Readjusting Your View of "Wordly" People

by What Now? 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  What Now?

  As I’m sure it is with most of us that were raised in the religion, our contact with “wordly” people was kept to a minimum.

  My parents moved away from their non Witness family, to a city about half an hour away. While they would formerly get together frequently for holidays and birthdays, once my parents became Witnesses we would see my grandparents maybe once a month, and my extended family only at weddings and funerals.

  When I was in school, I was never allowed to hang out with my friends after school hours. I wasn’t allowed to give my phone number to anyone, and doing any type of group project that required work outside of school was difficult. I can recall only one occasion where I was allowed to go to a friends house after school to work on a project, and it took a lot of persuasion.

  So I graduated high school without any “real” friends that were not Witnesses and have since lost contact with those that I did get along with.

  Even once I got a job, the concept of “worldly” people being bad association was so ingrained in my mind that I never made any friends at work either. Sure we got along and were friendly enough while at work, but that never continued once the work day was over.

  You all know how it is in the religion. People who don’t love Jehovah should only be acquaintances, not friends. Sure, a person maybe be good and moral, but will they encourage you to serve Jehovah better? I was essentially raised to believe that all non Witnesses are immoral and untrustworthy. They all smoke and drink and use obscene language and sleep around and cheat on their spouses and get divorced and abuse their children and would steal from you and cheat you if they had the chance (Mind you, I know some Witnesses who are like that - and worse! But that's another thread ...)

  Even now, as I slowly free myself mentally from this religion, I have difficulty readjusting this mindset. I’m hesitant to make friends with so called worldly ones, to be honest, I don’t even know where to begin. As a Witness you can essentially walk unannounced into a new hall and find yourself with instant friends. And I do, for the most part, value the morals that Witnesses are raised with – those are the type of things I would want in my friends. I am trying so hard to just see everyone as GOOD and then go from there, but it’s tough. In a perfect world, we would have all the same friends we have now, just without the Witness doctrine and practices J

  I know that to completely free myself from the organization, I would need something to fall back on. I don’t think I could emotionally handle the immediate loss of family and friends without something else to fill the void.

  Did any of you find yourselves in a similar situation? What did you do?
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  Matsimus

  Don't stop trying :) Eventually you will have wordly friends and see that you don't have to be a JW in order to be a great person. We all have flaws, even JWs.
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  Phizzy

  Why not learn to be tolerant of different views and standards ? If you moved to a very different culture from that of your birth, you would have to get used to a lot of strange new things about the way people thought, acted and even ate.

  That is not too difficult if we are not fixated on the idea that our way is best.

  I have found people who have never been a JW , what I call "normal people", to be not that different in culture, they are for the most part honest, kind and helpful, and trustworthy, O.K you are going to get the odd exception.

  Some do not hold to exactly the same standards as me, I have a friend who has a mistress for example, I do not "approve", but he does not need to know that, his way is his way, it is not for me, but we are good friends.

  If we get rid of the old JW judgemental attitude first, it makes it easier to build friendships.
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  Ding

  Recognize that the "we are moral / everyone else is immoral" mindset was programmed by the WTS.

  It's no more reliable than the WTS' prophecies.

  Sure, there are some bad people "out there" but -- as you noted -- there are bad people hiding behind the smiles at the KH too.

  Remember that it was the Pharisees who thought they were too good to associate with ordinary people.

  Jesus was the "friend of publicans and sinners."

  That doesn't mean that he adopted the moral code of whomever he happened to be with.

  The point is that you can be true to yourself and still associate with people who don't believe the same as you or share your moral code.

  If you find that some people really are a bad association for you in that they are dragging you down in some way that you can't handle, then stop associating with them.
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  Found Sheep

  It took me a while to lighten up. I'm quite social now but it took time. Now I see people for who they are. I don't look down on others with different views. Some people are good, most I have found. Some are just not so good. No religion can fix them. If they were to become a JW they would still be not so good
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  flipper

  WHAT NOW- It's normal to feel that way after newly exiting the Witnesses. One thing that helped me to REALLY see how we were all mind controlled to view non-Witnesses in a negative way was rading Steve Hassan's two books " Combatting Cult Mind Control " & " Releasing the Bonds- Empowering People to Think For Themselves " . Those two books helped me to see that as JW's we were all CONDITIONED to view non-Witnesses negatively. In actual truth- there are a lot more lovely non-Witness people than there are Witness people. Hang in there- it takes time to meet people. But educate yourself along the way on what makes you feel this way, then you'll recover
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  jamiebowers

  You need to look at the whole of a person and not just dimensions of their personalities. Just because a person drinks, smokes and/or swears, that doesn't make him/her a bad person. Is the person compassionate, considerate, friendly, and kind? Those are the things you should be looking for in a friend, and those are the things that you should have to be a friend.
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  maksym

  My advice would be to start by not using the term "worldly" in the context of anyone that is not a Jehovah's Witness.

  This kind of psychological thinking tends to put your mind in the, "in" group "out" group setting or "them" and "us". Paint a broader picture and treat each person individually. Choose people that have the same morals and ethics that you uphold and admire rather than upholding to a particular theology.

  Also the term "worldy" comes with a bit of a connotation of judgement. Worldly in the Biblical sense means people that are not following Christ and have been taken over by the vain philosophies and passions rather than Christian virtues. There are therefore "worldly" people in all religions. Some Jehovah's witnesses are very worldly.

  Redefine the word as to it having a more precise meaning other than, any human being not baptized in the Watchtower Corporation and calling themselves a Jehovah's Witness.

  Gradually gain new friends and you will eventually replace those that are conditional in the Watchtower. When you reach a level of security you can say goodbye to all those that treat you on a conditional level.

  Be trusting and cautious. You will have ups and downs. I chose this route and have replaced everyone I knew in the Watchtower Corporation with 10 times as many friends. I couldn't be happier and more secure. I also found that many outside the WT walls are great individuals that love me dearly and are very much respected.

  Also rather than look at external things such as drinking and smoking look at a persons heart condition.

  Peace

  Maksym
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  WTWizard

  There are bad people right in the Kingdumb Hell. Friends? What if you openly question the latest "a generation" rubbish? How fast will your "friends(??)" disappear?

  Many people in the Kingdumb Hell also make things miserable. They order you to conform to strict codes. Your shirt isn't the right color, your tie is a little off color, something is a little too short or too long, and you will hear about it. Or, if you need to go in from field circus early, you will never hear the end unless you stay out anyways (and sometimes they will keep you out anyways). They push you to pious-sneer, become a missionary for the witlesses, go to Beth Hell instead of a real job, become a hounder (men only), join the Value Destroyer Training School or some other rubbish "school(??)", and to throw away things you enjoy. Friends?

  And, some witlesses will not hesitate to steal from you. I remember one of them that was taken advantage of, ripped off for 5,000 toilet papers, and then got reproved while the pig that ripped him off got zilch (not even a private reproof). Others will not hesitate to take your children, usually during hounding calls, and get it one hounder and one child. At which point, the child gets raped and then silenced under threat of getting disfellowshipped for "slander". Some will not hesitate to continually take advantage of you--especially with free treats while out in field circus or ripping you off by charging for rides to and from the Kingdumb Hell when they live something like 100 meters away.

  Worldly people are no more likely to lie or steal from you than witlesses. True, some worldly people smoke--but, aside the second hand smoke (which can drift hundreds of meters), what is wrong with that? Just because you smoke doesn't mean I am going to start. Drinking? Aside that some witlesses drink (and some drink-drive), your drinking doesn't affect me one bit (as long as you don't drink-drive). And I can think of things that are a bit worse than swearing--such as claiming that there are no major problems with a religion when they are widespread. Or, trying to set me up to go on missionary work in Nigeria or go to Beth Hell, when in fact I don't want to go to either place.