Bad Parenting Advice Rule 76- Dump your kids on other people

by skeeter1 4 Replies latest social family

• 

  skeeter1

  RANTING...

  So, it's Spring Break. I have two kids, with about 5 years between them. I took the week off, to spend some time with the kids. BOTH of my neighbors with kids the oldest one's age, decide to TRY to dump their kids on me!

  The first neighbor, single mother, says, "Oh, I have a new project. I've never left (girl) alone, but I have to. Would you mind if she had your phone number? Could you check in with her? Oh, you know how much your and my kid like to play, and my kid isn'ta problem . . . . " This same neighbor stiffed our neighborhood piano teacher last week. No, the neighbor isn't poor by any means. I had a good excuse why our house couldn't watch her kid the first day. We were going on a mini-day family vacation and the girl could not go do to the tour being booked. Like magic, the neighbor then paid another neighbor to watch the girl for the week! Problem #1 solved! Got to outsmart these other parents!

  The second neighbor, single mother, says, "Oh, I have to go show homes and have alot of clients. Can my child play with your oldest child for 2 hours?" Well, 2 hours has turned into a sleepover for 3 of the past 5 days with non-stop play during each of the 5 nights! (except for the day when we went on a tour and I wasn't taking anyone else). Last night the second neighbor stops by and I was completely frustrated as the 3 kids were fighting/bickering for the past few hours. I saiid, "I've had enough of the kids. Two is company, three is a crowd. The three are bickering non-stop while you were gone. Take both your and my kid for the night" Thankfully, she did.

  I wanted to take the kids to the roller rink, take the kids to the beach, take the kids to the water park, etc. But, I have to "do it" with the other kids in tow? That's not fair to me! And, of course, the other parents can't be bothered to offer to take thier kids or to go along with me!

  This is why I have to put my kids in summer camp. If I don't, I am the neighbor who gets ALL the other kids in the neighborhood. And, it doesn't last for a day . . . it turns into 24/7. I've tried to put my foot down, but like roaches, they keep coming back.

  Last night I had peace. My little one was so worn out, he was asleep by 7:00. He's still asleep! The oldest was over at neighbor #2. AHHHHHH!

  Any advice? Is getting dumped on part of my JW-raised personality? Am I setting myself up to be a martyr, and then complaining when I get trampled on?

  Anwyay, I foudn this other website on "really bad parenting"! it actually gives bad parents advice . . .

  http://www.reallybadparentingadvice.com/rule-76-dump-your-kids-on-other-parents/

  Rule #76: Dump Your Kids on Other Parents

  July 15, 2010 By Father Knows Worst 1 Comment

  So wait, how long did your parents say they'd be out of town?

  S o, you have this sweet opportunity to attend a semi-nude Renaissance Festival in upstate New York where a couple of dudes from Phish (including the back-up drummer) are playing on Saturday night.

  The tickets are cheap, the timing is right (the kids are only playing four soccer games on Saturday instead of six), and you can almost smell the booze/urine/body odor cocktail you’ll be inhaling all weekend.

  Only problem: What to do with your children?

  They’ve worn out their welcome with the in-laws, especially after the unfortunate incident with the nacho cheese and the Citronella candle. Which means that your best option is to dump your children on other unsuspecting parents.

  It’s not as hard as it sounds. In fact, with a little bravado, it’s pretty damn easy.

  However, the art of short-term dumping shouldn’t be taken lightly, as it requires the skills of a break-up artist combined with the nuanced, preachy love of Dr. Phil after several Red Bulls.

  These two approaches never fail:

  The can-you-drive-my-kid-home-from-a-game routine: It’s fairly simple, as long as you can try not to look your friend Pete in the eyes.

  “Hey, Pete, man, I need a favor. I have somewhere to go tomorrow, so would you give Brandon a ride home from his soccer game? Better yet, can he just hang out with you guys after the game for a few hours? Actually, make that something like eight hours. Well, come to think of it—maybe 48 hours. Did I say 48? I meant 72. Pete, man, I really appreciate this. Here’s five bucks to keep him fed while you have him. You can just give me the change when I get back.”

  The extended sleepover routine: Another easy one.

  “Hey, Brenda, listen…would it be OK if Jenny sleeps over at your house tonight? She said that she and your little Monica already kind of planned it in school today. Oh, really? Monica has mono and head lice and hasn’t been at school for a week? That’s odd. I wonder why Jenny would lie to me? Anyway, it’s no big deal if Jenny is exposed to mono and lice—I mean, she’s gotta catch that shit sometime, right? I’ll bring her over now…and, um, it would be great to build up her immunity, I’ll just have her hang out with you guys all weekend, cool?”

  And just like that, you’re on a cheap shuttle to Albany, where pretend pirates and peasant wenches wear nothing but pantaloons as they jig to the exotic staccato of a drummer who dumped his kids at his parents’ house.
• 

  finally awake

  we have a similar problem. we have 3 kids, and we've got a really nice swingset/play structure and lots of toys. Our house is a kid magnet for all the neighborhood kids whose parents let them run free. The ones who spend the most time at our house are the ones whose parents don't know us, and I find that a little disturbing. Our kids have been homeschooled from the start, so half the time *they* don't know these kids either. It's really hard to get rid of some kids - they just don't seem to understand "go home". Last night, one little boy who just turned 6 a couple of weeks ago was over. I sent him home when it was time for my kids to eat dinner before heading to their boy scout meeting. He came back twice before we finished, and he still managed to forget his school bag.
• 

  skeeter1

  I know how you feel about dinner time. The other kids invade your dinner!

  I had one family set (I called them the "Cat in the Hat brood"). They were a tornado when they came in. One of them was particularly sly. When I was making dinner, she'd say, "Oooooooohhhhh, that smells soooooo goooooood! What are youuuuuu making?" Hint, hint, hint....so, I felt obligated to give her some! And, she was part of 4 kids, so then all of them wanted dinner. (These kids were all porky, so they were being fed at home). After about 5 times feeding this family (in addition to mine), I told them that they needed to eat dinner at home. Before I started making dinner, I had to kick them out of the house. Try to cook a steak, lobster, or grill a chicken with them around, impossible. Like bulldogs salivating over a pork chop. Oh, and sly girl would also return over & over & over again. Each time, forgetting something and commenting on the food. One time, she got real nasty because I had let another girl stay because her mom was on the way home from the doctor. Thankfully, the "Cat in the Hat" group moved to another neighborhood!

  I know how you feel about the swing set. I don't have a swing set in my yard. Rather, we have a pool, with waterfalls and a jacuzzi. The kids all want to come and swim EVERY day during the summer. They have to be constantly watched. They try to climb the rocks, jump in wrong, etc. Then, they EXPECT to be fed lunch, snacks, drinks, etc. They will turn their noses up if I give them peanut butter. My oldest will ask I order pizza (one of these kids putting her up to it! This sumemr, if and when I allow anyone over . . . I am telling their parents to come too to watch over the brood. And, everyone needs to bring their own towel, sun lotion, AND pack their own lunch.

  I live near the neighborhood park. Every darn night at 5:00, one boy "drops by". His mother is at the park and they want all of us to come play. I like the mother, but it's always when we're making dinner, eating dinner, getting ready to go to baseball practice, etc.

  Worst, is when the brood of kids leave, the bathrooms, floors and bedrooms are dirty. Even if I make them clean up, the whole house needs cleaned.

  So, this morning I am cleaning the house. Oh, and neighbor #2 is playing tennis at the courts right now. Guess my kid is alone in her house (at least she's mature and old enough to be alone).
• 

  skeeter1

  Rule #20: Use God to Make Your Kids Paranoid

  December 28, 2008 By Father Knows Worst 9 Comments

  Kids not coming when you call them in for dinner? You know where to go for help.

  I t’s easy to hit a brick wall when disciplining children. No matter what approach we take—whether it’s verbal coddling or threatening to take away important things like food and water—our words sometimes fall flat, and our children continue their rotten behavior.

  Which is why you should threaten the use of the Almighty Hammer. That’s right, using God’s wrath as a threat to your children – especially in trivial situations – can be the extra ammo you need in your battle against your child’s general incompetence and lack of social graces.

  It’s His Name, So Go Ahead and Wear It Out

  Getting your child to believe that God brims with mystery, unpredictability, and the rage of a husky car salesman trying to give up smokes can be a powerplay that you can use to your advantage. Here are some simple ways you can keep your kids in check and foment the type of paranoia that only teams of therapists can untangle 20 years from now:

  Mention that God is watching…always…like a mall security guard.

  There’s nothing that will scare your child more than telling them there is an “old man” in the “sky” watching him. The more vague you can be, the more powerful the effect. This will get your child to reconsider behavior like wiping boogers on the wall in the bathroom and peeing on the toilet seat. In fact, you can probably rest assured your child won’t ever even go into the bathroom again.

  Tell your kids that God only likes classic rock, and mostly the Eagles.

  Maybe you don’t “get” young-people’s music, and your musical tastes don’t veer all that wildly these days. So you don’t want your kids getting into rap, metal, rap-metal, or, worse yet, show tunes—which is the gateway to acting classes and other oddball behavior.

  Insist that God would never wear a mini-skirt or expose his bellybutton.

  Worried about your teenage daughter going out looking like she’s on a lunch break from the brothel? Use a “What Would Jesus Wear?” approach to counseling her. Encourage her to incorporate long, flowing robes and other loose-fitting, shapeless clothing into her wardrobe.

  Point out that too much inappropriate touching will force God’s hand.

  Teenage boys treat their bodies like a sexual Cirque du Soleil. To stave off your son’s inevitable distractions, tell him that any form of, um, self-gratification will lead to God unleashing packs of crotch-gnarling badgers on the male teenage population without warning. It’s like the apocalypse, only more damaging to high school dating and future prospects of fatherhood.
• 

  skeeter1

  Must read the comment!

  Rule #90: Make Your Kids Share Their Birthday

  November 3, 2010 By Father Knows Worst 3 Comments

  Wish for something good! And make sure it can easily be divided into three pieces!

  L ittle Josh turns 5 today.

  It’s a bit of a watershed. But honestly, it seems like everything in your children’s lives are watersheds, and you’re pretty damned tired of it.

  The birthday expectations, the planning, the execution—it’s enough to make you want to ban the celebration all together.
  
  After all, for the past decade or so, you’ve had to share your birthday with, in no particular order: your husband’s softball team, a bipolar cousin from Toledo, the director of outside sales for a window manufacturer, and a woman named Phyllis who vomited on your knee at a karaoke bar.

  You’ve suffered and have a twitch in your right eye to prove it. Which is why you should get your kids’ birthdays out of the way and make them share a single celebration. One day. One piñata. One cake. One video. One vomit cleanup.

  But you might be asking, “OK, I like the concept, but my children’s age range is too broad. I mean, along with Josh, I have a 16 year old who’s the product of a misguided road trip I took to Seattle with a drummer. Besides, Josh was born in October, and my 16 year old, Bonham, was born in April. I couldn’t possibly pull off a single party for both kids, right?”

  Oh, but you’re wrong.

  The concept is simple: 5 year olds love games, and 16 year olds usually love to be the center of attention, especially when they’re dragged into participating in events that could potentially be used on Facebook later.

  Create memories by coming up with spectacular games for little Josh that his older brother will love to participate in. Really, who wouldn’t enjoy games like…

  • Paint-Your-Own-Pottery Bong
  • The I’ll-Never-Pay-It-Off Retainer Toss
  • Musical S.A.T.-Prep-Class Chairs

  And…

  • Pin the Tail on the Teen-Skank Girlfriend Wearing the Inappropriate Shorts and Half Tee-Shirt

  You’re happy. Josh is happy. And your teenager will likely get over it years from now when he realizes the genius of it…and his skank girlfriend moves out of his apartment.

  You may also like -

  Rule #77: Raise Your Child in a Barn Rule #29: Confuse Your Teen About Sex Rule #46: Exploit Your Kids for Useless Causes Rule #30: Love Your Pets More Than Your Kids Rule #31: Ignore Your Child's Crying Rule #24: Crush Your Child’s Dreams Early Rule #17: Scare Your Child Shitless About Germs Rule #14: Use Your Child's Birthday to Flaunt Your Cash Filed Under: Rules of Parenting

  Comments

  1. November 3, 2010 at 1:09 pm

     You’re going to say DOH!!!!!!! Although I would find it shocking if you hadn’t already considered the following option. I didn’t have time to peruse all past articles, so………..here it is. Stage a family “Conversion to Jehovah’s Witnesses” ceremony. It will be the LAST celebration you will need to ever acknowledge. The only things these people celebrate are baby showers, wedding showers and wedding anniversaries. All 3 are “girlie” gigs, so, you’re off the hook Father Knows Worst. Take the 5 yr. old to 1 measley Sunday School Type session and beg that someone from the congregation explain to him why he will no longer have Birthdays or Christmas. Be sure to play off your presence by telling them that you are visiting from out of state so they don’t come to your house. This will save you tons of money in the long-run. Just a suggestion.

     Reply
  2. December 4, 2010 at 11:15 am

     What would Tamosin do?…is all I would ask

     Reply
     • December 4, 2010 at 11:16 am

       Whatever…

       Reply