Here Goes

by KissAFish 7 Replies latest jw experiences

KissAFish

Here goes...I left the JWs, nearly 10 years ago..I was 16 when my hand was helped along by firstly getting kicked out my Parents home, (My Dad had been an elder but was stood down for various family issues..me being one...and my Mum was a ferocious terrier of a doorknocker..) Anyway, I as a child was conditioned to please...as all JWs are, and thought Id give it another go, so went to live with my sister and her family ( JWs too)... Lasted a year before I got into"worldly hands", and My sister kicked me out... So, I went to share with my Brother ( at least he wasnt a JW now, my parents threw him out too)..and got to hear from my dad that Mum was dying of cancer, she was terminal...My brother and i grappled with feelings as we still wanted to see our parents and yet constantly had this cloud of ..you not being a JW are killing your Mother..and My Mum would beg us to come back to the "truth" so we would "live forever", this was my only ever hesitation in leaving the "organization"..and the emotional blackmail that was laid on was enormous....I managed to sit with my Mum during all of her chemo treatments( something my 2 JW sisters NEVER did) and she would constantly beg me to come back..I held my ground though it hurt to see she truly thought I was evil and would die at Armageddon..My brother bore and still does the worst of this guilt..I managed to hold my ground even after my mum died an excruciatingly painful death and my Dad publicly disowned my brother and I...I went to counselling and was told how well i had coped... so i went on to study and meet a great guy..marry him..A CATHOLIC!!! (WG)...But, listening to my Brother, just recently... after he went on JW sites.( he feels he has to have answers to all of it..). 1975 theory etc.... I thought Id take a closer look..When I read these sites it almosts seems as if my JW days are surreal..as it does feel so foreign but at the same time so familiar..I left in 1993,and have obviously missed so much as I was only ever a child in the Org...so it is a strange feeling to come on here and see such strong reactions and to see how differently everyone has come out and gotten on with life..I feel extremely wet behind the ears..but when I saw YK's arrogance and readiness to dismiss all logical queries..( I couldn't come up with any though..) I felt like ripping his JW smut to pieces... It sort of made me realise that although some may not be aware of how the whole "JW" thing can affect them, like me...it still does..........One thing I do know that bugs me, and I have never found out so I have to ask.. is...I just drifted away.. wouldnt go to the "meetings" elders set up..so what tecnically am I...? I never really gave it thought at the time.. I just up and left and have had no contact with anyone JW...My sisters though do have limited contact with us..But I limit from my side too, as I know they never fully except me or my children due to their Organization's policies...so , considering it is 2:21am..I have no real idea what point I am trying to make..LOL .I have no qualms about having left..no doubts just wondering If I went away too easy...should have disassociated..But I was never passionate about being a JW..Maybe that is why I dont feel the same need as my brother to prove it wrong etc.. oooh well hope this has made some sense...(???)
Oooh and does anyone here have a Mac with MAC OS X..and are able to get into live chat, I cant get in..just wondering if there is an incompatibility ..(??) i have a blank page once logged in...(???)
Cheers...
"7/5th of all people do not understand fractions."
Gopher

KAF,
Welcome to our humble abode! I read your account and it seems you see things quite clearly. You didn't "give in" to the guilt trips that could have happened when your mom was ill and dying. You were there for her, where were the people whose organization supposedly is the "only loving brotherhood" on the planet?
And as far as fading away, don't worry... you did it beautifully!! No need to DA yourself as long as you got away. Your circumstances (and perhaps because you didn't get in too deep) have led to a more graceful exit from the "BORG" then most people are able to make. Count your blessings and move on!!
You made your points quite well, and hope you continue to share your thoughts occasionally on this forum.
Your quote about fractions is funny.... But it also applies to JW's... and their confusing teachings about allowable "blood fractions" that they can take. Their whole blood doctrine has become a mess since they allowed fractions. (Sorry, went off on a tangent there.)
J.R.Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)
ZazuWitts

KissAFish,
Welcome, and cute name BTW.
Although I'm much older than you, I too got the 'guilt trip' ploy by my own mother when she was terminal with ALS. I was kind to her verbally, but did not buy into the guilt. After her tragic death, I learned directly from my elder stepdad, that she had been carrying on an affair for all the years she was a JW, with an ex-brother-in-law. Imagine that!
Good to have you here - looking forward to future posts from you.
teejay

Hello KissAFish and Welcome!
Sorry to hear about your Mom and the guilt trip that was laid on you for being true to your conscience. Hope your Dad comes around.
As you can see since you've been here, there's so many varied exit stories... so many ways and methods we have used to leave the Organization. The "slow fade," as you have done, is the technique I used, although since my wife is still quite loyal and active and takes my two-year old to the meetings, I can see going back at some future point, but only to help my daughter.
I may be wrong about this, but I'd say that technically your official status in the Organization is simply "Inactive." Then again, you speak of a meeting they had set up for you that you walked out on, so who knows what resulted from that. If it bothers you, you can always get in touch with your Dad and have him check your official status. Since your sisters have some contact with you, though, I'd say that you haven't been df'd in absentia.
You asked whether or not you should have disassociated. Personally, I think little is accomplished when people do that only because it shows that they still accept the authority of the WTS and see a need to play by its rules. Unless you have a huge chip on your shoulder and want to have the last word, fading out is the way to go, imo.
As far as chat, I have problems with chat, also. Netscape 6.2 is my browser and going in to chat results in a lot of unreadable gobbledy-gook on the screen. I also use Windows 98. To see anything, I use an older version of Netscape (4.7, I think) and that works, but even then, the first page I see is blank. Hitting the F5 key or "refresh"/"reload" usually works. You might try that.
Peace,
tj
Beans

Dear Kissafish:
I also left when I was 16 (1984) and never looked back,didn`t dissassociated myself no letter just stopped going!Most people here left after reading the many books and web sites,well I didn`t know of any of that back then and am now reading all of this and it is so unbelievable!My thirst for this information is now endless and really has given me all the answers I have always wanted to know.
I knew then I made the right chioce and now I can support my decission with all this material.
Beans
zugzzwan

kissafish,
I would say that you are luck to have gotten away. I am sorry about your ordeal with your mother. I too finally made the break with the "blacktower" when my mother died. I had stayed with this ridiculous bunch of mind control crap due to the "guilt" imposed on me by my mother......."how can you break your mothers heart like this", "it just breaks my heart to see one of my children turn their backs on Jehovah", etc, etc, etc. As far as status goes, stay away from them, don't meet with them and don't ever set foot in another dingdonghall.
KissAFish

Thanks alot for your comments, help and welcome guys... I thought I wouldn't post my WHOLE life story... I wouldnt be that cruel....(LOL) But am glad I managed to make a point..( somewhere..??)...I was supposed to be DF..I had some kind of meeting that was set up...but I was (until only now researching).. still in the dark , I had no real idea... except that after my Brother attended one..and my then boyfriend and they were asked very personal questions about their sex lives..so they both answered as 19 yr olds would..and left..I never got to that point.. so maybe that helped, not too sure... But reading all the accounts and comments on here, I feel as if I got off relatively easy...and as for asking my Dad my status, although a great suggestion.. for a normal Dad..my Dad's last words to me were.."I find what you did, Disgusting and Unforgivable..you are not my daughter".. so he wont be much help..I ask my sisters carefully.. as any outright questions about JWs causes them to say they are being ridiculed.( I guess that is why I outburst @YK,.pent up non answered BS) So,I better just accept that I did get out and all is ok...Have a great day all.....
and I had to do this one now.. I just havent found a signature...AHHHH
"43% of all statistics are worthless. "
KissAFish

Thanks alot for your comments, help and welcome guys... I thought I wouldn't post my WHOLE life story... I wouldnt be that cruel....(LOL) But am glad I managed to make a point..( somewhere..??)...I was supposed to be DF..I had some kind of meeting that was set up...but I was (until only now researching).. still in the dark , I had no real idea... except that after my Brother attended one..and my then boyfriend and they were asked very personal questions about their sex lives..so they both answered as 19 yr olds would..and left..I never got to that point.. so maybe that helped, not too sure... But reading all the accounts and comments on here, I feel as if I got off relatively easy...and as for asking my Dad my status, although a great suggestion.. for a normal Dad..my Dad's last words to me were.."I find what you did, Disgusting and Unforgivable..you are not my daughter".. so he wont be much help..I ask my sisters carefully.. as any outright questions about JWs causes them to say they are being ridiculed.( I guess that is why I outburst @YK,.pent up non answered BS) So,I better just accept that I did get out and all is ok...Have a great day all.....
and I had to do this one now.. I just havent found a signature...AHHHH
"43% of all statistics are worthless. "

Here Goes

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