardly.

  • finallysomepride
    finallysomepride

    When you reach a certain point in your life you don't care what other people think.

    that sounds like me, but after i say, well, maybe sometime after, I think to myself 'did really say that? how rude of me. LOL

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