New Locks on the Door

by TOTH 8 Replies latest jw experiences

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  TOTH

  I have to say that when my father in law asked us for a key to our apartment with the idea of "helping" my sick wife I did not like the idea at all. My wife was all for it though so against my protests she went ahead and gave him one. Well with him behaving more and more like a junkie things have finally come to an ugly head.

  A little background info...

  My wife's dad has been on heavy pain meds for decades now. AND because of my wife's back injuries and severe migraine attacks she is on some strong stuff as well. For a time he would ask her to "help" him get through the month when he ran out of pills and she would help him a little here and there. well as you can imagine this ballooned into a horrific scenario where he would not give back what he borrowed and she after finally listening to me decided she would be doing more harm than good by continuing the cycle.

  He now is given a month supply of meds... 200 dilaudid, 200 fiorinol with codeine, 130 soma, and 150 tramadol. Well he took ALL of those pills in 12 days and he is now back after MONTHS of ot getting anything from my wife. I need help. Why don't you help me? I will be dead soon and you will never be bothered by me again. GUILT and whining and bullsh*t.

  Since last Thursday he has called EVERYDAY after MONTHS of not calling or visiting for any reason. I need you to help me he says and she, being afraid to give him a fatal dose says she has NOTHING. Well, the last sttraw fell on her back yesterday. He lives across the street from us and he saw me and my son drive away. He called her and said he needed her help. AGAIN she gave him the STRETCH out your meds schpeel. he got mad and hung up on her. a few minutes later she heard someone come into the house. she asked who was there and he said it's ME...No knock, no call ahead SAYING he was coming over. Nothing. Just POOF and he appears.

  Well, he was haranguing and demanding that she share. he demanded that we drive 400 miles round trip to a doctor she has not seen in over five years to get HIM some Vicodin. she said she is not even well enough to go and he said to go anyway. She OWES him. About that time my son and I returned home. I thought I was being very cordial, but later my wife told me that I had the look of death on my face. Crap...and I thought I did so well at hiding my anger.

  She could not sleep last night because she was afraid he would just appear. I am afraid that in this state he may slap her to get her pills away from her. When she told me that he barged in unannounced I went through the roof. The management is putting new locks on the door tomorrow. and I am standing fire watch tonight so my darling wife can sleep.

  So sad to see someone condemn me for smoking a little pot act like a full blown junkie. I am preparing for all hell to break loose next time he tries to pass that door...

  A link to my previous post

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/experiences/220630/1/Disobedience-is-very-costly
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  jamiebowers

  If he bangs on the door or tries to break in, call the police. He is an addict and will do anything to get his fix. You'd be doing everyoe a faor if you caled his doctor(s) and reported his addiction.
• 

  TOTH

  Hi Jamie, I already did that last year and th doc upped his meds a little bit and told me he has talked to him many times about pain management and rehab even. He bellows at him that he knows what he needs. It is very frustrating.
• 

  Band on the Run

  I used to have facial neuralgia, considered worse pain than terminal cancer pain. This was before modern pain management centers. When I became ill, the only specialist trained in pain worked at cancer centers. I begged for relief. The comination is startling to me. Opinion. I have no medical training. There are other drugs that are used for cancer and other severe pain. I eventually had a morphine pump inserted into the spine. The difference between oral opiates and drugs w/in the pump are night and day.

  One problem I found is that pain centers seem to split between natural, ineffective remedies and very hard hitting opiates. If you pain, only a small percentage are psychologically addicted. I wonder how he has any pain relief now b/c your brain soon overcomes the action of the drugs. 95% of the people with the illness I mentioned commit suicide. Opiates do not work well for nerve pain.

  After all my personal experience, I am not certain which is the best policy. Ideally, he should get pain relief as a trade off for the addiction but I doubt he still gets pain relief. It is very sad. Pain has me convinced that if there is a God, He never had human form, let alone was crucified.
• 

  tec

  I am glad you got home before anything worse could happen. I'm also glad that you are there for your wife. has to be really hard for her to see clearly though this. Guilt from parents always muddy up the waters.

  Strength to you and your wife,

  Tammy
• 

  TOTH

  @ Tammy...THANKS!

  @ Band On The Run...My father in law is in worse shape now because he is suffering the withdrawls. He has gotten pills off the street before and has pretty much worn out his welcome here and with the other people. I am tending to believe that a good part of this is psychological for one reason. He came over one night a couple of years ago with a MIRACLE pill that someone sold to him. He bought twenty of these pills at the rate of $5.00 per pill. He was smiling and feeling great! He said he had not felt so good in YEARS!! But he had no idea what the pill was. He asked me to see if I could find out by the numbers on it. I called the Walgreens and the Rite Aid asking them to ID the pill and they could not locate a name for any prescription medication. They suggested bringing it in and her dad said for me to just hang up. Well I did a search on a pill index site and I discovered that I had a bottle of these pills in my nightstand. He was ecstatic! He asked if I would give them to him and I said that I would be happy to let him have as many as he wanted. I went to my bedroom and retrieved the bottle. I took out a pill and handed it to him. He confirmed the markings were the same. Then I pulled the bottle out of my pocket. ARTHRITIS STRENGTH TYLENOL!!! You should have seen the look on his face. He went right back to his PAINED and sullen look. And I don't blame him. He spent $100 on 20 Tylenols. At the time he was taking three different strengths of Oxycontin plus several other strong narcotics and muscle relaxants and dishing out almost $400 a month just in co-pays for them. I told him that he was blessed to no longer have to poison his system with narcotics and drain his bank account for them.

  He never wants to talk about that when I remind him.
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  finally awake

  I'm glad you are getting new locks. Addiction is a tough thing to beat, especially if it sprang from a genuine need for pain relief.
• 

  zzaphod

  Firstly, I am not a doctor, but I do work with people with various addiction problems, and the associated practical difficulties that this causes.

  For your and your wifes piece of mind; I have been on Morphine medication myself for a couple of years for widespread Arthritis and other problems, I know how easy it is to abuse these meds, (even though I was not seeking to be in any way "high", just pain free) believe me I`ve been there!

  Firstly, although Morphine Withdrawals are very unpleasent and quite protracted, they are considered to be less dangerous than alcohol/benzodiazepine withdrawals, that`s not to say they are not entirely safe to go through, especially if your Dad has any heart, or blood pressure problems, -

  ****One should never go through withdrawals without medical advice and support.*****

  I don`t know how Doctors work in the US but here, I was able to explain to my doctor that I was having trouble making my script last, as it is easy to take "just another" especially if someone is in pain.

  My doctor aranged for my CDs (controlled drugs) to be prescribed weekly, I find this much easier to manage, as you aren`t tempted as much, as you don`t start the month with 100`s of tablets.

  I`d especially suggest that he trys to get his prescription in the sustained release versions, then he will experience a lot less of the ups and downs associated with opiate abuse.

  If this isn`t possible, then he could try dividing his script into daily doses, there are various containers available, that have the day/time marked on them, and try to stick to this.

  As a more drastic measure ask him to hand over his meds at the begining of the month and give them to him on a daily/weekly basis, this unfortunately puts rather a lot of pressure on you and your family, as someone with an addiction problem can be very persuasive/devious/ even nasty when they run out.

  If all this fails, then I would ask to see his doctor yourself, ask his/her opinion, and if he/she advises a Detox programme, then that will be the way to go.

  This problem can be sorted if your Dad wants to sort it, if not, then I`m afraid a bit of tough love is in order.

  Eventually, when your Dad get`s to grips with his problem, he will thank you for being strong and doing the right thing (whatever that may be).

  I hope for all your sakes that you find an answer to this problem, as what your dad is doing at the moment is hurting everyone, not least himself.

  All the best

  Paul UK

  P.S I would strongly advise him to stay away from any "street drug, he doesn`t know what he`s getting, and getting ripped off for (as the Tylenol example (Paracetamol in the UK showed), or who or what he his funding, even indirectly and unintentionally. A dealer is never your friend!
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  TOTH

  @ finally awake...Thanks, yes it is and he did NEED the meds because of a severe injury.

  @ Paul...I appreciate your insights and suggestions. Thanks!