I'm not sure my wife will ever understand me

Star tiger

Hi,

Since leaving the witness mentality, I've coming onto the JW.net forum trying to work through ideas and indoctrination of the cult, she will never understand the lack of birthdays and christmas and all the brain washing that has occured during my formative years, she is a wonderful woman who did not have a religious upbringing and is totally up for new ideas, however she finds it a problem that I cannot leave it in the past.

I wish I had a reset button to immediately forget all the stupid ideas that I was brought up with, I'm glad I read crisis of conscience and after that the Age of Reason.

I still have programs that are running subconsciously that are affecting me, the what if's and the fact that if I rely on my on understanding prove wrong!

Any tips on how to get out of this bad JW mindset!

Best Regards,

Star Tiger

Scully

Give yourself some time. Perhaps you just need to gradually acclimate to new things like birthdays and holidays before you can really start enjoying them.

It's kind of like trying a new style of food - you may need to acquire a taste for certain flavors or be exposed to it several times before you start enjoying it.

talesin

I found the first oh, decade, hard that way.

It does take time, and enjoying others' birthdays, going with the flow at Xmas time (ie, just enjoying the food, happy moods, without thinking too much about the religious aspect), helped me begin to feel that it's okay to ENJOY LIFE! It is NOT wrong to enjoy living in the moment -- really, it's all we have.

My friends found it easier to understand when I explained the isolation of being a JW child. No friends from school, being 'different'. Perhaps you can ask for her patience, after having a bit of a chat, and on your part, try not to 'always' bring it up (yes, I know how marriage works,, that word 'always' gets overused).

Don't let it be a cloud hanging over your lives -- if you can learn to 'compartmentalize' those feelings (ie, put them aside in the routine of everyday living, and bring them out when they need to be considered/mulled over), it may help.

You'll get it, ST,,, promise!

tal

Lozhasleft

I agree...it's a journey and it takes time. I don't think it will ever go away completely for any of us. The WTBS leaves scars. When I celebrated my first birthday and my hubby's family made such a fuss of me it made me cry. It was only then I realised what the org took away from our whole family's life.

As for your wife why not suggest that she joins this forum? In that way she'll be able to understand more clearly perhaps?

Loz x

DesirousOfChange

Re: I'm not sure my wife will ever understand me.

I'm not sure I've ever understand myself and the conflicting emotions, etc.

I agree...it's a journey and it takes time.

I'm afraid I'm seeing it as a journey of a lifetime (at least the rest of my lifetime).

Doc

transhuman68

Christmas and birthdays etc. - all the good things we missed out on aren't such a big deal IMO- you can fake it, or take them or leave them. But now I’m thinking that regardless of how long someone is a Witness or what position they attain in the organization; basic theology is never taught or learnt. After living with the threat of Armageddon for so long, and the Jehovah bogeyman in our heads, a proper debriefing or deprogramming may be required. I’d really recommend reading any books by real Bible scholars, just to help understand how mislead we really were.