What do families of the DF'd tell wordly relatives and friends?

What Now?

My husband and my son and I just came back from visiting my grandparents. My parents and sisters, as well as my dad's sister and family were there. Only my family are Witnesses. Whenever my extended family gets together, we have a great time. My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are relatively non-religious. They are more the "enjoy life and do good to others" type. They have no interest in talking religion. They have accepted that my parents have become witnesses and no longer celebrate birthdays and other holidays, but they don't want to hear about it.

Anyways, the evening was filled with good food and lots of laughs.

This got me thinking ...

If my husband and I were to officially leave "the truth", how would my parents ever explain to the rest of their family why they choose not to see us or their grandson anymore without coming across as fanatical religious nuts? What could they say to them about us, that would justify them shunning their daughter? For them to say they avoid us because they no longer accept their religious beliefs - my family would think they've gone crazy! What a "bad witness" that would be.

What about co-workers of witnesses with disfellowshipped children? I remember having a conversation about this with a couple of ladies from work, and they couldn't wrap their minds around the concept of disowning your children simply because they do not accept your religious beliefs.

Anyways ... I was getting more and more angry as I thought about this, just needed to get it off my chest. What a crazy religion!

Balsam

My ex-husband & his sister who are both active JW's refused to go to any function where I might be there. I'm an ex-jw and left 10 years ago. I am still very close with my ex-in-laws and we get together often. My ex-brother in law invited myself and my non-jw husband to a gathering for their daughter baby shower. Now they are not JW's and never have been. Only my ex-husband and his sister are JW's in the family.

My ex-brother in law was really angry with them for their attitude. I just told my ex-brother in law that is how it is in the religion we were in and not to be angry with them, they are affected by the mentality of being in a cult. I of course was angry and irritated by this but I didn't reveal it to my ex-in-laws and let them handle it and stayed out of it. As it turned out I couldn't attend though I'd been invited.

It is a frustrating situation, and I have two sons by this hateful man. But my sons are both out of the JW's and my ex-only has contact with my oldest son. My youngest son wants nothing to do with him at all. My ex doesn't even try talk to his son even though he has married and has a granddaughter he will never get to know. That is how it is.

Ruth

its_me!

Very sad and frustrating! It definitely doesn't help the image of the organization. I am pretty much shunned by all witnesses. My in-laws think this is totally nuts and are very happy that I am no longer a practicing JW. I miss my family and it still haunts me daily that our relationship (or lack there-of) is so strained but I have made my choice and they theirs. It hurts each and every one of us, and the teachings of the WTS are to blame. I hope one day that my family will see this, but I don't hold my breath because dying of suffocation would not be my chosen way to go.

I am so sorry for all of the families that have to go through this.

wasblind

The best question to ask a Jehovah's witness is this :

If love is unconditional, and covers a multitude of things

what's with all the shunning ????

As the singer Roberta Flack would sing

Where is the love ????

Giordano

The JW's are in such good company! They join in with these other village idiots.

Shunning is practiced, in one form or another, in various religions, cults and sects. This includes the Amish, the Jehovah's Witnesses, Mennonites, the Church of Scientology ("disconnection")

Witnesses are among a minority of Christian groups in the United States known to cut off social - and, as a result, business and family - contact with the disfellow- shipped.

Such shunning is "a fairly common practice of radical reformation sects, groups that tend to be drawn in very much on themselves," said Carl Raschke, a Denver University religious studies professor.

Other practitioners include certain Old Order Mennonite and Amish communities, Hutterites and the Bruderhof.
[...]

Disfellowshipping is not the most radical practice out there, Colorado College professor David Weddle said. Some ultra-orthodox Jewish congregations, for example, go so far as to hold funerals for former members who decide to marry outside the religion.

And in some extremist Islamic groups around the world, apostasy (renunciation of faith) is considered punishable by death - witness the bounty placed on author Salman Rushdie after he was branded an apostate for "The Satanic Verses."

jwfacts

I don't think there is any way they can justify it. One tack they do sometimes take is to slander the d/f person in an effort to claim they are unfit to associate with, but that is not likely to work with non JW family members that know what you are really like.

NoRegrets

When it comes to owning their beliefs, most of our JW relatives lie about shunning. Or else they pretty much just avoid the non-witness relatives rather than admit to the situation. My non-witness grandparents were always in our lives and treaded carefully around my bi-polar dad so that they could continue to see us. When my sister, my wife and I left the org. they lit up with the opportunity to tell us how they really feel about the religion and how much they put up with to continue to see us! Once the reality of shunning and other nasty business started, they told my parents how awful they were being to their own children! The result? My parents almost completely avoid them as does my brother!

They say that anything you can't be honest about is unhealthy behavior. I guess this a tangible example of how the behavior is toxic and they know it at least subconsciously.

I also envision but have no proof of how they tell coworkers about their now "missing" children. I always imagine (probably accurately) that they turn it around and say that we don't have anything to do with them!

-NR

outsmartthesystem

That's the thing. Unless the person who is no longer a witness did something absolutely heinous.....it is impossible for them to justify their actions to anyone else. And if they try anyway and come across looking like a religious fanatic.......then the Witness simply goes home saying to himself "This is PROOF that I have the right religion. My relatives just don't understand. Jesus even said that I would be persecuted....likely by my own family"

A witness will turn a justified reponse of disdain by a family member (who finds out that the witness has forsaken his own child simply because the child no longer believes that the religion is correct) into an attack on him and his religion....thus claiming "persecution" in his own mind

What Now?

If my family were to "slander" us, or tell my extended family that WE didn't want to see them and that WE were not letting them see their grandson, I would absolutely set the record straight.

But outsmartthesystem, you are absolutely right. The indoctrination runs way too deep.

This is so frustrating.

What do families of the DF'd tell wordly relatives and friends?

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