When you are an EXJW like myself, not yet disfellowshipped or officially D/A'd, any kind of interaction with JWs can be stressful. It's always like, what do I do if I run into someone...insert whatever scenario that would seem an absurd non-issue to normal (worldly) people.
Henceforth, I am just going to be normal. Regardless of what JWs might be near and be stumbled (tm), I will strive to be a normal member of society. If someone tells me "god bless you" after I sneeze, I will respond with a gracious "thank you," even though I believe that to be a stupid stuperstition. If you tell me "Merry Christmas!" I will respond in kind.
I am saying these things because as I've progressed in my apostacy (finally, I have made spirtual progress!), I've found it very distressing to try to deal with JWs I come in contact with without compromising my beliefs that the JW religion is a destructive cult, and has stolen 30 plus years of my life, not to mention caused countless missed opportunities.
One of my latest vexing problems was when an old childhood best JW friend of mine found me on facebook where I associate with almost 100% ex-cult members. The facebook account is under an assumed name, my account is set on the highest privacy settings, although my profile pic is actually me. So she wanted to friend me. I worried about how she could have found me, unless she is lurking on apostate sites, or is friends with someone who lurks on those sites who recognized me.
So I chatted with some exJW buddies about it, got a few different suggestions. Then I texted her and asked how she found me (she didn't answer that), and that I would rather talk to her first, because she probably would not like what she saw on my page. I said I would call her. That was a good month ago, I haven't called yet. She did try to call me after I texted her, but I was not up to having that conversation with her just yet.
I must be clear that this is not a situation where she shunned me for not going to the hall or anything. When I went through my several years long depression and stopped going to the hall, I felt so guilty about being inactive that I just withdrew from all my friends, and family for that matter. I honestly believed that I, being an inactive person (who even then had no desire to go back to the hall) did not really deserve to associate with my JW friends. All I did during that time was go to work and go home to bed. For years.
Now that for the past couple of years my depression has been in remission according to my doctor, I've been more social. I run into my old JW friends occasionally, generally at funerals.
So all that history has made this facebook request a big issue for me. I am not ashamed of being an apostate from the JWs. I am thankful for my freedom. I also expect to be disfellowshipped at any time, because I haven't been all that "discreet" about my apostate activities. I could just see screen prints being made of everything I've said, and being read by JWs in my old congo, and that is what I do not want.
Then the thought just popped into my head. I said "wait a minute, if she wants to be my friend, why doesn't just call me on the phone and invite me to meet her for drinks?" It really is that simple. I've lived in the same area for 15 years. She still lives minutes from me, 15 or so. She doesn't get to catch up on my life (be nosy) through facebook, not giving me any actual time face to face.
So now, I do not feel bad for clicking "not now" on her friend request. I feel bad that I allowed myself to obsess over it for so long.
Anyway, if you actually read all of that, thank you! Happy New Year!!