I spoke with my ex-wife at some length today, just telling her about what the state of Florida is doing to me and threatening me with, and what my prospects for the future are, including the possibility of spending a few years in prison.
(For those who don't know the story, this has to do with a dramatic reduction in my income, which was not followed in a timely way by a corresponding reduction in my child support obligation. Through a long series of misadventures, each compounding the previous one, I have gone from about $250,000 net worth to around $-100,000 nw in 5 years, and am now threatened with very dire consequences, including prison, by the legal system. While I don't try to deny or evade responsibility for my actions, I contend that this has been largely a result of misplacing my love and faith and trust.)
At the very least, it appears unavoidable that I will be uprooted, torn away from the woman I now love and any reasonable possibility of a future with her, and forced to return to Florida in a most uncomfortable situation - with no money, no home, and no job. Hmm, sounds problematic, doesn't it?
(I didn't mention the part about my love life to my ex.)
I simply very calmly laid out the facts of the situation, and asked her how she felt about them. She avoided giving me a direct answer, instead turning on me and accusing me of not caring about what was going on in her life. She informed me that due to all the stress I have put on her over the past few months, she had lost her job, and is now unemployed! I'm sorry to report that I allowed her to successfully distract me from my agenda with this guilt-trip BS.
As I tried to continue calmly talking with her, her voice began to rise in pitch and volume. She announced, "I don't feel well today, and for the remainder of this conversation I am going to be very argumentative!" I asked her why she felt a need to be that way, since my purpose in calling was just to inform her of what was going on and ask how she felt about it, not to argue with her.
In the process of the conversation, she mentioned I have protested her treatment of me, when all she has done was what I asked her to do. That is true up to a point. I was given information to relay to her about how to proceed to sic the state on me for child support enforcement, without being told the true nature of the information. She claims she didn't know what it was all about either, until she was informed, as I was, that the case was about to be heard in court.
All that may be true. The thing that damns her as far as I am concerned is that after she understood what was going on, and the kinds of consequences that I would be made to suffer, she allowed the case to proceed to its conclusion, and is now evading any sense of responsibility for the ruination of my life. It's very easy for her to point to my mistakes and emphasize the measure of responsibility that I do bear. It appears to be impossible for her to acknowledge that it might be humane, morally right, and even in her best interests and those of our children, to do what she can to stop the runaway judicial train before it drives me over the cliff.
It has been impossible for me to communicate effectively with this woman, or her husband (an elder), whose tactics are similar but more direct - bullying, pigheaded, and generally infuriating - for as long as I can remember. They do understand communication that acknowledges their superior wisdom or lets them get their way, or that is basically neutral in nature; but that appears to be as far as they are capable of going.
It's not possible to hate people who are so pathetic. They are victims of a harmful religious cult. What should I expect?
It's sad though, that they and the judicial system have control of my life now - sad and scary.
Love and regards,
George
I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery
than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
