Wheeeee!!!!!! Another YPA article trying mould young children into nice little myrmidons, and once again, the only way I can stand to read it is by inserting as much low-brow commentary as I can. (more snark here if you're interested)
I used to hate the Witnesses. Now I just make fun of them. It's more entertaining that way.
YOUNG PEOPLE ASK - Who are my role models?
In this article, you will learn: Is there any chance that it might be something educational, like exactly what can be done using only a trout, 6 rubber bands and the full set of encyclopedias? Please?
WHY you need role models Because, when I'm old and tired and looking back at my life, I really need to be able to look at someone else and see exactly how mediocre my life really is. Thanks a lot.
WHERE to find them Aisle 5 at Wal-Mart. Next to the poultry seasoning.
HOW to follow their example They really want these articles to be like a Haynes car repair manual for kids, don't they. Of course, that really would be pretty cool. At least, until someone figured out how to put a glasspack muffler on a 7 year old. Like kids aren't noisy enough.
WHY you need them Yea, yea, yea, because I'm a sinful, imperfect little worm that can't make good decisions without the Governing Body sitting on my shoulder like a good little angel. Except it's a pompous, self-important angel that smells like moldy cheese. Like moldy cheese and judgment, with just the faintest aroma of nepotism.
FACT OF LIFE: You tend to become like the people you admire. That can be good - or bad - depending on whom you admire.
Captain Subtext says: Believe us, the minute the technology exists to erase your lust-fueled, dirty, sinful little minds and replace them with carbon copies of perfect little Witness drones you're gonna be on the table before you can say "New World Translation".
What you need: Role models who are worthy of imitation.-Philippians 3:17. I'm thinking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Or possibly Captain Planet. But without the tights.
The problem: Many people look up to individuals who are famous-musicians, sports heroes, or movie stars-even if these have sordid reputations. Not me. Splinter was clean as a whistle, if you overlooked the whole, you know, sewage thing.
To think about: The Bible compares our personality traits to a garment. (Colossians 3:9, 10) It also likens the words of wise men to cattle prods (Eccl 12:11). What's your point?If you were shopping for clothes, would you let a poorly dressed salesperson tell you what to wear? If I'm shopping at Hot Topic, absolutely.Why, then, let some shady celebrity dictate the kind of person you should be? Because celebrities have more than fame and fortune. They get to name their kids their kids ridiculous things like "Apple". Who wouldn't want a piece of that? Instead of doing that or just following the crowd, choosing good role models will help you to (1) select the traits you want to acquire and (2) imitate people who excel in displaying those traits.
Just so you know, Captain Subtext is over in the corner muttering something about "Must find a way to make the sheeple follow our crowd, not Paris Hiltons." I'll be honest. I was considering a joke about a Governing Body sex tape here, but seriously, there are some lines even I won't cross. Just eeewwww.
Why let some shady celebrity dictate the kind of person you should be? We've already gone over that. Because then I could name my kids "Trout", "Car Park" and "Prince Atherton P. Tallywacker the Twelfth" and people won't bat an eyelash.
Mark the following statements true or false.
1. A role model must be someone you have met face-to-face.
True False
I'll choose answer number c. Molecular Gastronomy. Just cause it sounds cool.
2. A role model must be perfect.
True False
True, but only on Tuesdays and Thursdays after 5 PM.
3. You can have many role models.
True False
I'm going to refrain from answering this question until I find out if these alleged "role models" as you call them come with chips and a drink.
Answers
1.False. You can even choose role models from the ancient past. If you don't mind them being a little desiccated, maybe.The best of these can be found in the Bible. For instance, if you read chapter 11 in the Bible book of Hebrews, you'll find that the apostle Paul names 16 men and women whose faith was exemplary. At this point I do feel the need to point out the fact that Paul was a misogynistic homophobe who got his jollies by cutting off parts of Timothy's dick. I'd feel better about getting role-model recommendations from the tree rat currently raiding my birdfeeder. Most important, in the next chapter, Paul urged Christians to "look intently" at Jesus and follow him. (Hebrews 12:2) Jesus is our best role model. - John 13:15.* And he even has his own line of action figures and a fine selection of casual ware.
* Of course, many people of the present can also serve as good role models. These might include a parent, a sibling, a spiritually mature member of the Christian congregation, or another exemplary person you know or have read about.
Very true. Just about every day I ask myself "What would Niccolo Machiavelli do?"
2.False. Other than Jesus, Adam had no perfect descendants. (Romans 3:23) Granted, but if it weren't for him and Eve chowing down on the forbidden fruit we'd never have hot girls with low self-esteem wearing slutty cheerleader outfits on Halloween. Imperfection has its perks. Even the heroic prophet Elijah was "just as human as we are." (James 5:17, Contemporary English Version) This being the same Elijah who said "And you will be with many sicknesses, with a malady of your intestines, until your intestines have come out because of the sickness day by day." Yea. Charming guy. The same may be said of such people as Miriam, David, Jonah, Martha, and Peter. The Bible candidly reveals the errors of those men and women. Oh come one. David was a womanizer, the most impressive thing Jonah ever did was get eaten by a fish, and even God didn't have great things to say about Miriam - "Then Jehovah said to Moses: "Were her father to spit directly in her face, would she not be humiliated seven days? Let her be quarantined seven days outside the camp, and afterward let her be received in." Still, they were exemplary in most aspects of life, and thus they can be good role models. So you're essentially saying that if there are certain parts that we can ignore about our role models, then it's OK to have somebody who isn't completely good? So, by this reasoning, if I ignore his dietary and recreational habits, I can choose Jeffery Dahmer as my role model. After all, he always paid the rent on time.
3.True. You can have as many role models as you want. Oh, goody, I'll choose Jeff and John Wayne Gacy (again, if we're ignoring the bad stuff, he was apparently pretty good with kids) One might be especially hardworking, while another may excel at being patient. Perhaps a third maintains a positive outlook in the face of problems. When I grow up I wanna be just like Gideon. Let's go slaughter us some unbelievers!!!! (1 Corinthians 12:28; Ephesians 4:11, 12) Look for the good in others, and you'll find qualities they have that are worthy of imitation. For what it's worth, I still say the whole "slutty cheerleader outfit" thing should get a lot more imitation-Philippians 2:3.
WHAT YOUR PEERS SAY
Layla - My friend Sandra looks at the positive side of things. She is also very familiar with her Bible. Because of that, she always seems to have at her fingertips the solutions to problems. I can confide in her whenever I have problems, big or small.
Terrence - My friends Kyle and David never minimize the feelings of others. They are always available to help people with their problems, while they put their own anxieties on the back burner. I view them as great examples. Right up until the years of self-denial take their toll on Kyle and David, causing a psychotic break that leaves both of them huddled in a corner, covering themselves in peanut butter and calling for Mommy.
Have you ever, I mean ever heard a teen talk like that? There's a lot that a teen is gonna think is cool about their role model, but I can guarantee you that "impressive bible thumping" isn't one of them. The guy who can fit an entire roll of quarters up his nose is cooler than that.
HOWto follow their example
1. Observe your role models. The apostle Paul told first-century Christians: "Learn by watching those who are living the way we showed you." -Philippians 3:17, Holy Bible - Easy-to-Read Version. I love observing my role models. At this point, though, I have to do it from at least 750 feet away. At least, that's what the Judge said.
2. Connect. If possible, spend some time with those you have chosen as modern-day role models. The Bible says: "He that is walking with wise persons will become wise." -Proverbs 13:20. This one's easy. I've even got a handful of fake Facebook profiles to get this one done.
3. Reflect your role models' praiseworthy traits. Hebrews 13:7 says: "As you contemplate how their conduct turns out imitate their faith."
Ready to get started? Fill out the role model action plan below. Crispy fried Christ Jesus, you're making me do homework now?
Action Plan
Pick a trait that you would like to acquire. (Would you like to be more outgoing? generous? hardworking? resilient? dependable? trustworthy?) Um. Traits..... Well, I want jetpacks. And robot slaves. Barring that, I want to be able to melt ice cubes and remove underware with the power of my mind.
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Pick a person who demonstrates the quality you would like to develop.* Iron Man. Fuck yea.
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* You can also do this exercise in reverse. First, pick a person whom you look up to. Next, ask yourself, 'What particular quality makes that person admirable?' Then, using that person as a role model, strive to imitate the quality you identified.
When you choose a good role model, your goal isn't to become that person. Of course not. I was just going to ... you know ... maybe wear their skin or something. But only after dark, and I'd wash my hands afterwards. You'll still have your own unique good qualities. I've spent the past 15 minutes trying to think of what kind of good qualities I have, and I gotta say, I'm coming up short. Aside from a staggeringly massive database of pornography, I mean. Nevertheless, having good role models will help bring out your best as you grow to adulthood. Not only that, by following their example, you will become a good role model for others. My idea of inspiration is calling little Billy over to an anthill and telling them that each and every ant has a soul, but that they won't get into heaven unless he gives each and every one a name.
Emmaline - My role model is my mom. She knows her Bible like the back of her hand, and she always looks for opportunities to talk to people about her faith. That doesn't make her a role model. Obsessive Compulsive, perhaps, but that's the most I'll give you. She fully believes that the ministry is a privilege, not a chore. I admire her for that! Ok, I'll grant this one - I've got a grudging admiration for fanatics too. Believing the field service is a "privilege" requires a level of stupidity and masochism of which I know I will never be capable.
WHY NOT ASK YOUR PARENTS?
Talk to your parents about their role models-the ones they had when they were your age and the ones they have now. How have your parents benefited from having role models in their life? Before she joined the Witnesses and started talking to her giant imaginary friend in the sky, one of my moms role models was Timothy Leary. True story. Guess she just traded one set of hallucinations for another.
READ MORE ABOUT IT!
Do you need help finding good role models? Read Hebrews chapter 11 and pick one of the men or women named there. Start a study project with the goal of imitating that one's admirable traits. You know, putting all snarkiness aside for a moment (more difficult for me that you might think) I'll tell you this. Put down the Bible. Yea, it's got some good stories in it, but you shouldn't choose a role model out of there any more than you would out of a Dean Koontz novel. Look at the people who have actually done something to help and advance the human race as a species and a culture. Choose Steve Jobs, or Bill Gates. Choose Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldrin (whose first words on the moon kicked Neil's ass. Dude looked out on that landscape and remarked "Magnificent desolation"). Choose Jim Henson. For me, though, it'll always be Carl Sagan. Snookie can go and fuck herself. As a matter of fact - turn that shit off and go watch Cosmos. Now. That's a direct order.