This list will be handed to each person as they enter Texas.
1. That red-necked farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I
need it. Drive your BMW or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked -- by the women.
5. Go ahead and bring on your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot the cell phone. You might hope you don't
have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for the cost of that small bottle you bought in the airport.
9. The Texas Aggies are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks -- and a heap sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a
year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks -- because they want to. And you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
15. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle, too. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate - 35 goes north and south. I-20 goes east and west. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday observed on the closest Saturday to the first of
November. You can get breakfast at the church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. Now, enjoy your visit.
