I would hear this so often, especially from ubber JWs.
The weird thing was when I was with them at the door when that so called 'great discussion' took place, I knew it was 'great' only in the mind of the JW. They can't seem to correctly assess the house holders reaction/response to their stupid religious cult message.
Below is a great example of one of these "great discussion' that only happened in the mind of the JW.
I bet he returned because he placed a book . . . dumbass
Do the Pajama Shuffle, Then Look Embarrassed When It’s Not Just the Postman
Tra, la la. Shuffle about in your pajamas all morning, enjoying a Saturday of nothing. Switch on the ol’ PS2 for some good old-fashioned vintage gaming, because you’re a little bit nerdy like that. And finish off that huge bag of cheesy doritos, because it is Saturday, and you feel like stuffing your face. Mmm, crunchy.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. For a moment, you think, “Ahh to hell with it, I’m in my goddamn pajamas.” Nothing on pterodactyl’s earth will move you from the insanely comfortable spot you’ve made in front of the TV. However, suddenly you remember Boyfriend specifically instructing you to answer the door, because his Mum has ordered something for him on Amazon and you may need to sign for it since he’s working today. With a grudging sigh (and crunching as you remove yourself from a doritos-encrusted bed), you shuffle to the door.
Opening it, bleary-eyed (and crumb-faced), you expect to see the postman, or a similarly-occupied person with some kind of wee navy-blue jacket on, indicating their working position. Instead, a guy with grey hair and a dark suit is standing there, smiling. Then, his expression drops for a moment, faltering at the sight of you, a short woman with bed-hair (and possibly crumb-faced), swamped by a giant red hoodie and shuffling around in tartan pajama bottoms.
“H-Hello,” he begins awkwardly, clearly horrified by the sight before him. “Are you… alright?”
Sighing inwardly and then smiling politely, you nod and mumble something about having a late night, even though that’s a lie, and you’re actually just being a lazy bastard.
“Well,” he continues on, suddenly merry again. “I’m actually handing out free magazines…. I’m a Jehovah’s witness you see, and these magazines are about creationism.” He’s grinning all confidently now, or perhaps he’s just laughing at the sight of your spectacularly stupid hairstyle at the moment. He thrusts a wee booklet entitled, Was Life Created? under your nose. Right now you’re thinking, “Yes, you moron, it was created over billions of years. Go buy the New Scientist or something if you are in doubt over fossils.”
Instead, however, since being rude isn’t really your schtick, you smile politely again. “Oh, really,” you interject, as he talks a little bit about what is in the magazine. You take it from him and stare dubiously at the cover, which is a picture of some palm-trees and then an under-the-ocean-view, both of which has been formed/been around for billions of years or whatever. Once you begin to wonder where the hell the postman has gone and think about telling this guy you’re not interested, suddenly a thought comes to mind. Jehovah’s Witnesses are all about suffering, so surely telling them to get lost at the door is just going to make them feel like they’ve achieved more godliness-points. Instead, you think, I’ll continue being polite so this guy can’t whine about stuff and feel all smug.
“Are you religious?” Mr Jehovah’s Witness asks all of a sudden. Yes, I’m a Satanist, now excuse me while I go sacrifice a possum, or whatever.
“Uh, my father’s a minister….so….” you mumble, vaguely explaining how you know both sides of the argument, and in an even quieter voice how you don’t really believe that stuff anyway. Either having not heard you, or, even more likely, ignoring you, he cheerfully concludes that you must have a bible in your flat.
“Atheists believe there was a big bang-” (he waves his hands around for suitable emphasis) “-and that all life was suddenly created over many years.” Before you can ask if it’s more likely that everything suddenly just sprang to life, fully-formed, a few thousand years ago, he says, “the bible holds the truth.” then, he suddenly pauses, and grudgingly adds, “at least, that’s what I believe…”
“Imagine you have a tray, and you put eggs, raisins, flour, sugar… blah blah blah-” (you’ve actually started tuning out now, because you’re trying not laugh in his face) “- what could you make with that?”
Suddenly brought back from your own private joke with yourself, you stammer, “Uh, well pretty much anything you could bake involves-”
“RIGHT! A cake!” he says triumphantly, waving his hands around again. “But if you throw all those ingredients in the air, you WON’T suddenly get a cake, will you???”
Uh, well if you did it really slowly, and eventually added an oven to bake it with, then yes, you would get a cake, you retard. But obviously, this minor detail has been ignored when coming up with this analogy. Instead you shrug and say, “I guess,” because, yes, you certainly won’t get a cake by randomly throwing things towards the ceiling.
Mr Jehovah’s Witness goes on, “If you want to build a bike, you can’t just get all the parts, put them in a bath, get a wooden spoon and mix them around. THAT won’t give you a bike, will it?”
No, because the parts of a bike are man-made anyway, so this is another stupid analogy, and anyway, why a wooden spoon? And a bath? Who the fuck builds a bike in the bath?? Just as you are starting to worry you’re going to be stuck talking to this weirdo instead of enjoying videogames all day, he smiles satisfactorily and says, “right. It won’t make a bike. And even though it’s a little different from the world, it’s a comparison a lot of people can understand easier.” I assume he’s been trying to explain this to people who have just awoken from electric shock therapy, lobotomies or indeed having half their brains removed.
“It’s been nice talking to someone about this, normally people aren’t interested,” he says after like 10 minutes, genuinely looking grateful despite minimal words exchanged on your part. “Please read this magazine and perhaps you will learn something more.” he bids you farewell and you close the door, promptly starting to giggle to yourself because this guy was insane.
So, let’s look at this book, shall we?
“Will you trust the claims of those who say that there is no intelligent Creator and that the Bible is unreliable?” (yes.) ” Or will you examine what the Bible actually says?” (I have done that, actually.) “Which teachings are worthy of your trust, your faith: those of the Bible or those of evolutionists? (hebrews 11:1)” (um, evolutionists.) ‘Why not review the facts?” (I have, and the facts have led me to the fucking evolutionists, you stupid-head.)
Why not indeed??? Well, because it’s moronic. But whatever. Tune in soon for a hilarious analysis of the creationist magazine.
