Advice from a Christian robot.

expatbrit

Are you struggling with an important decision in your life and you don't know what the theological consequences are? Then come on over and bring your question to the robot-adviser. It plugs your question into the same, but seemingly universal Bible verses every time. You can't go wrong. You might want to avoid using any naughty words, though. The bot doesn't tolerate profanity well, and will send you straight to netiquette purgatory if you cuss.

I entered the question: should I whack off or not?

Hilariously, part of the answer rephrased 1 Corinthians 10:31 as "Therefore, whether I will whack off, or whatever I will do, I will do all to the glory of God."

Deep questions to consider:

If I will whack off, does this increase my resistance to temptation and sin?
Will the decision to whack off make service and worship of God easier?

And some final good wishes: "I hope that my questions had helped you to make situation concerning your decision either or not to whack off more clear."

The link: http://www2.omnitel.net/robertas/adv/index.htm

Expatbrit

DanielHaase

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Jesus dude. I'm scared. You are a evil man! How dare you mock the power of the Christ! You UK people are the devil. OK, I'm full of shit. You always crack me up Brit. I'm going to shut up now. Oh yeah, one last note....On Easter: You know why it's called Good Friday? Because Jesus died!

teenyuck

That is great! It sounds just like an elder giving advice!

detective

Here is an advise for you
Your decision to lick my puppy's naughty bits has following positive aspects:
it may increase your resistance to sin
The negative sides however include:
it will be a stumbling block to others
I hope that my questions had helped you to make situation concerning your decision either or not to lick my puppy's naughty bits more clear. If you want to really make a wise decision - pray God for wisdom in a light of what Bible teaches us about our attitudes.
If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

ThiChi

Your decision to join the Jehovah's Witnesses has following positive aspects:

it will glorify God

it may increase your resistance to sin

The negative sides however include:

since you have doubt, it will not be according your faith

it can become a habit, which controls you

it will be a stumbling block to others

I hope that my questions had helped you to make situation concerning your decision either or not to join the Jehovah's Witnesses more clear. If you want to really make a wise decision - pray God for wisdom in a light of what Bible teaches us about our attitudes.

If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
James 1:5-8

Cygnus

Your decision to sleep with Jessica Alba has following positive aspects:

* it will glorify God
* it is a wise decision
* it can make the service and worship of the Lord easier

The negative sides however include:

* it can become a habit, which controls you

safe4kids

Well Expat,

I think this site is totally bogus. I didn't get any help at all!

Your decision to bow down to simon has following positive aspects:
The negative sides however include:
I hope that my questions had helped you to make situation concerning your decision either or not to bow down to simon more clear. If you want to really make a wise decision - pray God for wisdom in a light of what Bible teaches us about our attitudes

Now should I or shouldn't I??

Dana