DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
CALEB, distant ancestor of one of the twelve spies who evidently was led to life-giving waters of truth at a young age by his loving parents...
MOM, also known as "Selma", loyal servant of Jehovah God who strives to raise CALEB in the path of righteousness
PHINEHAS, A violent Israelite action figure
Caleb [playing]: Yeah! Cut off those wicked fornicators! [sees Mom] Oh. Hi Mom!
Mom [frowning]: Hi, Caleb. Is that a new toy?
Caleb: Yes, Mom! A friend gave it to me.
Mom: A [grating the word out like it is foreign and filthy] fr...iend?
Caleb: It's my Phinehas--he tolerates no rivalry towards Jehovah! Isn't he great?
Mom: Come on inside. [They sit down at a table.] Now Caleb, is that a violent toy?
Caleb: ...Yes. But...it's the same Phinehas that's right here in 'The Watchtower'! [He holds up a picture of Phinehas with his spear about to kill Zimri and Cozbi from 'The Watchtower']
Mom [squinting her eyes]: That may be so. But did [exaggerated] Jehovah's organization give you that Phinehas toy?
Caleb: ...No, but--
Mom: So is it really from Jehovah?
Caleb: Well, Jehovah praised what Phinehas did--
Mom [eyes turning large and infuriated]: QUIET!
[Caleb closes his mouth, eyes wide in fear.]
Mom: Jehovah recorded the violent acts of Phinehas to teach us about what happens when we disobey Jehovah. But Satan loves to glorify violence by making toys like this. So is this toy glorifying Jehovah....[her eyes squint]...or Satan??
Caleb: ...I don't know. This is all very confusing, Mom. Jehovah wanted Phinehas to kill those people. So what should I be learning from this--
Mom: You should be learning to be QUIET! And OBEDIENT! Now, what do you think you should do with this violent toy?
Caleb: Are you trying to con me into thinking this is my decision? [Sarcastic with condescension]I know better than to fall prey to the independent thinking of this world, Mom...
[Later that day, Caleb appears with a black eye, at the trash can....]
Mom: Obediently, you will make it known that you disobeyed me and did not clean up your toys. You then slipped on one of those toys, fell on your face, and thus acquired that nasty little black eye to go with that nasty little mouth of yours. Now THROW AWAY THAT TOY!
[Caleb, hands trembling, throws the Phinehas action figure into the garbage.]
Mom [smiling hysterically]: Thank you so much for OBEYING! You've made Jehovah so happy! You know what I feel like doing?
Caleb [mouths it to himself as though he's heard it many times]: Bike-riding--
Mom: BIKE-riding!
To be continued....