I hope you enjoy this.
It's a story of a JW facing a judicial committee.
The twist is it's done with quotes from the movie 'Airplane!'
Elder 1 asks the Publisher: Nervous?
Publisher: Yes
Elder 2 asks the Publisher: First time?
Publisher: No. I've been nervous lots of times.
Elder 1: Tell us about the woman you fornicated with.
Publisher: Here's her picture.
Elder 3: No wonder you're poked her! She's lovely! And a darling figure. Supple pouting breasts...firm thighs...it's a shame you two didn't get married first.
Elder 2: Would you like to ask any questions before we go further?
Publisher: When can I see the evidence that you have against me?
Elder 1: I think us elders are probably too busy to waste time showing you any evidence.
Publisher: Awww, geee whiz!!!
Elder 2: I'll tell you what, I'll call the PO and see what I can arrange.
Publisher: Gee, that'd be swell!
Elder 1: We do have two eyewitnesses against you. Their names are Tyrone and Derrick. They come from the worst part of town. They speak 'Jive'. Fortunately, Elder 2 understands and will translate for us. Tell us, Jive Guys 1 and 2. What did you see?
Jive Guy 1: I laid down the law to my homie. Sheeeet, man, that honkey mus' be messin' my old lady! Got to be runnin' col' upside down his head!
Elder 2 Translates: I told my pal, golly, that white fellow should stay away from my wife or I will punch him!
Jive Guy 2: Hey Homes, I can dig it! You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap upon you man!
Elder 2 Translates: Yes, he is wrong for doing that.
Jive Guy 1: I say hey sky, s'other say I won say I pray to J. I get the same ol' same ol.
Elder 2 Translates: I knew a man in a similar predicament and he ended up being sorry.
Jive Guy 2: Knock yourself a pro slick. Gray matter back got perform' us' down I take TCBin, man'.
Elder 2 Translates: Don't be naive, Arthur! Each of us faces a clear moral choice.
Jive Guy 1: You know wha' they say: See a broad to get that bodiac lay'er down an' smack 'em yack 'em.
Elder 2 Translates: Early to bed, early to rise make a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Jive Guy's 1 and 2 say together: Col' got to be! Yo!
Elder 2 Translates: How true!
[blue]Jive Guy 1: Sheeeeeeet!
Elder 2 Translates: Golly!
Elder 1: Thank you, gentleman. You are dismissed.
Elder 3: Have you ever committed fornication before?
Publisher: No sir, I've never even read Playboy before.
Elder 1: You ever...seen a grown man naked?
Publisher: Uh...
Elder 2: Did you ever go to a boys gymnasium and just hang out?
Publisher: No, I...
Elder 3: Do you like movies about gladiators?
Publisher: Do I...?
Elder 2: Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
Publisher: These questions are making me ill!
Elder 3: We've got to get him to the hospital.
Elder 1: A hospital? What is it?
Elder 2: Its a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Elder 1: How soon can we get him to the hospital?
Elder 2: I can't tell.
Elder 1 states rather angrily: You can tell me! I'm an elder TOO!
Elder 2: No! I mean I'm just not sure.
Elder 1: Well, can't you take a guess?
Elder 2: Well, not for another 2 hours.
Elder 3: You can't take a guess for another 2 hours???
Elder 2: No, no, no! I mean we can't take him to a hospital because we still have about (2) hours of questions prepared to ask him.
Publisher: Surely, you can't be serious.
All Three Elders: We ARE serious...and DON'T call us Shirley!
Publisher: Listen! I never committed fornication, those Jive guys were paid off by one of you, and you don't have any other evidence ANYway! Surely there is something you can do!
All Three Elders: We're doing everything we can and stop calling us Shirley!
There is no happy ending here. The questions just go 'round and 'round. The Publisher is eventually DF'd and forever after has a drinking problem (if you know what I mean)!