Dating as an ex witness

d

I feel nervous their is this girl I am somewhat dating and this is my first true relationship. do any of you ex Jw's feel nerovus when dating.

at first YES! and if i'm completely honest, it's ruined a couple experiences for me. now? eh, not so much anymore, bt i've definitely heard from some girls who have dated ex-jws, that it's rocky as hell.

Giordano

I have not dated as an ex witness because my wonderful wife left the 'truth' with me. But on a similar level it was very difficult to make new friends. Something always seemed off....... mostly it was us because making friends was never a problem as a witness. As a witness there was a level of instant acceptablness because of the communality of the religion. When you lose that you have to reconfigure your approach to people especially those that are more guarded. It took a few years and when we stopped caring about making friends and found other types of communitees to become part of (we do a lot of volunteer work) we began turning aquaintances into good friends. It's a natural process. Now we have too many friends...LOL.

~Jen~

Yes.

I'm 3 years out and dated lots before being in my current relationship of just over a year.

Rocky is putting it lightly. I was a very naive 27 year old when I left, going through lots of ups downs, depression from being DF'd and going through a divorce and learning what the "real world is like".

Even in my current relationship with someone who tries very hard to understand - I have trust and fear of abandonment issues, at times I have a hard time understanding that people are not perfect (because I was always striving to be perfect in that religion and my EX and I ignored problems to appear "perfect"). These come out not with me being clingy but with me getting overwhelmed and trying to run away. I have broke up with him twice over my fears. Because subconcioulsy he is still a "worldly person" who is going to do nothing but hurt me and only wants me for sex, blah blah blah. We argue and fight and I have had a hard time dealing with that because again, my ex and I pretended we were perfect and didn't fight for the whole 9 years we were together.

It's differant, it's terrifying but for the first time in my life it feels real instead of feeling like I'm just faking life.

Diest

Just remember that most EX-JWs start out dating at an 8th grade level. I am 30 and feel like I have the expierence of a 20 year old.

rather be in hades

giordano:

my experience as a witness was the polar opposite. i found the witness youth to be extremely...hateful and the worldly friends i made treated me far better than the witnesses ever did.

i left the kingdom hall i grew up in the first meeting after i turned 18. as soon as the meeting was over i told my elders that i was officially switching halls and that would be my last meeting with them. up to that point, the people i was hanging out with had a habit of going behind my back to do things and purposeflly left me out and that was so hurtful. i trned down the colleges (PLURAL) of my dreams in large part because i thought i was doing the right thing and that jehovah's people would encourage and uplift me. i literally gave up EVERYTHING in order to remain a jw and i got a cold hard slap in the face for that. a couple months before, and this was years ago but i still remember it like yesterday, i went to another hall to visit a couple friends and they didn't know i was there. i went to say hi and they looked confused as to why i was there, not because they weren't happy to see me, but because the other group was at that very moment at the movies and i had no idea. at that very moment, i told myself that as soon as my 18th bday came around and i could officially switch halls, i was going to. that first meeting after i turned 18, i made a beeline to the elders i was closest to, told him that was my last meeting as i had turned 18 a couple days before and left right after.

turning down the universities i was accepted at, that STILL gets to me, i mean it's been the source of so much agony and depression, i can't even begin to describe it all and what really hurt is that they started being extremely nasty to me right after i trned down those schools.

Emery

Im sure it's nerve racking but I would think dating outside the confines of the WTS and their "standards" for dating makes things easier for everyone. You don't have to be placed under the anxieties of pharasaical works to prove your spirituality to your potential mate.

d

You are right the relationship is on a good start so far.

Twitch

my ex and I pretended we were perfect and didn't fight for the whole 9 years we were together.

It isn't a real relationship unless you have arguments, not that this should define the relationship or is absolutely necessary but it's realistic. And there are rules for arguments and "fighting".

The best part is making up afterwards ;)

d

We are no longer together but she wants to be friends on facebook.

Dating as an ex witness

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